Please talk to me about self-settling

[chequersandchess]

We get DD to sleep at night by putting on white noise and gently rocking her crib, no problem getting her to sleep and she sleeps for about 9 hours.

I keep reading that after 3 months she shouldn't have props to help her sleep but should learn to self-settle.

I'm not into controlled crying (far too young for that anyway, she's only 14 weeks) so how exactly am I supposed to get her to self-settle? She will go back to sleep if patted on her tummy and shushed, but presumably that is just replacing one prop with another.

Can someone please explain what exactly I'm supposed to do to help her self-settle because the name is confusing me, in that it seems she should be doing it all by herself.

Or, should I just ignore the whole thing and carry on quite happily as we were?

Thank!

Frankly, I think your routine sounds fine! My dd only learned to self settle at that age meaning I didn't do anything but watch her fall asleep on her own with a full stomach in the evening. It took a few more weeks to get her to do it for naps. And I'm afraid to say that we have regressed. Currently in the 4-month weirdness and I've gone back to white noise for help, and some patting and shushing. They keep changing, so I'd suggest you carry on until it doesn't work any longer

Ok, thanks mookick

Does anyone have any tips for encouraging them to self-settle though?

9 hours!

I just take whatever opportunity I can for 4mth old ds to go to sleep without rocking - though he still wakes wanting to suck/rock and is going throuigh '4 mth weirdness'!

Dd learned to self-settle at night about 8mths and completely -bedtime etc- at around 15mths. IMO it isn't the key to good sleep... and if yours is going 9 hours she must be waking slightly and self-settling anyway.

I agree with the PP. Your DD must be self-settling to some extent if she is sleeping for 9 hours without any intervention from you.

My DS was great a self settling from about 4 weeks but he was a very chilled out baby who rarely fussed about anything. We just put him down awake after a feed. Picked him up if he fussed and then put him straight back down awake as soon as he was calm. I think it is referred to as pick-up put down on here.

DD is a bit more of a challenge as DS can't leave her alone so can be fairly unsettled. We are doing the same with her and she will now nod off on her own without fussing about 50% of the time.

Ok, that's good to know, thanks.

THe last couple of night she's only gone for about 6 hours but I think she's having a growth spurt so not too worried.

The thing I'm worried about is that after she's fed in the night I put her back in her crib asleep and she fights to wake herself up and I have to rock her to keep her 'under'.

I'm worried about when she goes in her cot as that obviously doesn't rock so don't want to be stuck with that problem..

I really think you have to "live in the now" with a tiny baby. Sorry if that sounds poncy - but they change so fast and so unpredictably that you can only ever say "What I did today worked today". So do whatever makes everybody happy, but don't expect the same things to work tomorrow - if you do you are setting yourself up for failure and frustration. Babies live in the moment - I think parents sould try to as well.

So if rocking works, rock!

Oh thank you, this has really reassured me.

I was perfectly happy with the way things are, namely I think because I've avoided reading any books.

Then I made the error of reading the boots parenting club magazine and it said that after 3 months babies should self-settle, and I sort of second guessed myself.

I will carry on as I am then, thanks again.

I'm feeling really happy to think of you, wherever you are, carrying on with what works for you! How brilliant of you not to read any books - but if you do want to read something, I found I liked Deborah Jackson. Largely because she reinforced what I instinctively felt rather than telling me I was wrong and should be doing it differently!

Have a lovely evening.

Thank you seeker, you too

Just sharing my experience as my 9-month-old self-soothes. Basically, I put him in his grobag, close the curtains (if during the day) and then kiss him and say night night and put him down to cot with his blankie and he turns over and goes to sleep! Sometimes, he moans a little before he goes off but it never takes long. I didn't 'train' him as such. I used to rock him (and still do IF he is ill and not settling well), then I just shushed and patted him on the bum. Eventually, I noticed DS really just wants to get into his cot so I just put him down. It's a very gradual thing. I would say he started to self sooth at about 7 months so I wouldn't worry if I were you!

Excellent, thanks angel.

I think I bought a breastfeeding cushion from you a little while ago, how are you?

Oh yes, you did! How are you? You sound like you are doing brilliantly btw... Is your LO already 14 weeks? Oh my goodness, how time flies... My LO is already 9 months old and he is doing brilliantly (though he's been doing the round of viruses for the last 6 weeks or so!). He's a really cheeky monkey. Hope bf-ing worked out for you (well, better than mine went anyway...). How are you enjoying being a mother? I found the first few months really hard.

Re: the self-soothing thing... Honestly, your LO is so young. I wouldn't worry too much. I used to put the lullaby CD on, rock my LO and then slowly put him down, patted and shushed him etc and worried terribly that he would never self-settle. The one day, I realised I forgot to put the CD on and it didn't bother him one bit and one by one (at different times), I realised I could stop doing something and it wouldn't bug him. Ha ha. Take care now.

Wow, 9 months already, sorry to hear he's been ill though.

We are still breastfeeding (well, mixed feeding but still breastfeeding all the same!) The cushion was brilliant, but I didn't get to use it for long as the little monster was 9 pounds 11 when she was born and outgrew it pretty quickly!!

Thanks for the advice, I'm hoping she will just grow into being able to settle herself - she had to grow into being able to sleep in her crib as she wouldn't at first but she got there without too much stress so I have faith in her!

I am impressed by your lullaby CD - we are currently using white noise via the hairdryer at the moment

Take care too

If your baby is sleeping 9 hours she is already self-settling. They don't sleep solidly for that long (nobody does, but as you get older you don't even notice the waking), they wake up on and off (prevents SIDS) and go on back to sleep on their own or cry for help going back to sleep.