Crying It Out method on 13 week old

[Wigglesworth]

My DS is 13 weeks old and has trouble settling to sleep. He is better at night but only when we pat him to sleep. During the day he wakes up after about 45 mins and won't go back to sleep and cries. He stirs a few times during the night and whinges but usually goes back to sleep when we pop his dummy back in and pat his tummy a little.
He still sleeps in our room at night in his moses basket, but during the day we virtually let him sleep where ever he will sleep in his pram, on sofa (obviously we don't leave his side if we do this!).
We are thinking about starting the crying it out method but not sure if he is too young yet. Anybody have experience of this or any tips and advice would be greatly appreciated. Myself and DH just don't want to leave it too late to sort this out cos I am sure it will get worse!

13 weeks is far too young IMO.

CC and CIO are recommmended for 6 or possibly even 12 month onwards.
i can't rememebr which but 13 weeks to deffo to young.

If he doesn't sleep without being rocked or patted to sleep and then wakes after 45 mins what would you suggest?

Do you mean he can't get to sleep at bed time?
mnet on the whole is anti 'cring it out' so I don't think you'll get much support for the idea!
Does he stay asleep for longer than 45 minutes if the pram's moving? If so I'd try and get him having one longer nap in the day. My mum has a lot of experience and always thought the better they are at sleeping in the day the better at night too.
Patting to sleep at bed time works for a
lot of people. If you want him to go to sleep without patting could you give him other sleep 'triggers' like music and gradually withdraw the pats?
My 3 have always gone to sleep at night in a dark room and ds1 had a music player that lasted 15 minutes which he stopped having at about 4 yrs!
13 weeks is still right in the middle of no sleep baby stuff for most people so you're not alone!

I wouldn't leave a 13 week old to cry. I agree that at least 6 and probably 12 months is maybe ok. I know it's tough when you are sleep deprived, and you feel like you'd do anything. Would you consider co-sleeping? Is your DS still being swaddled?

I think I've heard 6 mths as a minimum age too LSTH.
Patting is really quite normal at 13 weeks - it doesn't mean you'll be doing it forever.

Not keen on co-sleeping due to SIDS, just worried that not allowing him to settle himself will have a negative effect later on. DS hates being swaddled he wriggles his hands free straight away.

I'm no expert but I'm sure I read that cry it out is not advised for under-ones.

Personally I would say if patting works then continue to do that - he needs reassurance that you are nearby at this young age.

45-minute long naps during the day are perhaps long enough - how many naps does he usually have?

I loosely followed the baby whisperer when DD was little so that her day was broken up by feeds, awake time then naps. But I was led by her tired cues and didn't have any kind of routine by the clock. She found her own rhythm and it worked pretty well.

Does he feed at night when he wakes? Many babies still feed at night at this age. DD didn't "sleep through" till 5 months and I consider myself very lucky. She was breastfed, not sure if this makes a difference or not. I think they sleep through when they're ready.

I would suggest that it is your problem not his and that you need to find a humane approach to helping him sleep longer. It is normal for babies not to be able to drop off to sleep by themselves at this age and for a while yet - and it is very hard on the parents I know but could you really leave your tiny baby to cry it out? There are lots of other things you can try first (PUPD, NCSS) and then if you still need to sort it out in a few months you can consider CC at least knowing you tried the kinder things first.

I just did what ever worked, so if the patting etc works I would have done that.

I remember spending hours pacing the floor with DS3 because thats all that would work.
DS4 was the total opposite and wanted to be left alone(not so now though, he;s worse then a newborn atm and often ends up in our bed)

There no rhyme or reason....bloody exhausting which ever way you do it.

far too young. He's 13 weeks old, if he needs cuddled or patted to sleep, then cuddle or pat him, and ignore anyone who says you are making a rod for your own back.

Don't let his precious baby days disappear under a cloud of trying to mould him to an unrealistic routine.

and enjoy the cuddling, they grow up so quickly

He is formula fed. We give him a feed at around 7pm and pat him to sleep til around 8pm. We then wake him for a dream feed at approx 11pm and settle him back to sleep, he then wakes 3 to 4 times during the night. I know he isn't hungry cos he goes back to sleep if we pat him again and give him his dummy. I cannot understand why he wakes up so many times during the night and why he won't sleep properly during the day.

what time doe he have a bottle in teh morning?

Are you sure he isn't hungry?
I'm not sure any of mine slept right the way through at 13 weeks....

I always did a dreamfeed too but would always be woken again at 4am-ish for another bottle.

Ds3 was over a year before he stopped waking that early

We feed him at 7am and he takes a good feed at all his feeds.

Sorry, I didn't read you post properly.

You said you know he isn't hungry...

Young babies still have short sleep cycles and when they wake up they want either comfort, food or nappy change. He is so young that his stomach is still very small so even if he will go back to sleep I would be very surprised if he was not hungry. Most babies are still being fed at least twice a night at that age. And if he needs you for comfort is that so bad, really? It is a very short time since he was part of you 24 hours a day.

God.

I'm going to sound like a patronising old hag now but I really think he's waking becuse he is hungry.
11pm to 7am at 13 week is a really long time.

I'd try a bottle during the night, maybe just 3-4oz rather then a full bottle.

You can slap my patronising face if youlike

Crying is out is not only cruel but it's pointless at his age. There is no point in doing any kind of sleep training whatsoever before 3 months IMO. I would try the babywhisperer - it does teach them to fall asleep on their own - the shh-pat technique is good.

BTW, all 4 of my boys were bottle fed.
Just so you know I'm talking as a bottle feeder.

Have just seen that you don't night feed. I think that might be the problem.

If he doesn't sleep without being rocked or patted then I would suggest rocking or patting. I agree that he is probably hungry, too. There are lots of growth spurts at this age, so even if he's not hungry every night, some nights he is.

Have you tried feeding him when he wakes, as most babies have a feed at 11pm and again at 3amish.

It could be that the dummy is starting to disturb his sleep, it had that effect on our DD at that age and sice giving it up she's back to only waking once for a feed and perhaps 1 or 2 more times but settles herself pretty quickly

Wiggles, ds was also ff and at that age took a bottle at 7, 11 and about 4 or 5, so perhaps he is a bit hungry?
I used to let ds whinge to sleep at times, but not full blown screaming. If he was fed, changed and winded and had lots of cuddles in teh day, sometimes he would whine from fighting sleep. Patting made him worse - he got very distressed. I know letting your child cry themselves to sleep is not good, but a bit of grumbling is okay as far as I am concerned.

Ok, I am all for routines but no way cry it out ever. When they are 6 mths on then cc but crying it our is just leaving them to scream without any checks or anything -right?

Anyway, here is what I think you need to do.

Feed at bedtime, dreamfeed at 11pm. Aim to do a nightfeed at 2am. If he wakes before this, do pupd.

More importantly, I reckon he is waking so often as he is looking for his dummy. Dummies often begin disturbing sleep at around 12 wks.

Ditch the dummy (use pupd to help you) and give a feed during the night. Give a bottle of as much as he will take.

Nothing wrong with helping a baby learn to self settle. Don't listen to those who say it is impossible when they are young. Not true. CIO is not the way to go though.