just when i thought it couldn't get worse

[shadowsundertheeyes]

13mo. always been a very unsettled sleeper. never slept through. stopped feeding to sleep about 6 weeks ago. dropped night feeds 2 weeks ago. just got over tummy bug, 2 ear infections. sure he's teething. he woke every hour for 3 weeks, had 1 good night and now for no apparent reason keeps waking up and refusing to sleep in his cot. i sat/ slept for 4 hours on a chair last night. feel sick. and a failure.

the worst thing is that days used to be lovely and that made the nights bearable. but he seems to have developed toddler tantrums- throws his head back and screams when he can't have his way. feel like i'm losing control. can't even be bothered to write proper sentences on here. name changed for this.

how am i going to survive this?!?!?!?!??!

sorry no advice from me (dd is only 8 mths) but well done on stopping feeding to sleep and stopping night feeds recently, even though it is difficult at the moment you have done that. hopefully someone else with similar experiences will be along in a minute with some suggestions for you.

Thanks for replying Iheartiona. It was good to be reminded of my achievements. I love my DS so much but his sleep has always been difficult and I have no idea why! So frustrating as I have tried so hard to teach him to self settle etc. Last night was better though so hopefully we're over the worst of this phase.

glad to hear last night was better Shadows. fingers crossed for you!
maybe someone else with a similar age lo will see this today and have some tips for you

Your baby's sleep issues are NOT your crearion or your failing. They are your baby's personality/needs he's unable to express. Consider taking the side off the cot. Don't worry, things get much easier from now onwards. 13 months brings processing sequences (e.g. night routine) and following instructions. Soon you get mimicking (mum sleeps in a bed, I want a bed), etc. We are now at 20 mth and identifying ownership - "My bed" and he wants to sleep in it.

Oh that's awful. Been there and never ever wnat to go back. Am sending you a huge hug or recognition. You have to change it the pattern somehow or else you'll go under. Am serious, you can't survive like that. I'll get screetched at by others, but co-sleep - you'll get more sleep and so will he. Once he's bigger you can get him back into his own room again, I promise. Or do what I did if there's room, put a bed in his room and sleep in there with him. I put a camping mattress on the floor. Not as soft as it sounds, as I refused to pick him up from his cot anymore, so I'd sit on my bed on the floor, quietly singing and stroking his hair(if he'd let me). Took a while, but he soon understood that I wasn't leaving him and if he lay down he'd hear me singing / telling a story or whatever. Once he was calm, I'd lie down and pretend to go to sleep. Once he'd got it, he found sleep far easier and was less stressed, so when he woke was easier to calm down/ get back to sleep. He also quite quickly started waking less, so was better in the day and I felt like a human being too. I did it for about 9 months, but honestly it was so worth it. DS is 4 now, he sometimes sleeps through, but I never have to sleep in his room and he's easy to settle. BIG HUGS, but do something different and quickly x

Hi. Thanks all. We did co-sleeping for a few months but it stopped working because DP wakes DS with his snoring, then DS wakes DP with his poking, they both wake me etc etc. My DP went into the spare room for a while but neither of us really liked that. Also DS is a restless sleeper so I end up half off the bed!

I followed that with a couple of months of sleeping in his room, but the mattress on the single bed I used was so soft I ended up with a bad back! It's like a comedy of errors over here, I tell you.

But I know you're right I have to step up and take charge if I'm going to get through this. He does understand sequences and knows about the bed routine etc and this makes him very easy to settle in the evening, so I guess I just need to insist on a middle of the night routine too. Eventually he'll get it.

We did make some progress last night, actually, as at 3 am he showed an interest in lying back down in his cot rather than being picked up. It took 1 and a half hours and a couple of screaming fits but in the end he went to sleep in his cot. I am going to designate this week as sleep training week I think and see what happens- can't get any worse, can it??!?!!

Thank you all for your kind and wise words.

Is he walking?

oh yes

When they first start to walk, sleep goes completely up the swanny. The brain isn't wired for having conquered such a massive developmental milestone and switching off at night. It's a fact and one that I clung onto for a while! It's like they have learn to walk and therefore want to all the time and the cot is just getting in the way.

While this passed with dd (and something else started messing her sleep up), I would wear her out as much as possible before bed in the hope that it helped. And sometimes it did.

I'd say you have to de-stress him first, as he's got himself (+ so you too) into a cycle of waking and it being a problem. We went gentle until he'd calmed down about the night waking, then got tough once he was more on an even keel. Seemed to work for us. Really hope whatever you do works and soon too. I will never ever forget those days.

• bad back - sounds familiar too - soft bed, plus being tired is a v.v. bad combination.