Nearly 4 year old changed attitude to sleep

[MandyD]

My DS is 4 in March. Up till now he's been great at going to bed and getting off to sleep. Usual routine is bath every other day at 6.30, watch Emmerdale at 7, then some of Corrie or Eastenders. Sometimes he has an hour of video at 7pm instead. While watching he drinks his milk, then around 8pm toilet, clean teeth and into bed. I tell him a story, he has his relaxing music playing and I leave the room and he settles himself to sleep.

But during the past week he has become more and more hysterical about the thought of being left alone to go to sleep, hysteria which starts at the point of getting his pyjamas on. He has got a cough and cold at the moment, but no worse than he's had before.

He says the people in the upstairs flat are disturbing him, even if they are not in! Leaving a lamp over the other side of his room helped for the first couple of nights, but last night he was even worse than usual, wanting the light on over the bed, then the main light, then he wanted to sleep in his buggy...aaargh!! This can go on until 10pm.

Tonight was a little better, he watched a video on his own in the bedroom for an hour and a half, and I got him into his pyjamas almost without him noticing. It was a little later than usual, perhaps 8.15 and we still had the "Don't leave me on my own, please don't leave me..." but he must have been really tired because he fell asleep before the end of the story.

Does anyone have any idea as to why this behaviour has started at this age? And any ideas apart from keeping him up till he's exhausted, a fine line between that and overtired it seems!

Oh dear, this sounds upsetting and very inconvenient. What time does he get up/wake up? Maybe he really isn't tired at 8pm? Is he doing something new eg nursery/school? Has he seen a scary film or read a scary story? Have you tried asking him about the bed thing but in the morning when he's not frantic? If he has a TV in his bedroom could he have seen something that worried him? I must say, the soaps have some very distressing storylines and I'd be unsure about letting a four-year-old watch them, personally. I would have thought a child might understand more at that age. Just a thought.

Hi Aloha, he will normally sleep for 11-12 hours straight ie. 8pm - 8am but if he goes to sleep later he doesn't normally get up any later than 9am. He can watch his own videos in his room but if he's watching soaps he does that with us so we can talk about them. He's incredibly bright for his age so if he sees anything disturbing he will either discuss it or quickly switch channels. Plus I read all the spoiler sites so I know if something disturbing will be coming up that day and put on something else.

So he's never said he's afraid of or been frightened by anything specific, except perhaps noises from the upstairs flat, but he always says its the guy who lived there previously, and he knows full well where he moved to because we pass by there every day! But I can see what you're getting at in that children are more understanding at that age, I suppose that means they have more to imagine and worry about...

Ah, then I strongly suggest that if you want him to go to bed earlier then you consistently wake him earlier. Get him up by 8am at the latest if you want him to go to bed at 8pm. If he needs 11hours, then you will need to wake him at 7am to get him to sleep at 8pm. Sleep cycles can start to shift later quite easily, so he wakes at 9am, then isn't tired until 9pm - then maybe wakes a little later and so gets tired later... etc etc. If he's really not tired I expect he will brood and worry particularly if he's the imaginative sort and he seems just the age for imagining things. I also think - though I could easily be wrong, obviously! - that he might be getting to an age when the very adult themes, shouting and aggression in the soaps could start to bother him, maybe even subconsciously. Maybe video them to watch after he's gone to bed at 8pm, and have a story instead? Worth a try perhaps.

Well, tonight a friend came round just as I was arguing with DS to get his pyjamas on (7.20). So there was no chance of getting him to bed early, and by the time 8.00 came he was determined to watch Holby City. I knew if I tried to get him into bed then he would go hysterical and/or keep getting up. I decided to let him watch for a short time while I put some dinner on. By 8.10 he was fast asleep on the settee. I will put him to bed once I've eaten. I hope I've not set a precedent! Any more ideas for getting him back on track would be gratefully received.

I hope it's just a phase, I seem to remember going through the same thing around 4 years old. As far as I remember my parents cured it by warning me that if I got up after I'd been put to bed on a certain night that I'd miss the first day of a holiday play scheme. I did get up, I missed the first day, and where all the other children had got one piece of a picture puzzle each day to complete, mine was the only one at the end of that week with a piece missing. I remember the shame of it to this day. Now, if only I could think of an incentive like that!