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Sleep

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Original poster

In with Baby till 6 month debate!!??

50 replies

RosiePierce · 21/10/2008 12:25

Anyone else tearing their hair out with this one?

My little girl is nearly 5 mnths, goes down like a dream from 7pm, has started to sleep through apart from wanting a mini feed at about 2am, has about 4 fl oz of formula, then sleeps till 6:30am ish... all sounds good so far!! However, she seems to be an active sleeper who fidgets a lot, gabbles and laughs in her sleep.

What I'm basically getting at is that both my Husband and I are light sleepers and we're exhausted! We've now resorted to sleeping in different rooms and taking it in turns to do the night shift so we're at least getting a bit of shut eye. I have long felt ready to move back into our own room but HV says we have to stay in with her till she's at least 6 months old to protect against SIDS! Now I do buy into this to a certain extent if your baby was prem, born with breathing difficulties, lives in smoking household, hasn't been breast fed, parents haven't taken action against over heating, hasn't been put on her back to sleep, covers going over babies face, or little one has shown signs of illness etc...

I'm sure your parents like mine put us down in our cots from wks old not having all the info like we do today, no monitors, and we're fine! Part of me thinks no one knows what happens with SIDS ie do these poor little ones cry out for help, or make noises of distress, or mearly pass away without making a sound to alert their sleeping parents in the same room.. who knows!!??

Currently I'm on another set of antibiotics to fight off a water infection, and have had several other infections that I've needed treatment for, never been to the docs so much in my life! can't help but think me being sooooo run down is making me prone to picking up nasties and worry with winter coming that I'm going to pass this onto my little sweet pea, thus coursing more probs!? Plus as my husband and I are so shattered we're really starting to snap at each other which is really upsetting, and we have no family round us to relieve the pressure. I can't seem to sleep during the day and my husband has a very stressful job.

Have expressed this all to the HV, but all she seems to come out with "well if you're happy to put your daughter at risk for a bit of shut eye for 5 wks..."

Please give me your thoughts, own stories, help or advise, I'm grabbing at the last straw!!!!!!

Sorry for the long thread, it's more like a cloth of material.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Seona1973 · 21/10/2008 12:29

when we had dd and ds in our room I used earplugs to block out the low level sounds but was still able to hear if they cried. DH never really heard them anyway so he was ok.

PortAndDemon · 21/10/2008 12:30

If you're both exhausted, I'd put her in her own room and stop asking your HV's advice so much. And I say that as a cosleeping mother of a nearly 7-month old, so I don't have a bias towards getting children into their own rooms as soon as possible.

(The thing with SIDS isn't a suggestion that the babies make noises of distress, AFAIK, it's a suggestion that the noises of someone else sleeping in the same room subconsciously help a baby to regulate his/her own breathing, or something like that)

Original poster

RosiePierce · 21/10/2008 12:45

What even if we're way over the other side of the room, and wouldn't this only really be affective for babies born with breathing probs or prem babies?

She certainly seems to stir to my Husbands snoring!

Generally try to keep clear from HV's as I'm happy with the parenting skills and instincts, but they seem to force themselves on me when i go to get Bronwyn weighed!

OP posts:

PortAndDemon · 21/10/2008 12:50

You don't need to get her weighed, you know. Even my PFB DS didn't get weighed after he was 4 months, and DD hasn't been weighed at all since we were discharged by the community midwives.

TheProvincialLady · 21/10/2008 12:53

The SIDS advice is sound and you can't really argue with it. But you are the parents and you have to decide what is right for all of you. Personally I would try earplugs first.

witchandchips · 21/10/2008 12:57

I wouldn't put a 5 month old in a room on a separate floor from us; but in the room next door or opposite + both doors wide open yes I think so.

Original poster

RosiePierce · 21/10/2008 12:57

Only do as I exclusively stopped breast feeding bout 3 wks ago due to taking so many treatments of antibiotics and want to make sure I'm not giving too little or too much formula. Else prob wouldn't at all, didn't for a long time till then!

OP posts:

Original poster

RosiePierce · 21/10/2008 12:59

That's it, our bedroom is next door, plus our bed is up against to wall her cot is!

OP posts:

Bramshott · 21/10/2008 13:04

HV's (whatever they might think) are not there to TELL you what to do, but to give you advice. The SIDS advice is that the safest place for a baby to sleep is in your room until 6 months (note not "your baby must" but "the safest place is") so in a way it would be negligent for your HV to tell you to move your DD out. However, your DD is your baby and it's up to you. Many babies are in their own room before 6 months (some as soon as they come home from hospital). Why don't you do some more research online so you can weigh up the risks?

orinocowitch · 21/10/2008 13:05

i started putting DS in his cot at about 5.5mo because he wasn't sleeping that well in with me (co-sleeping) and he slept much better in his cot initially (room next door, both doors wide open, heard every whimper).

Didn't stop me worrying and for the first few nights I went in and listened to his breathing (very quiet sleeper), even poked him a couple of times, but he is now 10.5mo and sleeps well in his cot most of the time.

mazzystartled · 21/10/2008 13:06

I actually don't think there is a debate. The SIDS advice is sound.

Why don't you and your dh take turns to sleep in the spare room for a night or two per week.

Tbh, you are still going to have to get up to feed her at 2, much worse to traipse to another room, will prob be sleepless thru' anxiety about her, and be not much better off. Such is being a mother.

Ewe · 21/10/2008 13:09

For the sake of a month is it worth the risk?

For me, it wasn't, I would never have forgiven myself had I gone against guidelines and then something had happened tbh.

ohIdoliketobebesidethe · 21/10/2008 13:09

I think you've done a great job putting up with her noises for so long. I am much less patient with you. The longest any of my 3 lasted is 6 weeks. There isn't something magical that happens when they turn 6 months. They are the same baby as they were the night before. If I were you I would pat myself on the back for sacrificing so much sleep and call it a day.

The idea of sharing a room is as PortandDemon said to keep them from sleeping too deeply. When they sleep on their fronts as my parents generation were advised to do they also sleep more deeply. Sleeping deeply is a risk for SIDS but is also crucial for brain development. The American society of paediatricians have been debating changing the advice to suggest putting them to sleep on their fronts again to improve brain development. In the end they have decided to change some of the milestone dates to give babies who are not sleeping so well, longer to catch up.

Original poster

RosiePierce · 21/10/2008 13:12

Not saying the advice isn't sound, I'm following it to letter, Just having a debate about this point in my mind!

Swopping rooms with my husband every other night but is still shattering! Surely Bron needs two parents that are united , happy and ready for anything she throws at us?

OP posts:

ohdearwhatamess · 21/10/2008 13:12

I'd put her in her own room and not mention it to the hv. It is your business not hers. Her job is to make you aware of the risks and current advice not to tell you what to do.

I cannot sleep at all in the same room as babies. Ds1 went in his own room at 10 weeks, ds2 on day 2.

clayrethechildslayre · 21/10/2008 13:20

my dd went into her own room at 8 weeks, she was sleeping right thru the night and there was no SIDS advice 6 years ago, my ds went into dd's room (2 bedroom flat) at about 9 months only beacusei was scared dd would put toys in his cot, if we had the space he would have been in his own room a lot younger

cestlavie · 21/10/2008 13:27

Can someone actually explain this SIDS advice about sharing a room until 6 months old? I've spoken to various health professionals and no-one seems to know of either any research or any rationale as to why sharing a room until 6 months reduces the risk of SIDS other than a vague "oh the sound of you breathing kinda makes sure your baby carries on breathing as well" which doesn't exactly sound compelling. There is, on the other hand, plenty of well-documented research around other SIDS risks (e.g. smoking, not putting baby on back).

I'm not saying it's spurious but it sounds somewhat random. Why not 3 months or 4 months or a year? Is these something that happens around 6 months that means that not sharing a room becomes less of a risk?

DD went into her room at 3 months (and we all slept far better as a result) but some friends' attitudes was "gosh, she will surely die if she is moved before 6 months".

PortAndDemon · 21/10/2008 13:37

I think the relevant study (on room-sharing) is

Blair PS, Fleming PJ, Smith IJ, et al. Babies sleeping with parents: case-control study of factors influencing the risk of the sudden infant death syndrome. Br Med J. 1999;319:1457-1462.

but I haven't read it.

PortAndDemon · 21/10/2008 13:46

Full text here, though.

cestlavie · 21/10/2008 13:48

Interesting. I just looked through that study and apart from a single bullet point acknowledging this, there's nothing anywhere else in the report which makes reference to it (the study is virtually entirely concerned with the risks of babies sleeping in the same bed as their parents). In fact, and although I'm no statician, on the comparative risk charts it looks like the risk profile of child sharing a room/ not sharing a room is virtually identical at all ages groups.

Incidentally, the study only goes up to a maximum of 4 months old so it still wouldn't explain the 6 month time framce.

nickytwoooohtimes · 21/10/2008 13:49

Ds was in his own room from 2 mths. It was the only way we could get any peace.
Co-sleeping isn't recommended either, but for lots of my frineds it was the only way the baby would sleep.
Whatever yo udo, it won't be perfect.

Bramshott · 21/10/2008 13:52

I think the vast majority of cases of SIDS are in babies under 6 months. Over 6 months the chance of SIDS is reduced.

Divvy · 21/10/2008 13:59

"Cosleeping with an infant on a sofa was associated with a particularly high risk of sudden infant death syndrome"

Why is this?

I have heard of baby slipping off you, but then that is suffication, which is not sids?

If so then why does this direct contact with the baby, not regulate breathing?

orinocowitch · 21/10/2008 14:09

i don't think the "index" babies who were found "under the parent, at the bottom of the bed or on the floor" particularly count as SIDS either, really

Divvy · 21/10/2008 14:13

Surely they are tragic accidents then? Not sids.

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