5 week old doesn't like snuggle nest. Help!

[Aubergenie]

DS is nearly 5 weeks old, and so far he?s been sleeping with me in the bed while DP is on the sofa. It works well in that we all get some sleep but we would like DP to be able to move back into the bedroom sometime soon.

I got one of these thinking that it would be a good way to co-sleep safely with DP in the bed too. He did manage a nap in it during the day today, but he doesn't seem to like it at night.

The problem is, he is used to being fed to sleep, as I normally feed him lying down and nod off myself. I can no longer do that if he's in this. If I take him out and feed him to sleep, he wakes up and cries when I put him back in the snuggle nest and I have to take him out and BF him to sleep again, then he cries when I put him down. This happens even if he's not hungry and he seems to be using my boob as a dummy.

My question is do you think giving him a dummy might help him to settle? It may sound silly but I'm worried that a dummy might mask his real hunger. Will he be able to spit it out and keep crying if he really is hungry?

Do you think I should I try and get him used to not feeding to sleep or is he still too young? I don't want to him to feel like I've abandoned him so should I just accept that we can't all sleep together for a while and go back to how we were?

abandon snuggle nest

get kingsize bed
OR
get sidecar cot or make own version to give you and ds more space

invite dh back into bed

continue to feed to sleep

Feeding to sleep is what nature intended if you ask me, BUT some babies are rather sucky and if you think this is the case (if he would happily suck on a finger, say) then give him a dummy. He won't be happy with it if he's truly hungry, and he will let you know, trust me!

If the sleeping situation is stressing you out, abandon the snuggle nest and follow Mrs Badger's advice.

Why can't you just all snuggle in together - best feeling in the world, IMHO!

Seeker - DP is quite a heavy sleeper and I'm just a bit worried that he won't be as aware of the baby as I am. I think I'll be a bit less anxious when he's bigger but at the moment I'm terrified of DP rolling onto him or something. I'm probably being neurotic but I wouldn't get any sleep if I didn't feel he was secure.

Won't I have the same problem with a sidecar cot, Mrs Badger?

Actually DP just suggested adapting the snuggle nest so that the sides fold down and I can still feed to sleep. I might try that. I got it cheap on Ebay so it doesn't matter if it doesn't work.

Do they eventually just grow out of that feed to sleep thing?

Just investigated the snuggle nest a bit closer and it's plastic so we can't adapt it. I wonder why they didn't design it to have fold down sides?

Not too stressed James - We can definitely manage how we are for a while longer as I know this won't last forever. The most important thing for me is that he feels secure.

The snuggle nest is designed specifically not to fold down, so you can't roll over onto it and squish the baby.

The way we used to sleep when he was first born was me on my side with my arm up and baby nestled into it. To roll onto him dp would have had to roll over my arm first. When baby got a little older and we were more used to co-sleeping, we used to move our pillows to the very edges of the bed, and ds had the big space between the pillows, as he found sleeping next to my skin too hot and sweaty, but liked being near me. I'm not reccommending this to anyone else, but it worked for us.

A sidecar cot is just an extra sleeping space at the side of you, attached to your bed. Your dp would be on the other side of you.

Not entirely sure about the feeding to sleep thing as my ds was ff from 4 months (and still feeds to sleep a lot of time now, at 15 months!)

I meant I think I'd have the same problem in that as I'd have to lift him out of a sidecar cot to feed him (wouldn't I?) and he probably wouldn't settle in in the same way he won't in the snuggle nest.

I would have thought they could design the SN with sides that fold down for feeding and safely up again for sleeping. I think there's a gap in the market there!

The sidecar cot thingies are pulled up flush to the side of the bed so there's no gap, so in theory you can feed him and leave him where he is etc. It's just more space.

Just a thought but have you tried swaddling? I'd try that, and feeding him in the same blanket (but not swaddled tightly during feeds) so he stays warm.

I am co-sleeping with my now 3 month old. I did consider many of the things already mentioned (side car, nest etc). I am glad I didn't buy any of them as there is no way he would have gone in them. He sleeps attached to breast or right next to me. We have a big bed and I try sometimes to put him back into the middle after a feed to give me more room, but it often wakes him. Babies want to be next to Mummy, and in time you won't even notice. Now, at 3 months, I wake sometimes to swap sides, but mostly we seem to do it all in our sleep!

As to the dummy, my ds is soooooo sucky that I desperately tried to give him one. He would not take it - so it may not work for you either. Some babies just want mum and will not take any substitute. Ds will take a finger when really desperate, but only rarely.

Turn the snuggle nest around. Put baby's head at the foot part and feet at the head part.

Or... when your baby cries, use other ways to sooth him than the boob. You will appreciate these extra strings to your bow later on when feeding to sleep begins to fail, even if right now all you want to do is all go back to sleep ASAP. (Which is not an unreasonable desire at all IMO. At 5 weeks I was still doing well to brush my teeth once a day.)

Definately get a bigger bed or the side cot you can feed then just move over a bit when he's done. Giving you all the extra space and you can swap cuddles with baby for dh when he's finished feeding.

dd slept on my non-dh side, which is why our 'sidecar' cot worked (actually a normal one with one side taken off and extra holes drilled to get the mattresses at the same height) - it just gave a bit more bed space where dd was. I didn't move her into after feeding but often once she'd gone to sleep she'd roll away from me into it, iyswim.

"Some babies just want mum." as a mother of a 3.5yo who was like this and now a 6 wk old, i take this as a sign of intelligence: they know when they're offered 2nd best.

I just wonder whether going from the warmth of being next to you to the cool of his nest might be contributing?

I think you could be right ohidoliketobebesidethe - I wonder if that's what wakes him up when I put him in there.

Yes, I already swaddle him James and it definitely helps him relax. Although not enough, unfortunately!

I did try him with a dummy last night and found it quite disturbing as it was so big on his tiny face and it made him look like Hannibal Lecter. He made it clear in no uncertain terms that he didn't like it anyway. I think you're right about not wanting 2nd best Foxy!

I'm reluctant to spend a lot of money on a sidecar cot only to find he won't sleep in that either. So those of you who sleep with their baby AND partner without any additional paraphernalia like snuggle nests or sidecar cots, where do you put the baby for sleeping and feeding ( in the middle of the bed or at the side? Do you pick him up and feed him or just feed him lying down?). And what do you do to stop the baby rolling out of bed or your partner rolling onto the baby or pulling the duvet over him? I know I'm a paranoid first timer, but DS is so tiny that terrified of DP suffocating him.

We used to put dd between us until dh v. nearly squashed her. I then realised he slept as deeply as ever whereas I was a nervous wreck and only slept very lightly. I then kept her on my side and curled myself around her keeping an arm strategically placed to keep her in. Never mastered feeding lying down though - always got up, put lights on in another room and sat in chair.

if you can't cannibalise a cot you already have (am happy to give instructions ) then a bedguard (20 quid in Mothercare or v cheap on ebay) will stop her falling out of bed if she's not between you and dh

I feed him on either side, always laying down. I have a bed rail on the side to ensure he doesn't roll out. He sleeps either between me and the bed rail, or between me and dh. It just depends what side he was on when I last fed him. Sometimes I move him away from me after a feed and sometimes we both doze off like that and I wake later to find him asleep with his head on my breast like a pillow.

When DS was wee he slept in a Fisher Price rocker next to the bed. On the occasions that he wouldn't go back to sleep without cuddles, he slept in the crook of my arm on the opposite side to DH.

When he hit 5.5 mth and had a gross motor development explosion he started waking up half hourly, then settled into a pattern of hourly. I was working full time, so co-sleeping became a permanent thing. By that stage he was a one boob at a time kind of guy, so he swapped sides. I have perfected the "toddler toss" where in the depths of my sleep I hear a small boy say "na na please mummy" and I toss him over my body and pull up my shirt. He still sleeps in the crook of my arm, though, so I can push DH away if necessary (though it never is).

Thanks for your replies. It's really useful to know how other people manage it. I'll investigate a bed rail and try a night with the 3 of us. DIncidentally, do you pull the duvet all the way up? At the moment when it's just me and DS, I'm really anal about tucking it in at the bottom of the bed so it only comes half way up in case I pull it over the baby's head in my sleep.