DD spent most of last night asleep on me - don't think she slept in her cot for a minute. Help!

[Anglepoise]

Yep, I'm the same mum who posted two days ago about her three week old sleeping too much

DD will be four weeks on Saturday. We have good nights and bad nights with her, as you might expect, but last night was ridiculous. Every time we settled her, she'd sleep for perhaps thirty seconds and then start to grunt. We'd wait tensely in silence to see if she would settle herself. Then she'd start to wail - not really angry, indignant, in pain wails but long langourous ones, becoming increasingly more indignant if we didn't rush over to her. I can't do controlled crying and we have neighbours! Generally DH would pick her up and walk around with her bouncing her for ten minutes, until she appeared to be back to sleep, then put her down and the whole thing would start again. Eventually I took over and fed her to see if I could knock her out with milk but she'd go comatose on me and then wake up the minute she was back in her cot. Finally I just let her sleep on me propped up in bed, so we could at least get some sleep, but doing this scares me a bit and DH a lot (he's convinced we'll squish her).

Any suggestions? DH thinks it's wind and we're dosing her up with Infacol but once she was asleep on me I wasn't really bothering to wind her and she slept fine. Have I just got one of those babies who won't sleep on their backs? But she did sleep in the crib downstairs for a couple of hours yesterday.

She sleeps a lot in her car seat during the day - can we put her in that at night or will we destroy her tiny spine?

Any suggestions gratefully received, sorry it's so long

At that age I let my LO sleep on me the whole time. I wouldn't worry about it. Do whatever you can to get her to sleep... the more sleep she gets the easier it'll be... A cot is a really big scary place... Have you tried her in a cosy moses basket?

It gets easier around 12 weeks when the startle reflex goes

Agree on the moses basket being less scary than a big cot. What most tiny babies really want is to be snuggled up to their mum so being alone in a large space must be a bit scary. The long cries you describe don't sound like wind (but I may be wrong, obv) so much as not wanting to be alone.

Will she sleep in the crook of your arm, between the two of you in bed? All we used to do was move the pillows apart, snuggle her into my arm, and my ds would sleep fine.

You can get special sleeping areas for going in your bed if you're really worried about squashing her, but you won't, you know. You just don't, it's like you develop another sense when you're a mother. Even in your sleep you have half an eye on them!!

Will look for the sleeping area jobbies now.

Oh, also agree with Becky about the startle reflex being a pain in the arse. My ds would fling his arms out, the moses basket would creak and he'd wake up (after that we co-slept)

Oh, can't find the proper name for them but there's one here on ebay: link

Also cots have very flat firm mattresses which must be horrible to try and fall asleep on your back on... moses basket mattress have a curve to them so they hug baby slightly and the sides of the basket reduce the startle reflex which usually kicks in when you baby's arms get to all the way flat.

Swaddling helps a great deal to control the startle reflex. A lot of babies love being swaddled, have you tried that?

Ah here's a better link the snugglenest.

You could try a hot water bottle in the sleeping space. Swap it for baby when you pick her up to feed her, and swap her back into the same space when you are ready to put her back down again so that there is never a moment when she is not 'snuggly' and warm. The cotton sheets can be a bit cold at first.

Thanks for the replies The startle reflex used to be a complete pain in the arse but she seems to be coping with it better now. We also tried swaddling her for the first week or so, which she did like and then it seemed to start pissing her off. The thing is that she's slept okay in the cot for weeks - we've had some really good nights. Perhaps she's just waking up a bit more and realising where she is now!

I am drawn to co-sleeping but a bit scared of it and DH is really nervous about it. I think I read somewhere that it increases the risk of SIDS by 40 times Perhaps I should order that Three in a Bed book and have a read ... At the moment her cot is next to our bed with a dropside, but I'm thinking of removing the side altogether and bungeeing it to our bed so I can covertly co-sleep without DH noticing ...

That link is to a Snuggle Nest, which I love the look of but DH wasn't keen (can't remember why now - he isn't obstructive btw, just nervous!). I also like the Nature's Nest.

Just booked in with a cranial osteopath to see if that helps but it's £95 so might cancel that and book someone cheaper (nothing but the best for my child! )

JamesATGB cross-posts, sorry!

missmama I did try that one night, but woke up convinced I'd left the bottle in her bed and overheated her and killed her. I was so anxious to check she wasn't actually dead that I accidentally poked her quite hard in the face and it took two hours to settle her down again She's in a grobag now but perhaps we should try swaddling again.

If you're near London there's a cranial osteopaths in Farringdon that work on a donation only basis

i think the idea you mentioned about taking the cot side off is a good one. Our DD was a very wriggly sleeper, and so co-sleeping didn't work for us. We got a bedside cot, so I was still in touching distance as we slept.

We were in London but now oop north Just cancelled the £95 one (that should have been a before rather than a grin) and booked someone cheaper for this afternoon, so will see if that helps, plus take the side of the cot off. And I'm watching that ebay auction ...

Thanks for the help, it helps just to be able to vent a bit

4 weeks is waaaaay too early for controlled crying, so put it completely out of your mind. They don't even start to tell night from day until 6 weeks so you've got a bit of a way to go before she gets her sleep patterns settled. 4 weeks is classic growth spurt time, too.

If she sleeps well propped up/with body heat, then try to emulate that. Nice and cosy and warm, swaddled, and something propped up. DS had a Fisher Price rocker that could be propped back to make a bed that he slept in until he started rolling over, around 4 months. He also wouldn't sleep in his cot and he and I wailed together at 3am more than once before we got the chair. It really helped prevent reflux/spitting up, and he wasn't really a refluxy baby.

Hi there - I really sympathise with what you are experiencing!

We had the same issue when our DD was very small (she's still only 4 months though!) in that she had a sixth sense for whether she was asleep on us or in the Moses - the minute she was gingerly lowered into the Moses she'd be wide awake! We tried what the Dr Sears book recommends: comfort the baby to sleep in your arms, and wait until they are in a really deep sleep - all these signs should be there before you put them down:

no facial grimaces, unclenched fists, no muscle twitches, no fluttering eyelids, generally completely floppy.

I think we were putting her down when she was still in a light sleep, so she woke up. Waiting until she was in a deep sleep did seem to work (mostly...). Might take 15 / 20 mins of cuddling in your arms before you put her down.

Also swaddling might help?

A friend has a bedside cot called a co-sleeper, which is designed to fit to the side of the bed (as you are suggesting), with the side dropped down, which seems to be a good compromise between actual co-sleeping (if your DH is nervous), and having the baby in a full-on Moses or cot.

I'm now posting on another thread about how to get a 4 month old to stop waking up so much though, so as soon as you solve one sleep issue another one comes along! Good luck though.

Thanks

The visit to the cranial osteopath seems to have made a real difference and DH and I are feeling a lot more refreshed after a decent night's sleep (I'm also up three hours earlier than usual!)

Controlled crying is a long way from my thoughts - think I'm an attachment parent all the way

That infant seat thing looks great. Will also try to sort the cot out today and maybe try swaddling her again.