Ok, as much as I hate the phrase "rod for your own back" seems I may have made one,

[OracleInaCoracle]

ds is 3.5 and goes to sleep on my lap every night, i dont really mind because i love that time with him. however i am aware that he should be going to sleep by himself now. if i put him to bed awake he doesnt go to sleep until late, but if i let himgo to sleep on me he's in bed by 7.30. what do i do?

If you really don't mind, then don't do anything.

If he likes and you like it, then i can't see where the problem is

i suppose the problem is that he is getting heavier and im frequently told that he should begoing to sleep in his own bed by now, even by dh.

Well, if it is a problem, why don't you start by getting him to fall asleep on your lap whilst you sit on his bed?

You can then gradually withdraw so that you allow him to fall asleep on his bed whilst you sit at the side.

Maybe then keep moving your chair so that you're further and further away from his bed, but that you're still there to reassure him.

It will take a lot of time i would imagine, as 3.5 yrs worth is a lot of ingrained habit, but it will work.

Good luck

thank you!

Agree with Regina - it may take a long time, but should work if you're patient. Think of it as a gentle weaning process.

I am doing the gradual withdrawl thing with ds also 3.5, i have got as far as sitting next to the bed and we are currently working on letting go of his hand! It has taken ages.... but considering he has slept with me all his life and all he wants is a cuddle I am pretty proud of how far we have got! you do need to be patient though.. I did not (still dont) have a problem with him being in with me, my problem was that if he woke up and i was not there he would panic and scream the house down.... I need him to learn to put himself to sleep when he goes to bed so that he can then accept putting himself back to sleep when he wakes up in the night... iyswim?!
Well that is the theory anyway
Good luck.

he is very good once he's asleep. doesnt wake except to go to the loo

Dont think I would worry to much then tbh!
Maybe not ideal,in some peoples eyes,but if it works for you then stick with it. If ds slept all night through I would'nt give a hoot how he got to sleep I would be genuinly (?) delighted to get a full nights sleep. Actually am very jeleous of you.
(opps spelling gone to pot!)

thank you!

Yeah, stuff the 'should'-ers. I'm sure he won't still want to go to sleep on your lap once he's 13!

If he does get too heavy, could you explain it to him and negotiate a compromise (like lying down next to him, or holding his hand or whatever).

But if it's not a problem for either of you (and in fact it sounds like it's lovely for both of you) don't try and change it!

I'm quite envious - I love it when DS(2) falls asleep in my lap, but most of the time he only goes to sleep if I leave him alone.

DS did this. He grew out of it. s'not a problem.