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Sleep

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Original poster

I feel sick and nervous before and after putting baby down at night

20 replies

susiemcwinkster · 21/10/2008 20:24

Does anyone else haave these feelings? I was always a bit nervous at bedtime as often do it on my own (OH not home early enough), but baby was ill recently which disruoted his and my routine. Now if he cries, my heart is in my mouth in case I can't settle him. What if he wakes fully and kicks off for 2 hours - like he did a few nights ago? I feel sick with worry for myself - what if I can't get to bed early enough - I needmy sleep. He tends to wake a fwe times a night for a dummy which frightens me and I leap up desperate to put it back in before he kicks off. I feel a bit pathetic but I can't unllock my stomach. I am going to docs this week for a bit of help. sometimes feel like i can't face doing this every night for the next however many years. Does anyone else feel this nervous? Thanks x

OP posts:

Becky77 · 21/10/2008 20:36

I've never felt like that but just wanted to respond to your thread. It sounds like a good idea to see your GP. I hope you manage to get some support

Littlefish · 21/10/2008 20:48

I used to feel a bit like this. In fact, I felt like it until dd was about 2 and was sleeping consistently through the night.

I really don't have any advice for you, but just wanted you to know you aren't the only one.

Jun · 21/10/2008 20:51

Hello

How old is your baby? I know I felt like that sometimes in the first few weeks. I was scared of putting DD down partly in case something happened to her but partly as I was frightened she would wake. I also used to feel a bit like what is the point of going to sleep as she will only wake me up in a few hours.

Anyway enough about me. I think going to the GP is the right thing to do.

nickytwoooohtimes · 21/10/2008 20:53

susie, I used to be constantly on edge waiting for ds to wake in the night. you are not alone. However you do sound VERY anxious - maybe you could get a bit of support from the GP?
And try to remember, this is only a phase in your child's life. There will be a time when he sleeps through consistently, hopefully in the near future.

NotAnOtter · 21/10/2008 20:55

susie - agree with last poster

i think you may be a little over anxious - just elevated 'normal' emotions

it all passes but do speak to your gp

kalo12 · 21/10/2008 20:56

i started feeling like this two - my ds is very poor sleeper, wakes every 1-2 hours even at 8 months, anyway i am now suffering with pnd and i think you sounded as panicked as i use too, my dh works evenings too, its hard on your own at bedtime.. i am having counselling, - it really helps to offload and to get some perspective and to relax a bit

TheGabster · 21/10/2008 20:57

Absolutely - know EXACTLY how you feel. My LO is completely unpredictable/pants on the day nap front and I get the cold sweats the last 20m before nap time - I know what is coming. Lots of sympathy for you!

I just try and be confident - I keep telling myself, if I'm not calm then how am I ever going to get DS to be calm enough to nod off. That seems to help me get some control back.

I know what you mean about the nights too. It has been ages since we have had a bad night, but I still wake up at all hours in a panick, waiting for DS to start crying, desperate for the loo but not daring to go in case it disturbs him! [crossed legs emoticon]

Hope you get on OK at the doctors - it really is a kind of anxiety attack and I am sure he could give you some constructive advice/help.

pudding25 · 21/10/2008 22:27

I know how you feel. it only got better for me when dd started sleeping through at 16 wks and had done so for a while. Incidentally, she started sleeping through once we got rid of her dummy. How old is your baby?

it had got to the stage with me that I was not sleeping at all (am a notoriously bad sleeper anyway). I could not get to sleep at night as i knew she would wake and then once I did the night feed around 3am, she would go back to sleep and I would lie awake crying as I could not sleep.

I went to the dr (a private one as NHS was SO shit I'm afraid and told me to relax-huh, if only). I got a very low dose of anti depressants to help me sleep. Those, combined with dd sleeping through, helped no end.

I hope your dr helps you. Just try and think, what is the worst that can happen if they wake? What I do now (which calms me and dd down if she is under the weather or upset) is to sit in the dark with the tv on quietly. It stops the crying and usually, she will go back to bed and sleep. If she is under the weather, I give her calpol.

pandaiis · 21/10/2008 23:39

You're definately not alone. My ds had colic at the start and screamed night and day for weeks. I used to feel sick at the slightest movement from him thinking please don't wake up as I knew he'd just start crying. As for nerves - my dp nipped out to tescos one night and by the time he arrived back I had rung an ambulance as I was convinced ds wasn't breathing right

What time does your oh work to? We put our son to bed after 8 as dp gets home quite late and it means that the two of us do the bedtime routine together.

As for dummies - can he hold one yet?? We give ds a dummy in his mouth and one in his hand.

Don't worry. It will pass getting up in the night. Ds has been sleeping through from about 5 1/2 months and at a year will sometimes sleep til 10 in the morning (although I think I'm pretty lucky with that)

mookickkick · 22/10/2008 10:38

Just wanted to send you some encouragement as well. One time DH planned an evening out, and I was anxious for weeks! Just the thought of it made me panic and I kept hoping he would change his mind. In the end, I managed to settle DD, and give her EBM + FF dreamfeed. I think it was a confidence thing, and I needed to convince myself that I'm the best person to soothe DD. It may not seem that way at times, but you're the mum and you are doing a great job!

Becky77 · 22/10/2008 10:47

I think I have been quite lucky that I've never been a need lots of sleep kind of person... But when I was having severe breastfeeding troubles (up until 10 weeks) I did use to dread waking her up to feed... It was such a stressful upsetting time. I was a nightmare to live with and I was heartbroken that my perfect start with DD was ruined.

I just wanted to say that you can come out the other end and feel better about it all. And while it feels awful take all the help and support you can and dont beat yourself up for coping however you can

bobsyouruncle · 22/10/2008 10:52

I remember feeling like this too. My dc are older now and just wanted to add my reassurance as well, things do get easier and this stage doesn't last forever. It helped me to expect the worst and think through how I'd deal with it, then the reality never seemed as bad. I'm sure your doctor will be able to help too.

shootfromthehip · 22/10/2008 11:02

Oh this is making my palms sweat as I know exactly how you feel . My DD was a terrible sleeper and I would be ill with anticipation before she even went to bed. It's that sense of dread- will she won't she sleep? Will I be up in an hours time? Will I get her back to sleep in under 3hrs? I got to the stage that I was lying awake waiting for her to wake up. Sometimes she did and sometimes she didn't but I know that I spent much of the first 1 1/2 or her life bloody knackered.

For me it wasn't the fact that she needed me particularly it was the unknown will she won't she that made me so anxious. By all means go to the Doc's but don't underestimate just how screwed up you can be through sleep deprivation. If there is any way that you can get some help so that you are not soley responsible for the LO it could help with the anxiety. It does go but I still get the panic with DS if he has one bad night, I am constantly scared that here we go again.

Oh poor you.

bobsyouruncle · 22/10/2008 11:04

I did that lying awake in case they wake up thing too, horrible.

grumblingirl · 22/10/2008 11:42

If you do go to the docs don't let them turn it around and blame all of it on PND. I went to the (useless) HV and GP's about my ds2 who has horrific night waking problems and they tried to grasp hold of PND and not really address the underlying issue which is sleep problems with DS2 - they tried to say all our problems stemmed from PND but I knew that actually I was feeling anxious, tearful and desperate because of being woken up countless times in the night. If you can get to a place in your head where you're ready to tackle the problems with your LO sleep then the anxiety will lessen because at least your taking action to try improve your situation. I remember thinking that I wish humans didn't need to sleep because all it does is cause problems and railing against DP every night because I was so anxious about the night to come.

RosiePierce · 22/10/2008 14:28

Bless you, this sounds like it's ruling your life and i bet it feels like it's not going to end!?

I felt similar as was worried about dd slipping away in her sleep as had had 4 let downs before bron came along, and couldn't bear losing another! In the end just had to take control and let myself have a life again as was going to bed when she did at 7, whilst DH was downstairs or having nights out! i would flinch at every noise she made, and was sure i was passing on my worries onto her!

Got to about 3 months and knew things had to change, so i put her down one evening and thought to myself she's ok, healthy, happy, feeding fine, clean bot, she is tired and needs to sleep like we all do... nothing bad is going to happen! Would leave her for 3 mins (a min for a every month she was), if still crying go back, put her dummy in, stroke her head, then go back out of the room, add a min to the 3 min and so on. went downstairs with my husband after putting on the monitor, and for my own peace of mind would check on her reg, then widened the gaps on checking at my own pace, but still remained firm! started to hear a difference in cry, and knew which was a distressed cry and what was just a moan. meaning i knew she could get herself back off to sleep by herself, which she did very quickly.

i know it sounds easier said than done, but maybe little one is starting to think why should i sleep, because mum seems so scared to let me, is something going to happen!?

It is scary when children get poorly, and it can disrupt routines badly, but remember, you are his mum and you know what's best for him. If it is sleep, feel positive and confident and soon enough he should follow your lead.

If this feels too much at first you can practice this during the day with their day kips, and when they start to get it give them loads of praise (you and them) when they've woken up so they feel proud that they've fallen asleep on their own!! Your confidence will grow back to where I guess it was before LO became ill.

If however you do feel like you need extra help then deffers go for it, but like the others have said don't let them make you feel like you're going mad and need pills!

my lo is now 5 months old, goes down like dream at 7, has a mini feed at about 2, then sleeps till about 6:30! We're just shattered because she's a noisy sleeper and we're ready to move back to our bedroom but feel guilty as all the advice states we have to stay in with her till she six months!

Wouldn't recommend the leaving for a few mins till they're a little older. tiny babies need a little more encouragement else just feel abandoned.

LadyG · 25/10/2008 21:14

I felt like this with DS-awful sleeper woke several times a night for 7 months.
Now co sleep with DD. Much better-Still not as good as a proper nights sleep but can plug her in half asleep and we both eventually drift off. Feel half human this time around.

fizzbuzz · 25/10/2008 21:53

I thought it was only me

I feel like this about dd 2 who comes into or bed. Where am i going to sleep tonight? Do I stay here, or go into her bed. If I do, what about my alarm, glasses, etc.

After I broke down in tears when dss had to get up at 6 one morning and I knew he would wake me up, I realised something was wrong......

Went to docs, who was very sympathetic.........

fizzbuzz · 25/10/2008 21:54

I started to feel sick at the thought of going to bed, and huge knot in throat.........

meandmyjoe · 25/10/2008 21:59

Oh God yes I totally understand how you feel. My ds used to cry so so so much in the day and thankfully was great at night, slept through early but went through separation anxiety 9- 11 months and I dreaded night times. I think I had just been overloaded on crying in the day and just needed a break at night. I felt sick and hated it when he woke me up in the night as I knew it wouldn't be a case of just feeding and putting down again like when he was tiny, it was hours of trying to get him back in his cot as he would never sleep in our bed. It was awful. It didn't last long and he soon got back on track and sleeps beautifully now at 14 months but yes for those couple of months I felt exactly as you describe.

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