Is it me?

[katyamum]

I have 3 children (6,4 & 2). My 6 yr old daughter has always been brilliant sleeper. Odd bad patch but basically good. My 4 yr old (nearly 5) did not sleep all his life, but finally in July it came together. We spent hundreds of punds on sleep therapy but I think it all came down to just his personality. My 2 yr old son was a good sleeper for first 2 yrs, but since June suffered illness and now sleep gone right up the spout. Seems so unfair after only just got other son to start sleeping, now the littlest is not sleeping. I have really run out of wisdom. I am generally too soft. I can't bear it if they cry. I try to resist taking them to our bed. I often fall asleep on his bedroom floor whilst sitting with him in the middle of the night to help him back to sleep. I have done gradual retreat, I have done a very gentle form of controlled crying when he was smaller and in cot but he now in bed and that is not really option, he shares a room with his brother, he settles well at bedtime, but I am at my wits' end. My husband thinks we need to show him some tough love and be firm and let him scream himself sick until he finally caves in. I just can't do it. I find it brutal, and pointless. I feel like he is still a baby. I just want to be gentle and stroke him and let him know we are here. Why is it that the people who just leave their kids to scream always get the good night's sleep? Do I really have to do that? I just hate not getting any sleep. It's like musical beds. My 4 yr old ends up in our room sometimes just to stop being awoken by the 2 yr old. In meantime, my 6 yr old gets fantastic night's sleep in the little room at the end of our corridor. I feel like I should know the answer after all the years' experience I have, but does anyone have any wisdom. I'm SO tired.

Hate to say it but probably is you, as in your chosen methods.

If you always stay and 're-assure' back to sleep it won't solve the problem.

I think if it is bothering you this much then you do need to deal with it.

I would temporarily but 6 yr old and 5 yr old in together while you sort 2 yr old out.

When the youngest wakes up for a couple of nights go in and say ' do you want the potty, do you want some water' etc if neither of those required then say ok, back to bed then - Goodnight and leave.

You will probably have at least a few nights of ballistic screaming but once he realises no response will stop doing it.

Really? I have thought about putting 6 & 5 yr old together temporarily. I go through phases - I'm not always so indulgent. I do often just say 'wee-wee' and he does a quick wee and take him back to bed and walk out. But recently those methods have not worked at all. He just cried and follows me back to the room. At the point where I am so tired and exasperrated that I don't want the fight anymore, then I give in and sit in the room. How do I stop him getting out of bed over and over and over again? My hisband away all week and I was thinking maybe I could crack it this week. Maybe you are right. Thanks for being honest.

No it's not you, you know, unless you're going in there and waking your child up, which of course you're not. Your 2yo wants to be asleep, but for whatever reason needs a little help. He's only little and can't articulate what's wrong.

Letting your 2yo cry is not a solution because it sends the wrong message to all your kids. Seriously, how do you explain to your 6yo why you're ignoring her brother while he's so upset?

I would be far more inclined to tell him teddy gets lonely when he leaves/teddy needs cuddles to fall asleep/etc. I would also go for a small bed on the floor in your room instead of crying. You can always move the bed out the room when the sleeping problems have eased.

Hello again. Thanks for alternative advice. We had small mattress in our room for about 6 months with the 5 yr old. It helped him a lot and we all got a lot more sleep then. I know my daughter already thinks I am cruel if I so much as try to be firm with the 2 yr old, so I would of course have to explain it all to her and her brother. Have spent htis evening discussing it all with dh. He agrees that it's coming very much from him (2 yr old) and not so much our weaknesses. But we know we have made mistakes in the past which we regret like doing controlled crying on our middle child which totally back-fired for us. So we need to really work out what's best for the 2 yr old to help hm back to sleep. He has 2 bunnies. I will apply the lonely teddy theory tonight.