Can someone please help me with my 14 month old?

[CharCharBaGOOOOOOORE]

Posted before in a massive frustrated rant but am calmer now. DD has never slept well but I saw an improvement when she turned one when she went down to 1 night waking. It's all gone to shit now though.

She dropped to one nap a few weeks ago. This was fine as she slept 2 hours in the day and sleeping well at night. But now she's only sleeping 1 hour in the morning and refusing to have another nap. This means she is overtired when she goes to bed and is up more than hourly very distressed until I go to bed. When she wakes she is so upset that only bfing can get her back to sleep.

She will only nap on my knee in the living room. Hates the pushchair, won't sleep in the sling and if I take her up to her room she just stays awake even if I am holding her. I think she might sleep better if she has naps in her cot but she just won't settle upstairs in the day.

She has no dummy or comforter as she never wanted them. She bfs then I cuddle her until she falls asleep for all sleeps. I don't like controlled crying and I don't think it would work on her as she becomes hysterical as soon as I put her in her cot if she's awake. She is teething but I'm using pain relief.

Can anyone advise me on what to do? I know she's like this because of me and it's my fault, but please be gentle with me because I've had it up to here today. Thanks.

not too much advise im afraid but if using calpol for teething found nurofen much better for the pain

could you bring the whole night time routine forward if getting over tired do dinner and bed that much earlier

cant comment on naps as ds gave them up at a yr only thing is pain relief and bonjela cool was great for the gums so soothing

put in cot an dsit with back to her or beside he but dont look she has the comfort of you being ther wwithout your attention feels like forever but it only usually takes 10 mins maybe more first time of crying but you'll be there

the thin g is at thsi age they kniow how long to cry for before you give in so you have to be tough otherwise its a habit that wont break

every day of sitting on the floor move a tiny but further away no eye contact only talking shhh sleep time and thats it

my sleep therapist was great and really did work but you have to stop giving in and holding firm it is worth it when after 5 mins you notice already asleep

good luck it is hard work

Noooooo, it's not your fault so don;t even allow that thought in your head.
Can't you delay her nap to around middle of day, say after lunch? so she's less tired before bed?

Have tried Calpol and Nurofen, have found nurofen better too. Am using Anbesol liquid as well to numb the gums which seems to be helping. If you're sitting next to them, what do you do if they stand up? Because she won't get back down by herself. Also don't think she would give up after 10 mins but she is a stubborn little bugger. If she would just nap in the afternoon she would only wake once around 1 and I could deal with that. Am going to try and take her in pushchair tomorrow even though she hates it, in the hopes that she'll settle eventually. Thanks

It is though, I didn't even try and get her to settle away from me. She wouldn't when she was tiny and I never tried again as I was too lazy. Now she can't even settle on me and I've got no other options. Have tried nap earlier and later which makes no difference. She needs 2 hours a day to sleep well at night but she will only have 1 hour. She's been asleep for half an hour now and I know she'll be up again by 8. I really needed a break this evening.

she's up not even an hour's sleep. am feeding her then going to take her out in the pram for a bit. is that even an ok thing to do with a child her age. won't even feed just crying.

Well we're back was a disaster, another crap decision by moi. She screamed hysterically until we got back. Don't know what to do with this child I love her so much but I just can't cope atm.

Do you have one of those mechanical swings you could put her in - I didn't use one but heard they are brilliant in sending very tired children off to sleep..

Do you play music at bedtime - a lullaby CD played quietly is great for soothing them..

Just making some suggestions really to help you out - I'm sure it's just a phase..

do you think she is waking out of habit or pain? when my ds has his worst nights i just sit or lay beside him watching until the first twitch then do sush patting to get him through the sleep phase. i have at times needed to pat with two hands and loads of shushing but i can mostly get it to work unless his teeth are breaking thru the gums. i also found th occasional shush pat while he is sound asleep also works. how about getting her to cuddle your shirt to sleep as well?

Thanks MM. Haven't got a swing but wish I had bought one a long time ago. Am trying some lullaby music now whilst feeding her. Thankyou

It's partly pain and partly overtiredness I think. If she doesn't sleep well in the day she doesn't sleep at night either. Don't think it's habit as when she sleeps well in the day she only wakes up once at night. I tried shushing and rubbing her back before and it was working but then she started screaming. I've never met such a stroppy baby!

CharChar you have my DS's clone there!

He's the same, long phases of hellish restlessness, refusing to sleep, too-short naps, wakeful nights. In between times he's really hard to please, needs constant entertaining, and gets kind of wired with the tiredness.

No advice but solidarity, I know how crap it is (he's 15 months). We'll survive - and stop doing yourself down, you're doing a grand job just holding it together!

it must be pain. have you tried putting teething gel on about 20mins before the estimated wake up time? you need to be gentle with this otherwise it wakes them up. otherwise i would have to suggest a few sessions with the cranial osteopath.

I'd say if you are really desperate give some medised - the suggested dose on the bottle for the age. It has a mild sedative in it and paracetamol so be careful you don't give it with calpol or nurafen at the same time.

Thanks Davina, hard isn't it? Got her on my lap feeding so hopefully she'll drift off in a minute. moocowme I've tried bloody everything to solve this teething problem but it's her canines and I think it's just too painful for me to fix. Would love her to have cranial osteopathy but it's not in our budget atm. May save up for it if she doesn't improve though as I think it would help her. Thankyou

Was thinking of medised. It's for over 2s now though isn't it? Moot point really as I haven't got any, but may keep it in mind for next time. Hoping she will nap better tomorrow though.

buy it when your on your own or if with dd say its for her older brother then she can have some works a treat

i used to do quiet time with ds before bed lay on my bed lights low singing doing baby massage and just relaxing him and tiring him then i would feed and when eyes closing pop him in cot always best to do it when half asleep than asleep fully as they expect to wake where they dozed off

really hope you find some solution soon

Thanks everybody. She's gone to sleep now and I've taken her up to bed. Hopefully she'll settle for a few hours now. Am going to make sure she has plenty of sleep in the day tomorrow.

Oh the teething is awful, isn't it? At least with the canines you're near the end of it all. DS 20 mth is battling all 8 molars plus the bottom two incisors and has been at it for 3 months already. Some nights he wakes half hourly and wants a boob in the mouth all night long which drives me mental as I find that comfort sucking very annoying. Fortunately on the nights they don't hurt he's sleeping better ("only" 2 awakenings twice this week - first since 5.5 mth!) so I know it'll sort itself when the teeth are all out. Hang in there and don't be shy with the pain killers.

Firstly Charchar, your dd is not like this because of you! My ds uis the same. He's also 14 mopnths and a handful! Thankfully night times have always been manageable, we have been lucky but nap times were always hellish. I understand about the only napping on your lap in the living room too! He never wanted his cot in the day and I could never bring my self to force it. He cried so much in the day anyway that I couldn't bare to cause anymore crying.

If it is teething then anbesol liquid is really good and sometimes Ashton and parsons powders calm them a bit.

It sounds like she's a really wired and alert little girl which can be very hard to cope with. It's nothing you've done wrong. My ds is exactly the same and always has been, always fought day sleeps, used to scream, arch his back whilst he sweated and writhed about in my arms as I tried to rock him with the extracter fan on for white noise. This went on til he was 9 months when I finally got him to sleep on my lap facing outwards looking out the window in the living room.

I think babies like this tend to wind up when they are tired rather than winding down which is a nightmare to deal with. It will get better xxxxxx

Also my ds would never take a dummy either but he is rather attached to an old t-shirt of mine which he uses as a comfort blanket. It takes a while to get attached to it so it won't work over night but I['m sure it's not too late to try introducing something like this for her.

Thanks mamj. Think everything got on top of me last night but I feel a bit better today. She is exactly the same as your ds but will bf to sleep most of the time. When she doesn't, though, there's nothing else I can do as she won't respond to it. She does seem to wind up when tired, I long for one of those children that just drop when they're tired!

Last night when I went to bed she was coughing her lungs up so I'm wondering if maybe she's a bit ill. She's fine in the day though. It was that bad I had to get her up and sit her on my lap because she just couldn't stop. Am using Anbesol liquid as the Ashton and Parson's stopped working. The teeth are pressing really hard on her gums now though so I'm hoping they'll be through soon. I was thinking of trying to get her attached to something, I've tried a few times but she wasn't interested. Might try one of my tops though there's a few she likes.

Thankyou, it's nice to know I'm not alone

If you do want to get her attached to something I just left it in the cot after he had been fed to sleep so if he stired he smelt that I was near by. It took about 8 weeks of me feeding him with the t-shirt next to him and leting him be rocked to sleep holding the t-shirt before he became attached to it. He has to associate it with you and being comforted which take a while to establish. It's great now cos when he's ready for a nap he grabs the t-shirt (which is now cut in halves incase God forbid we lose one!) and clambers up for a cuddle. Sometimes I still have to pin him to me though but no more rocking and screaming (from him or me!)

My ds is always a total pig when teething too so I do sympathise!

I think I'll try that mamj. I really want her to get a good sleep for her, I don't mind getting terrible sleep but she looks so tired all the time and I want her to feel well rested. Now to pick a t shirt It's her canines and they're just killing her. Hopefully be through soon though. Thanks.