4 yo screaming about going to bed. For hours.

[needmorecoffee]

I take dd up to bed about 9 and co-sleep with her. Last few nights she has been screaming like she is being murdered from 9 till midnight! So she's tired at school.
No idea why or what to do. Have medicated her a few times but hate doing that as benzo's are addictive.

Any other 4 yo's like this?

My ds is really playing up atm too.

He says he doesn't want to go to sleep and will force himself to stay awake, even though I can see he's tired. And then of course he's really hard to rouse in the morning (he almost always ends up in our bed)

He's also refusing to go to school - which I think is partly connected to being overly tired.

ds went through a stage recently of having night terrors. There didn't seem to be any trigger for them. He seemed awake but would be screaming and making absolutely no sense what so ever. Is she doing this when she is asleep or before she drops off. Ds started fairly early in the sleep cycle (he goes to bed at 7 and would get a terror within 1/2 hour of falling asleep) Nothing we did seemed to help and he was unworried the next day though tired. Ours lasted on and off for a couple of weeks and nothing for a month or two now.

Yes, forgot to say ds says he has bad dreams which is why he doesn't want to go to sleep.

its before she drops off. she just wont sleep but sobs and yells.
maybe its usual?

oh ok not night terrors then. Um will she talk about it the next day what is bothering her? How do you respond at the moment?

she cant speak which is why i asked what speaking 4yo's say.

Sorry I must of missed that in your original post. Does she have other ways of communication such as drawing, maybe she needs to deal with something and as she can't talk verbally giving her another way may help her to express it so it doesn't come out at night????
what is your response to the screaming and yelling? Does she do at other times, is there a trigger? What calms her down in the end or is it just a case of getting exhausted? What things does she find calming and could you try these?

Have you tried changing her routine before she goes to bed? Is she over tired from school perhaps so that she can't settle by herself calmly? I have a 4 year old too, who has just started reception and she can also be a nightmare at bedtime. I do not co-sleep, but she will ask me to stay with her and then she talks and doesn't go to sleep! My dd still has a thing of needing a comfort drink before she goes to sleep and I also read her a book and then let her look at one by herself and this seems to get her off to sleep. But you have my sympathies!

no communication aprt from indicating yes and no. If I pick her up and ask if she wants to go downstairs there is a yes sound and a big beaming smile. But its 10 oclock at night and she's 4 and needs to be asleep!
But reading your posts suggests that its not that unusual for a 4 yo and she must be screaming cos a, she can't talk and b, I tell her to go to sleep.
Last 2 nights we've had to medicate her as after an hour she is exhausted but still screaming and got beyond rational thought

I presume you're co-sleeping out of necessity to get your sleep, rather than as a philosophy - if I'm wrong then ignore what I say. TBH I would be putting her to bed more like 7pm, and in her own bed. (Because you don't want to start going to bed at 7pm yourself.) She's plenty old enough to learn about lying down and going to sleep because Mummy says so and the consequences are Not Good. If she wakes up it'll probably be past your bedtime and she can co-sleep from then (which you can tell her to reassure her), but she is quite capable of learning to go to sleep in her own bed. She's already crying at bedtime, so you may as well make that crying end with something positive like you getting an evening to yourself!

I've just started allowing ds a little playtime after his story before lights out. he was just mucking about until all hours and was becoming really shattered, and so far this seems to be working. we have normal bedtime routine, then I explain exactly how the clock hands will be when it's lights out time and he has a couple of reminders. Of course he tries to stretch it - he's 4, but it is now getting him into bed at a respectable hour.

Don't know if it's ofany elp!

Does she watch TV or read stories that could scare her in the evening (or at all)?

My DD (4) has occasional nightmares, and she also has this "thing" of recalling events when she felt badly done to just as she is about to go to sleep and starts accusing people (usually me) of maltreating her ie "I don't like staying on my own Mummy" referring to when we went out and left her with a babysitter.

The other day we went to Disneyland (which she hated) and she sobbed for at least 10 minutes in bed.