8yr old wont go to sleep well after we lay her down!! Any advise??

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Driving us mad! We lay her down at 8 and she isnt going to sleep till 9.30-10 o clock.

We have tried everything, reward charts, giving her longer to play..and she just wont settle down. We have asked her if everything is ok with school she said it was, happy with home.

we are constantly upstairs to try and get het to go to sleep!!

Any advise/tips would be great.
Thanks so much.

Were thinking of asking her teacher to keep an eye on things.

Is she tired at school/unable to get up in the morning?

Hi, Yes we think she is getting tired at school as she has been pulled up on her handwriting and yeah a nightmare quite a lot of the time to get up out of bed.

She assures me she is happy with home life and school, no problems with friends or anything..but we just cant be sure..why else would she not sleep straightaway or atleast before an hour after.

We have even given her lea way of saying ok, you can stay up but then if she goes at 9.30 sometimes she is awake till 10.30!

Thanks for your reply!!

What's her routine?

well, we have eat dinner, read or playgame, we bath 3times a week, so maybe bath before hand, we lay her sister down first then she comes up after. We cant lay them down together as we know they will be mucking around.

wish we could put them together

What time do you have dinner? Have you tried tiring her out after school by taking her to the park for a run around?

dinner is 5 ish and its not so easy to get to the park from where we are as i dont drive and doing dinner etc.

But I was thinking of getting her to go out in the garden. But where we are also lately we have had soo much rain so its hampered us to go out.

I mean, do we let her go to bed what time she wants so she get it out of her system do you think? We jsut dont know.. I'm worried about her being ill. She is much more moody and negative because of it.

Do we stop going up there and leave her, so we break the cycle?

she's 8 years old??? Not a toddler

Just tell her to sleep

She is running you a merry dance, say goodnight, walk out and tell her to stop messing you about! If she faffs, take a fun thing away, she wont do it for long

I used to battle with ds about bedtime. He would go around telling everyone he never slept for many years. Our routine is dinner at 5, then homework, then reading, bath and hot chocolate (hot milk has a sedative effect), then bed. I don't go to him and he doesn't shout out. He's in bed by 8:30, normally asleep 15 mins later.

A set bedtime is always a very good idea. My parents used to let me go when I wanted and I was always tired in the morning. Ds goes at the same time (except during the holidays) and he's not tired in the mornings. I think you need to be clear with her, she can read for 10 minutes, then off to bed. Say goodnight and go down stairs. I think you are rewarding her for staying up with your attention which enourages her to stay up so you have to break the cycle.

tried confiscating things just doesnt seem to work.

Thanks for your advise!

Getting very fruestrating believe me, and worrying too as she will be ill soon if she doesnt get better sleep.

I swear she has gone back a year!

Don't confiscate, don't talk except to say goodnight. Then that's it. No more attention until she gets up in the morning. She'll get bored eventually and go to sleep. Be consistent, then she'll go to sleep earlier because she'll know it's pointless to stay awake.

Were try the hot chocolate and your right, we will tell her she is to be in bed by 8.30, i think we will set a routine more wiht her too, i suppose you think 8 yrs old you dont need much of one but i guess you do.

Thanks so much for your advise and time phantom of the chocolate.

Ill keep you posted!!

Try not to worry or fuss aswell. She won't get ill unless she comes into contact with something.

Thats the worry, younger daughter has a bad virus at the moment, high temp flu symtoms so im worried she is going to down with it

lol! She lives in your house, if you are not isolating your little one she's very likely to catch it, regardless of how much or little she sleeps. Just withdraw your attention and she'll get bored.

Sorry if this seems harsh but she's 8.
I'd say night night and shut the door and that's that.
If she comes down I'd punish, she's 8, she's running rings around you.

My 7yr old's bedtime is 9pm which is fine, she still gets the sleep she needs but she goes to bed and stays there and sleeps.

I think you need to show her what bedtime is and what it means (going to bed and staying there)

Get her some audio CDs.
Tell her as long as she stays in her bed and settles down, she can listen to 30 minutes of a story.

DS1 is 8, goes to bed about 9pm, we leave him and he sleeps anytime between 9.30 and 10pm. He wakes between 7.30 and 8am.

Once he is in bed don't hear from him again. He knows not to leave his room unless he needs the toilet.

It is quite a late bedtime but the average 8yr old needs between 10 and 11 hours sleep and he gets that. Some children need, less some more. I wouldn't assume there is anything wrong at school just because she doesn't go to sleep - she just isn't ready to sleep. Probably nothing sinister.

8yr olds don't need you to get them to sleep. If she calls you back, ignore her and in a few days she'll give up calling. Let her read whilst she is in bed. It will help make her sleepy. I wouldn't send her to bed before 8.30pm either.

TBH I think you are worrying too much about this and it is turning into a big deal. Try and relax and you may find she doesn't feel the need to test you so much.

Does she:

• watch a lot of TV? (didn't sound like it from what you described)
• drink a lot of tea/coke/coffee/stuff with caffeine? (I'd be careful with hot choc as it has caffeine and sugar; that being said, I had it before bed most nights as a child and was fine.)

If she's just lying in bed, and SHE is not upset by lying there for an hour and a half before dropping off (it would drive me mental!) then I'd leave her to it. If she is bothered by it you can look into ways of helping her clear her head. There's self-hypnosis (for want of a better term) where you visualise your body getting heavy/droopy/etc. (never did it for me) and there's soft music/audio book or reading or just having a chat with you going over her day.

It sounds like she is just not ready to go to sleep at that time.

The audio cd is a good idea. Bedtime at 8.30 or 9 (I think I would go with 9 initially), 30 mins reading or audio cd and then lights out and sleep.

If that works - and it may take a few weeks for her to adjust so stick to the routine - you could trying brining the bedtime forward to 8.30 maybe. But maybe she just doesn't need as much sleep.

My DS is 7 and we are terrible at bedtime to be honest - mainly as he won't sleep alone so sleeps with me (very bad I know!) - but he def doesn't need to sleep before 9 - otherwise he is awake at silly o'clock.

What is she doing between going to bed and going to sleep?

I've been having this exact problem with my 8yr old daughter for a year now, and it's very infuriating, she can sometimes be awake at 11-12pm, and it was so bad it was happening every night.

She is a worrier by nature, so if she was awake late then she worried about it being late, then she 'can't' sleep because she worried about that, it usually ended with her getting herself in a state and us shouting at her.We tried everything , even involving Gp but nothing worked.

Until, she had an invite to go to her friends house after school, I told her if she messed us about going to sleep then she wouldn't be allowed to go, so for 2 weeks she went to sleep beautifully.
3 days after she'd been, the going to sleep shenanigans started again.

So this is how we work it now, she messes us about, she doesn't go somewhere that was planned or gets use of PC etc taken away.

It works...everytime.

One thing I will add is my Ds goes up to bed at 7 every night, we tried letting her stay up later but if we do then shes later going to sleep, so DD goes to bed same time as Ds but is allowed to read for half an hour before going to sleep, then I go in turn her lamp off and thats sleep-time, she is asleep by 8.30 most nights now. If she calls out ,gets in a state after that we ignore, if it carries on then she has one last warning and then she has something taken away.

Tough but it's the only thing that works.

Thanks everyone for your advise, ideas, heads ups and tips.

We have just left her many times as we think engaging with her will make it worse, but she then wont go to sleep till 11/12 o clock. Were pretty laid back with her considering she isnt an infant but she is getting to sleep 10-10.30 and sometimes later.

We have noticed a big difference in her behaviour, schooling, and she has started to get affected by it she is a lot more moody.

Thanks again everyone, ill keep you posted!

x

Moonmother-- she has a party this weekend and I have told her she wont be going if she doesnt go to sleep better!

What is she doing between going to bed and going to sleep? Just lying there in the dark, or reading or what?

i have 3 children. My boys are 4 and 8 and my daughter is 10.

We all have tea together, i bath the boys first and whilst i do stories, my daughter has her bath. The youngest goes to bed at 7 and is usually asleep within 10 minutes, the middle one goes to bed at 7.30 and is allowed to read quielty to himself for 30 mins....he is normally asleep before the 30 mins are up.

My daughter goes to bed at 8pm and is aslo allowed to read for 30 mins. She is never asleep by 8.30 and despite me repeatedly going up to tell her to sleep (including me turning off her light), she is rarely asleep before about 10pm.

It drives me insane as she is then really tired and grumpy in the morning. I have come to the conclusion that she is going to this no matter what I say and as she is in bed resting, there isn't a whole lot more that i can do to get her to sleep.