Ok, so it feels like EVERYONE in rl is telling me that I should leave ds to cry, it will be horrible, but I'll get over it and he'll sleep much better. Can I have some reassurance that I'm not 'spoiling' him by feeding at night when he wakes, always ...

[nolongerchunkybutstillapudding]

Whew, long post title, sorry!

This is doing my head in a bit. Ds is 7.5mo and not a brill sleeper, I am naturally not a cc or cio mummy but am getting advice from everyone that I should try it. They all mean well, I'm knackered and they are saying what worked for them but I think if it feels really uncomfortable to me surely its not right for us?

I have let him cry for about 10 mins a couple of times, it was horrible, he got really distressed and I felt like a witch.

I know that cio and cc have been brilliant for some (believe me I've been told it enough) but would like to hear stories/reassurance from super-soft headed mums like myself who have found that things really do settle down without having to follow that route?

and how do you deal with helpful 'advice' when you are starting to really doubt yourself and these people have all been there and sorted it?

ta lovelies for any wise words

xx

He's very little so I wouldn't leave him to shout. I'd give him a feed. I was still giving my DS the odd nighttime feed at 18 months. When they have a growth spurt, they need it.

Maybe he is just thirsty. I wouldn't want to stay thirsty all night long so I don't expect my son to. He's now almost two and gets a cup of water rather than milk if he wakes...

nolongerchunky...

Well yes, 4 months is too young but DS2 was a big chap and on 3 meals by this point. He was possibly nearer 7-8 months, memory fails me!

The pu/pd worked for us so was fine.

Just seen your other question - DD was about 11 months when she just woke up once or maybe twice a night and this went on until she was about 2 - she rarely slept through. As I said, she still wakes up but because she is in a bed she comes to our bed for a quick cuddle and goes back to her own bed when she realises she will get more space that way.

PU/PD used to enrage her too.

heymamag... hope i didn't sound like i was criticising you, didn't mean that! only meant that my hv is a pain in the arse and thinks that babies perform to order... mine certainly doesn't he has his own ideas it seems!

Been there, done that, got the eye bags to prove it. [haggard]

DS has just turned 2 and has only just started reliably sleeping thro most nights. I also couldn't deal with leaving him to cry as he would get absolutely hysterical (and I didn't feel too great either!). We nudged him off night bf around 15 months, DH went in with water, but he still had the odd feed in the night up to about 18 months. After the first year where I worrited myself about bad habits, I gave in and co-slept after the first waking of the night - much more sleep all round!

My mum keeps telling me what a secure and confident child DS is now, and that a lot of that is down to me & DH - now I think that it also helps that DS's personality since the day was born has been fairly laid back (apart from the sleep thing), but it is nice to be told these things from time to time!

I'm pg with no2 and will prob do things much the same, if anything embracing co-sleeping much earlier on...

nolongerchunky - you're not a nutter, you're doing a great job . Hope you get some more sleep soon.

Not at all! I saw no criticism. I just wanted to reiterate it worked for us and he probably didn't need milk still.

My DD1 was a brilliant sleeper DD2 was still up 5-6 times in the night for a feed at 12 months when I decided enough was enough. What we did was never to leave her crying when she woke up DP went to her sat with her patted her sshhed her until she went back to sleep, first night there was 50 mins of crying second night 10 mins that was it. Once she realised no boob she stopped waking up or woke up and self settled. She's 2 now and still wakes up some nights but all she needs is a quick cuddle and back she goes. Think about it from a babies point of view you wake up in a dark room and start crying for mum or dad but no one comes. Sometimes they just need a bit of reassurance that you are still there.

I agree with whoever said do what you feel is right and sod everyone else.

ajm200, thats what i think! i drink LOADS of water in the night, am always thirsty...

twofalls thanks for the lovely posts. glad i'm not the only one whose baby will not be 'whispered'!!

thanks again everyone. am still interested in any further reports on how old your dc's were when sleep became manageable (ie not necessarily right thru the night but only 1 or 2 wakings? please give me some hope!) having said that ds has gone thru (ish) with only 2 or 3 wakings before. And geeeeeee that's nice! its just this 4 or 5 or whatever it has been lately thats doing me in.

think i will start lying tho as advised. anyone got any good excuses for looking utterly haggard then? bit of a giveaway!!

Just to add another voice ...

With ds, I eventually 'gave in' to the pressure to leave him to cry. Not only did I hate it, but it didn't work...it was quicker and easier to settle him 'our' way - which was patting & soothing (& yes, I did give it a long enough time, imo, and we were very controlled about it) he got better, slowly =, for no obvious reason.

With dd, i went with the flow - co-slept, night fed for much longer (with some occasional night time grumpyness & refusals from me ). She got better slowly, for no obvious reason.

Both children started sleeping thought at almost the same age (18mths) - but with dd, i was much more rested and didn't care. In fact, i love it when she wakes up & comes in for cuddles in the night.

Letting ds cry is one of my (actually very few) parenting regrets, as i know I did something that was against my gut instinct.

nolongerchunky - I can't remember exactly, but think for us it was:

9 months - terrible (separation anxiety kicked in)
12 months - getting better
15 months - bloody horrible and seemed to get worse, co-incided with starting to walk
18 months - a lot better, often sleeping until 4 or 5am, feed then back to sleep
2 yrs - mostly sleeping thro

For us it wasn't just a linear thing - i.e. waking less and less until sleeping thro. More getting better, then a wobble, then better again etc. HTH

My DS1 wasn't a brilliant sleeper either. I half heartedly try CC when he was coming up for 6mths because the HV said he should be able to go to sleep by himself (I was feeding him to sleep so he never got the chance to just drop off). The effects worked for about 2 weeks and I swore never again.

He also used to wake 4 or 5 times a night but at the age of 10 mths, almost without warning, he slept through for the first time. It was like magic.

After that, up until about 2 he woke some nights and slept through others until he slept reliably every night after the age of 2.

Anyway, the point of my post is that no, you aren't a nutter, CC ime may work for a while but it is not necessarily a permanent fix and also you might get lucky and find your DS suddenly starts sleeping through all by himself without warning. OK it would be great to know when that would be but it really could just happen so just hang in there.

I think in the end I just nodded non-commitally at the HV if she asked about the sleeping. I just said something vague like 'he's getting better thanks'. She looked sceptical but was wise enough not to keep pushing.

Good luck.

I think once they start walking or crawling things improve a lot as they're burning off lots of energy. So it could be only a month or two away!

ta lucicle, that would give me hope but he's been crawling for nearly a month! and is constantly pulling himself to standing, is a very busy little person. quite chatty too!

he is def burning A LOT of energy. think thats why he's so darned hungry.

Oh dear, sorry!

Maybe hold out for walking, then?!

yeah maybe that'll do it! he seems to be quite a little mover, i know i'd be knackered if i was him! get tired just watching (and trying to stop him hurting himself!!)

DS was a great sleeper - was sleeping through from about 3 months.

DD was not a good sleeper. Have no idea how often she woke up when she was 7.5 months but it was lots of times.

I didn't want to do CC and so didn't. She gradually improved, and once I had stopped breastfeeding, DH could take his turns (although that stopped working when DD could talk and insist on having Muuuuuummmmmmmmmmy)

The only thing I did just before she was 2 (when she was downing at least one bottle of milk during the night) was to get special Big Girl beakers, which weren't so comforting and the "needing" milk through the night stopped very quickly. She still woke sometimes, but it wasn't as much or as often. And she often ended up in our bed.

I'm not sure when she started sleeping through more often than not, but she is 3 next month and it has been for a good few months.

Hope you start getting more sleep soon.

Re: when did it get manageable? I'm afraid not very easy to say it was a lot of up and down depending on teething, illnesses, holidays and every other excuse i could find.

8/9 mo I know was very bad with constant colds, teething, Christmas away, me going back to work.

11/12 mo I think we were down to 1/2 wakings and feeling human again

13/14 mo very bad again up for hrs at a time, feeding, rocking not really working -then out pop two premolars

If people commented on me looking tired I might say it was a bad night due to teething, cold, vaccination or whatever sort of accidentally implying that they weren't all bad.

I have been suffering with EXACTLY the same thing.... my DD is 6.5 months and had a dreadful night time routine until last week when I finally feel like I am making progress.

The changes I have made is by applying the Baby whisperer routine to her day as follows:

(its called EASY. The E=Eat the A=Activity and the S=Sleep, not sure on the Y think it means You .....)

7am - E
7.30 - A
9.30 - Quiet time
10am - S
11.30 - E
12pm - A
2pm - Quiet time
2.30 - S
4pm - E
4.30 - A
6.30 - E
7pm - S
10.30pm - Dream Feed

She now seems to be waking at about 4.30am for a feed then back to sleep until about 6 / 6.15.

It's not perfect yet but has made such a difference.

I perservere with making her sleep during the day and if she wakes early I make her go back to sleep even if it means feeding her again to do it as at the moment it's all about trying to get her sleeping better at nights....

Hope this helps.

It took our DD until 5 months to sleep 6-6.

I couldnt leave her to cry and I used to just feed her (was breast feeding at that time). It was just the quickest solution.

Once I weaned her I realised (was told) that she could not be hungry. She woke twice a night crying, 2am and 5am ish for a while. I couldnt leave her as it was full of screaming.

2am I used to go in and cuddle her but keep the lights off and never speak nor take her out of the room.

5am I gave her a dummy (!) she only has one at 5am and to get her to have her lunch time nap.