i know its been posted a million times but advice on sleep needed please!

[charl25]

hi all, im sorry i know there has been loads of posts on sleeping habbits etc, but i desperatly need some help.
my ds is just turned 5 months, and has gone from waking once in the night about 2pm, for a feed (bottle), to more or less waking every hour. We started off quite firm, and just fed and put back into moses basket but recently because we've become so shattered, we've been getting him into bed with us more and more. my dh isnt happy about this, as he feels its leading to bad habbits, but we dont know what else to do.
I think hes hungry as he will have his bottle then have the rest of it when he wakes a hour later, again my dh says this isnt ideal as he dont want him to expect being fed on and off all night.
we have ended up having a big row because we've both got different opinions and we're just so tired. any help/advice would be great, or just someone saying its normal!
thanks
ps hes been on bit of solids for about 2 weeks as hv suggested it might make him settle, but its made little/no difference.

Hey there, I think 5 months is just the age when they start waking lots in the night. My DD is the same... She used to be a great sleeper but this last week (since clocks went back) she's been waking at roughly 11pm, 2am, 4am, 6am... Its so hard to know if it's the cold weather, teething, developmental stage or hunger isn't it? I'm reluctant to introduce more night feeds too... It's really tricky isn't it?

You have my sympathies, my dd is nearly 8 months and your situation sounds very familiar! All I want to do here is reassure you that you are doing nothing wrong. I get a little sick and tired of people talking about babies 'expecting' to be fed or developing 'bad habits' such as wanting to sleep in bed with you. It's mostly because we are subjected to this sort of thing all the time - 'don't let your baby fall asleep on you', 'don't let your baby fall asleep on the breast' as if they are making some malicious plan to trap you into doing it the wrong way! Babies do not have not the cognitive capabilities for this type of behaviour - if your ds wants feeding, it is because he is hungry! Let me tell you about my dd - we have coslept since she was 2 weeks old, mostly because in the beginning it was the easy way for us all to get some sleep. Gradually over time from when she was 4 months old she was struggling to sleep more and more in bed with us and I discovered that she wanted to spend some of the night sleeping in her cot - she would start out there and then come into bed with us when she woke up for feeding. Then again, over time, she started not wanting to fall asleep on my breast post feed, she would squirm and complain until I put her back in her cot. So she decided when it was time to move, not us! Admittedly in the early days I tried at times of desperation to get her to sleep the whole night in her cot but it just would not work. Now she sleeps in her cot, in her own room, not quite through the night yet, but she's only 8 months old! If I start getting stressed about her not 'sleeping through' we'll all get very unhappy! SO if your ds wakes for feeding, it is because he is hungry; if he wants to sleep in bed with you it is because he feels safer being close to his mummy and daddy. Please enjoy these times because, tired as you are, they will pass and things will change and you will miss them (it's lovely that we have our bed back, but it was even more wonderful waking up with our little baby nestled between us). Your ds will not develop 'bad habits' - it's simply not possible at this age. If you can relax and just enjoy it, you will find it much easier to cope with.

Good luck and let us know how things progress.

thanks so much for that. its so hard to know if what your doing is right isnt it. Im sick of ppl saying 'oh isnt he sleeping through yet?' and 'you'll make a rod for your own back' etc. My mum is the worst, she thinks because shes older-yes she has had us 3 kids- she knows everything! she has said to put him in his own room and feed him once and ignore him! how can you do that!??!!
Like you say, i think we'll just have to accept he'll sleep through when hes ready, and like you say, try and enjoy it! Its hard on relationships aswel isnt it-when you differ in what you think is 'right'.
I think men think of these things bit differently to us?

Gah, if I had a pound for every time I've been told I'm making a rod for my own back by letting dd sleep in bed with us I wouldn't have to go back to work! It's tough to trust your instincts sometimes but he's YOUR baby, no-one else's. The strain put on one's relationship post baby is one of those things people don't really talk about - we've had our fair share of arguments and low points too- it's particularly worse at 3am when the baby won't go to sleep...the levels of honesty we've reached have become far too honest sometimes! We're trying to get through it by telling each other everything; I really feel as though I'm growing as a person because I'm being forced to improve my levels of patience and manage those horrible swells of anger and guilt that can hit you in the middle of the night. My dh really needs his sleep so I've felt terribly guilty about waking him up to go on baby duty - how stupid is that?! It's not as if he minds doing it - he doesn't at all, it's just another weird dimension to my life nowadays! Talking everything through and listening to one another is really all you can do to get through the tough times - you will though, I promise!

my ds is the same. they go through a massive growth spurt at 5-6 mth. my ds is 8.5 mth and been waking every hour since 4 mths. i always feed back to sleep cos i'm too tired to do anything else and my dh works nights so there is no one else to soothe.

i have read every book and tried every method. been posting on here recently and someone suggested i put him to bed earlier. guess what it worked, he slept for 4 hours then woke after 2 -21/2. massive improvement. look under the sleep section on here and consider this:

if there are so many books on how to get your baby to sleep then that proves that babies don't naturally just go to sleep easily.

my uncle is a doctor and he says that babies sleep cycles get longer at about 10 months and whatever method you are using at that time then you say thats what works.

if any consolation you will get used to having no sleep.
let me know how you get on

thanks again. in reply to avonbarksdale, yeah its strange how tough things get in the middle of the night when your exhausted. my dh is brilliant with my ds, really hands on and loving, i think thats why i find it so hard when he gets cranky with him in the night. we have spoke todayafter our row last night, and we're going to talk about it later, so i'll keep you posted!
and kalo, its a good point you've got about the sleep books! I sometimes feel that im missing out on the secret! i guess some babys are just better at settling than others! my ds seems tired earlyier tonight, so i might just go with it, put him down earlier, and feed through the night if need be! i'll let you all know how i get on! fingers crossed its slightly better tonight!

kalo12 what time do you put him to bed?
I am having immense problems with DS sleep - 11/2/4/6 o'clock waking sound like heaven to me!

xx

i am putting him to bed at 6. it used to be seven- 7.30, but that was before clocks went back.

so i attempt tea at 4 (he doesn't eat either)
then start bath at 5 ish, then let him roll about on my bed with no clothes on listening to lullabies, lights dim, then bf at 5.30 ish, fallen asleep feeding about six.

remember i've only had success with this for one night, so i am not a guru by any means!

hi again. not sure if you guys are still watching this thread, but just though id give you a update! I but put him down at 6pm last night(earlier than normal).He then woke at 10pm for feed, and he was really projectile vomiting his milk, so we took him bed with us, and stayed there. he just woke once for his feed at 2am, then slept through till 6am-when he was wide awake! so overall not too bad. though hes still being sick todayy, and has had lots of poorly poo's, so one thing after another!

our night was crap!

I haven't got any extra advice to offer- God knows I've posted enough on here about my own sleep problems with DS - I just wanted to show solidarity to all of you and say "yeah, me too!!".

My DS is sleeping slightly better than he was a few weeks ago (have I jinxed tonight by saying that?!) but I don't think it's anything I've done. The only thing I can say is that it really helped me to remember that this isn't forever, it isn't about anything I've done wrong and just to accept this is the way it will be for a while without trying to change it.

Of course, HV's that try to tell me that I should start weaning him because he hasn't slept through the night yet and well-meaning relatives trying to tell me I should just let him cry haven't helped!!

I've read so many books by so many so-called experts that I don't know what to believe, but I now think that until my DS had read the same books, it doesn't bloody matter!!

MN has really helped me come to terms with this reality of motherhood - most of us ain't gonna get much sleep!!

Hi all,
this is the first time i've logged in to chat. i'm so relieved to hear that it's not just my baby that can't sleep. he's ten weeks and has always been a really light sleeper, waking every one or two hours in the night and the only thing that settles him is a breastfeed, if only for a few seconds. I then have to hold him for ages to make sure he's deeply asleep then really gently lower him into the crib which is right next to the bed and more often than not as soon as he's put down(or 5 mins after) he starts tossing and turning and wakes himself up. during the day i rock him to sleep in his pram but then he'll wake after 20 mins or so. if i'm out in the pram he can sleep for up to 3 hours though. i just don't understand why he can't sleep for longer at night. he's still tired when he wakes and sleepy but just can't be settled unless he's fed and then wakes when i put him down. after ten weeks i'm so, so exhausted and started to feel quite low and frustrated about it. i have a routine during the day - first feed at 7 then a bit of a cuddle, up at 8, second feed about 9.30, then he sleeps for half an hour. then up again for a while then he sleeps between 11 and 1. feed at 1. playtime between 2 and 3. i try and get him to sleep again at 3.30 but he often fights it. he often ends up napping for 20 mins at 5ish. then up until bath at 7ish then last feed at 8 when he falls asleep on breast. i can get him in crib for an hour or so then before he wakes.
i feel like i'm doing everything wrong as so many other babies are sleeping for long periods at this stage (or so others tell me). i wish i knew what the best thing to do about it is!