Really need help - DS waking so much in night. What to do??

[oysterpots]

I went back to work about a month ago and the past three weeks DS has been pretty hellish, waking in the night a lot. (He's 13mo, I'm back at work 3 days, and he's at nursery 1 day and with family the other 2 days.)

Last week he was waking once a night, babbling and quite awake. Think he'd have started the day at 3am if it were up to him. He went back to sleep after 60-90mins of this, eventually grumbling and maybe crying when he realised we weren't getting up. After advice on mumsnet we dropped his morning nap, figuring that he was gettting too much sleep.

So now he's waking up crying and waking more often - it was 5 times last night. He's easier to settle though, will often just go back with a dummy although we brought him in with us at 5.20am this morning when he wouldn't settle.

Is it a phase? Is there anything we can do? I suspect it's all bound up in me going back to work, him not being that happy at nursery yet, bit of belated separation anxiety. Please tell me it gets easier I'm so tired...

It probably is to do with you going back to work, as well. DS went through an unsettled phase when I went back, even though he'd been in nursery for three mornings a week for ages already. It's quite a change for them to adjust to, your mental focus changes, you're more tired, etc etc

I'd be tempted to ride with it and bring him into bed with you if that's what you need to do to get some sleep. He might need reassurance and closeness with you to feel secure. And it does stop, don't worry! give it a couple of weeks and I'm sure it will settle down.

And maybe try reinstating the nap to see if that helps.

13m is very young to drop a daytime nap altogether. Even now at 23m my DS sleeps worse at night if he has missed his daytime sleep. I agree it is probably to do with needing more reassurance now you are at work and also his age - my DS was often up for 2 hours a night We stopped it by not interacting with him at all in the night except to comfort him if he was crying - if he was laughing etc we just ignored him. Also we stuck to very strict nap, bedtime, eating, wake up in the morning times - it took a week or so bit worked for us.

Thanks for the advice all. Should've said - he used to sleep an hour in the morning around 9 and then 2 hours after lunch. He still has the lunchtime nap, so sleeps around an hour and a half every day.

DDibbley, I went to bed at 8.30 last night as I was so shattered and am considering doing the same tonight! Sometimes it is the only way, isn't it? What did you do when your DD was awake?

What sort of comfort, ProvincialLady? My instincts tell me to do the same as you - very strict and give it a couple of weeks.

I suppose I'm just very scared of reinforcing a waking habit...

Go with your instincts, oysterpots. you know your child best.

personally I think we all have the fear of breeding some terrible monster child who doesn't sleep at all put into us from early on, which means sometimes these things get a bit out of proportion.

My approach has always been to go with what works, especially at that age, when they're too small to be playing you up.

good luck!

Oysterpots we co sleep, so for us being strict actually just meant not responding to his efforts to talk to us/get us to play etc and just lie there ignoring him. Which isn't that strict at all really! When it was very bad one of us would put him in the sling and then sit reading with a very low light so that he was bored senseless and would yell for a bit before giving in and wanting to go back to bed. Not for everyone but it worked for us and it didn't take long. I think it was more the being strict with ourselves about not letting him or us lie in if he had had a bad night and getting him to bed on time etc that did the trick - it sort of set his body clock.