Ok, so it feels like EVERYONE in rl is telling me that I should leave ds to cry, it will be horrible, but I'll get over it and he'll sleep much better. Can I have some reassurance that I'm not 'spoiling' him by feeding at night when he wakes, always ...

[nolongerchunkybutstillapudding]

Whew, long post title, sorry!

This is doing my head in a bit. Ds is 7.5mo and not a brill sleeper, I am naturally not a cc or cio mummy but am getting advice from everyone that I should try it. They all mean well, I'm knackered and they are saying what worked for them but I think if it feels really uncomfortable to me surely its not right for us?

I have let him cry for about 10 mins a couple of times, it was horrible, he got really distressed and I felt like a witch.

I know that cio and cc have been brilliant for some (believe me I've been told it enough) but would like to hear stories/reassurance from super-soft headed mums like myself who have found that things really do settle down without having to follow that route?

and how do you deal with helpful 'advice' when you are starting to really doubt yourself and these people have all been there and sorted it?

ta lovelies for any wise words

xx

We di cc wiht ds and it worked fine - it was more like controlled whinging!
I have friends whosekids cry so much they are almost sick - it is not going to work for them.
If cc isn't suitint you as a family, then do what you think is right.

7.5mths is still so little. If he is really distressed then go in and feed. There simply are some babies who digest their food a lot quicker and need it more often.

My DS is now 21mths. He poos about 5 times a day and even though he eats well he is skinny like my DH. He goes to bed at 7pm, still has a dream feed bottle at 10pm and is up at 7am - if he doesn't get this bottle he wakes at 5am hungry.

My DD is 4mths. She is a little porker (cute with it!!!) and seems to just keep the milk in and not digest it so quickly. I know now that she will sleep through quicker than DS did because her metabolism is so different.

That is why you shouldn't listen to anyone else, or any books. If you DS is hungry then feed him.

However when you do this, settle him back into his own bed. We were always strict with this. Don't be tempted to bring him in with you (unless of course you want to co-sleep).

PS the point here is that you want your DS to be happy and confident. You can do this by going in and talking/patting etc. If they are not hungry then there is no need to pick up. Just go in and say you are there.

Surely controlled crying shouldn't be done until they are older and obviously know what they are doing more....?

nolongerchunky - what exactly do you mean by "not a brill sleeper?"

If it's waking 3 or 4 times a night I can understand your concern. If its waking once or sometimes twice I think thats pretty normal at 7.5 mo.

I was still breast feeding my youngest at past 6 months and it took a HV to tell me he no longer needed night milk to wean him off. We tried the pick up/put down to also get him off the dummy and it worked brilliantly in 4 days for us. HTH.

I have often told people to give it a try, tbh, when they've asked what works - crying it out, that is. But I think the key thing you're saying is you don't want to do it/couldn't bear the thought of it. And if you feel like that, it really is not worth putting yourself through the trauma!

People like to give advice, especially when it's not what you're actually doing. Ignore everyone.

I was always being told to leave her to cry, and eventually dh and I were pressured into agreeing to give it a go. DD is stubborn. For 3 night she would scream until she was sick - literally - and of course we had to go in and clean it up etc. After the third time I decided what we were teaching her was "throw up and they come" which wasn't at all what I wanted. TBH she's 9 and a crap sleeper - I think she's just like that.

wasabipeanut... once or twice would be lovely.

last night it was umm 4 i think or maybe 5. sometimes he does 3 which i can handle.

although i would like it to be better (i do like sleep!) i am NOT considering cc or cio, just looking for support that i am not a nutter in choosing to do this!

those whose dc's didn't sleep thru til after 12mo - when did u get down to manageable wakings? (ie a couple????)

thanks again for all the replies. swear I'd be lost without mn

xxxxx

i'mnotmamag...

my hv tried to tell me that when he was 4mo! as well as pressuring me to start solids etc...

so i stopped listening to her really

also pu/pd confuses and enrages the little bugger, and shushing and patting he thinks is a game

Respect - 4 or 5 is quite a lot. Provided you are happy, I'd stick to the never apologise and never explain school of motherhood.

And maybe try co sleeping?

Both DD and DS tend to cry for about 5 minutes before they go to sleep. It's a wind down sort of thing.

Some babies take longer than this, but you learn to differentiate the 'I'm in trouble cry' to 'am going to sleep cry...'

And when you get it wrong, you just go and pick them up!

Have you tried giving water in the ngiht instead of a feed?
I know a lot of peopel that have done this whilst BFing and baby started to sleep better once it realsied that it didn't get milk.

I've just put DS2 (20weeks) inot his own room as I was getting fed up with waking at every niggle and now only hear him if he actually cries so that is easier, means I don't have to ignore a little bit of whinging, but hear him if he needs me. Last n ight (the 1st night) he slept from 9pm right through til 3am, and then woke up again at about 5:15, think maybe DP&I were waking him up moving around in bed?

DS2 (13mo) has only just started sleeping during the night and will still usually wake up at around 4am for a feed (I just pop him into bed with us at that point). He has managed to sleep through 3 times EVER and one of those times was this week (hoorah for improvement)

I have felt near death with sleep deprivation and frustration over the past year but could never do CC. Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? I found that has helped a little with his daytime naps too.

"I could never really get on with leaving my son to cry. He'd cry so violently and for so long that it was just too distressing for everyone. He didn't sleep through the night completely (7pm-7am-ish) until he was 2.5 yrs old, but when he did, it was nothing I did or didn't do. He just did it.

Sorry, i know that's no help, is it? "

MrsM I have a 16mo and that post has just made me cry with relief. DS is still waking 3 or 4 times a night (end up co sleeping after the first or second wake, so it's all a blur). The thought that he will just do it, without having to do CC is just what I want to hear!

If you're not happy don't do it. Advice is just that, you have a choice if you take it or not.

As for 'helpful' advice, don't give them reason to give it to you. When they ask about sleep say you're fine and move on.

co-sleep defo. My DD fed three times a night until 9.5 months. I'd have gone insane if I had to get up.

I have to agree - they will sleep through when they are ready to and not before. We haven't done anything to change the routine for DS2 lately but suddenly he seems much more settled in his cot. Hang on in there!

Have only read OP. If you don't want your baby to cry, don't let him cry. I don't let mine cry (unless they are both crying at once and I haven't got 2 pairs of hands!). Ignore people who say you should let him cry, unless you actually want to do it.

I used to post about this a lot (different name back then), but DS was the WORST sleeper. At

I gave water at night and it did help, but I didn't do it until my daughter was over a year old. At 7.5 months, if they're hungry then they're hungry and I don't think it's an appropriate age to expect them to wait, personally.

My daughter's nearly two and until she was 14 months and eating decent amounts of a reasonably balanced diet in the day I fed her to sleep every time she woke in the night. She sleeps just fine now (apart from wanting me to stay with her while she drops off but that's a recent thing).

Your baby will sleep through or at least stop waking so often when he's ready, IMO, and short of leaving him to cry which I could never have done there isn't an awful lot you can do about it. It seems like it's going to be like this forever at the moment, I expect, but I promise when you look back it will almost certainly feel like such a short time when he needed you so intensely and urgently. I say do what you feel comfortable with and don't listen to anyone who wants you to do things their way unless they happen to agree with you!

OliveOil that is so refreshing to read advice like that. It breaks my heart when people take advice from books etc when they really want to give that baby a good cuddle! Its a shame as they are babies for such a short time and now at 21 months-i'd love to give DS a good long cuddle but he's waaay past snuggly cuddles unless he's really tired.

DD1 was a rubbish sleeper didn't through the night until she was 2yrs. She still had milk in the night until she was about 18mths when she was only taking 1oz.

Where as dd2 has gone through the night since she was about 10wks and even now (11mths)if she wakes for a feed it tends to be around 10.30pm then goes until 7am.

I think babies will sleep through when they are ready. FWIW dd1 was eating twice the milk/food that dd2 was.

You have my sympathies - it is hard enough dealing with a badly sleeping baby, let alone everyone else's "advice". I always felt that when DD woke in the night she needed company and comfort and when I just accepted that was the way she was I gave her what she needed and got back to bed. The most stressful times were when we were trying to "fix" it. At 2.5 she is now a really good sleeper but still sometimes creeps into our bed at night for a cuddle and quite often goes back of her own accord when she has got the reassurance she needs.

I know you don't want to think about sleepless nights going on this long and quite possibly it won't (DD has had her ups and downs during that time) but I really feel just follow your instinct and do what feels best for you as a family. I still gave DD a bottle int he night until she was 2 because that was a quick way to settle her and only stopped when I could explain to her that the milk man didn't come until morning . My friends and family thought I was mad but then they weren't the ones actually having to deal with it. I just used to say "she will do it when she is ready" and she did.

Sorry for the long post - it is just a long winded way of saying what MrsM did! And telling people to mind their own business in the nicest possible way get easier over time.