3yo waking 4 times a night

[Sheila]

My ds is 3 this month and has always been a pretty bad sleeper, but over the last 9 months or so he had improved to the extent that I was getting enough sleep so as not to feel tired during the day, and (very occasionally) an interrupted night's sleep.

Over the last few weeks though everything has deteriorated and he's now getting me out of bed 3-4 times every night. Usually it's a bad dream (dinosaurs coming into his room!) that wakes him and he cries out, or he's thirsty, or he's heard a noise (the wind in the chimney, a car going past)...

Once I've gone in to him he usually goes straight back to sleep, but the interruptions are so frequent that I'm beginning to have difficulty getting back to sleep myself in between them.

I must admit I don't think I handle the situation very well - lately I've usually just gone into his room and shouted a bit to relieve my anger - knowing full well that this isn't going to help, although talking soothingly doesn't make much difference either.

I don't know what to do about this - he's a very fearful boy at the moment generally and seems genuinely terrifed by his bad dreams, so the thought of not going to him at all doesn't seem fair. Since he ususally goes straight back to sleep controlled crying isn't going to work... any suggestions? I've tried talking to him about it and expalining how tired and grumpy it makes me feel, and he agrees, but the next night it's the same.

He's having a difficult time generally at the moment since he's just been moved up to the big boys' room at nursery, where he attends full time, but I'm afraid my sysmpathy has long since worn out - I work full time and am a single parent so my stocks of patience are low to begin with, and our life only works when we're both well and reasonably well-rested.

Any advice/experiences very gratefully received. Sorry to go on so long.

I can understand how you must be at your wits end. A friend of mine has a ds who is a very light sleeper and wakes alot in the night. She has had some success with a star chart. After 10 stars (to represent an unbroken night) then she buys some much desired toy.
With my own ds (3.5) who is prone to nightmares, I have built in a night-time ritual of saying just before he goes to sleep that there is nothing scary in our house and that his guardian angel (use whatever suits you) will be there all night to watch over him and I say how well he will feel in the morning after a lovely peaceful night's sleep.
I say exactly the same thing every single night, occasionally adding in a new exemption (i.e no Cruella after 101 Dalmations). Seems to help
Good luck

Thanks Bugsy - what a lovely idea! DS is very fond of angels - spots them regularly when we pass churches. A bit of an embarrassment really since I'm a complete heathen. I'll try this.

Will also try the star chart but since it might take 3 months to get to 10 I may give him a reward after 5!

My three-year old daughter was a NIGHTMARE until v recently - wouldn't go to bed then constantly woke up, wouldn't go back to sleep, crawled into our bed, crying etc, etc. She also seemed genuinely frightened - I'd slipped into a routine of letting her stay up as I found it too wearing after working all day to fight to get her into bed and I do wonder whether she watched some v inappropriate tv - don't know, really.
I went to stay with my sister in the US for a holiday (12 hour flight on my own with a three year old and a 14 month-old - lovely) and started changing the routine - haven't a clue why it made a difference and may have coincided with the fact she no longer wears a nappy at night time and is just that bit older anyway so you can tell her what a good girl she was for staying in her bed etc. But she really doesn't seem to wake up anymore. But, if it's any use, no tv/video after a certain time - and as little as possible anyway - as much exercise as possible, then games, reading after tea until our nanny drops with exhaustion (I work fulltime). When I get home we play for a while until 7:30 then she has a bath with her sister, a wee and I/we aim to get them both in bed by 7:45 for a drink and a story. I really don't know why she's more settled - I'm a lot less stressed - but even if she wakes up which is really infrequently anyway she goes back to sleep - may occasionally need help with a wee but even does that on her own. Hope I don't sound smug - I'm not as the 15-month dd is going through a not very helpful patch at the moment and I used to be smug about first dd until she was ten months re sleeping patterns and then she became rather less than easy. Also, she has a nightlight - but always has and seems to be happier about being in her room generally - I made a fuss about that and lots of praise etc.
I feel v sorry for you and not sure the above will help - she just seems to feel more secure. Lots of luck. I HATE sleep deprivation. I'm sure others will have more sensible, practical help.

Sheilla my dd1 who was 3 in jan has for the last couple of months woken and come into our room up to 3 times a night - and will go back with no problem, but after 4/5am she will only sleep in our bed !

At night we say to her that she must sleep in her own bed tonight - and in the morning if she does she is very pleased and knows that she has slept in her own bed.

She told me that there were animals in her wardrobe - specifically pigs and cows - that were scaring her - this has seemed to have all started when we went to a farm a couple of months ago - and she was petrified when she saw the cows and pigs.

We are just putting up with the night waking as she seems to be waking for reassurance - and is now having some nights sleeping through - and I feel it is partly our fault for taking her to the farm !

Oh started a separate thread (sleep nightmare)in a sleep deprived rage this morning and now have come back after a long stomp around and found this one. My ds is 2.5 and I feel very instinctively that he is manipulating me by working out things and tones we react to and getting us in and out of his room all night. However there is always that horrible guilty feeling that there may be something deeper and I'm missing it. I go over and over and he has a fab life which will begin to be considerable less fab if we cant get him to sleep.

I would love any advice on how to do sleep training on a child who sleeps in a bed (ie is not confined)wakes the neighbours when he cries and can keep going for hours.

Since my initial post (and thanks by the way for all the advice and experiences - it's SUCH a comfort to know others have experienced this) the situation has got even worse! DS now getting me up 5-6 times most nights, again seemingly in genuine terror. He really likes the "Nothing scary in the house" line but seems to need me to say it to him several times a night. I'm slightly more patient with him than I was but still manage to lose it by the 4/5th stagger out of bed. He seems to be a bit more settled at nursery and basically I'm going with it in the hope that his sleep will settle down when that situation is resolved. I do worry thought that this behaviour will become a habit.

witch1 I sympathise and also wonder at times if DS is just being manipulative, but since this is such a new and sudden thing (in his case) and coinncided with a big and frightening change at Nursery, I think it's related to that. Someone asked me today if he may be being bullied by the bigger kids, and I'll talk to nursery about this tonight.

Fortunately DS is still in a cot, but due to get a big boy's bed for his 3rd birhtday later this month. Will I live to regret it?!