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Original poster

Beggining to HATE the nightitme routine of trying to get DD to sleep.

55 replies

DustyTV · 22/08/2008 11:35

DD sleeps really well, 99% of the time she sleeps for at least 8 hours solid at night. She very rarely wakes in the night now.

BUT....snd this is a big but.... it can take DH and I up to 4 hours to get DD to sleep.

By 7pm she is tired and you can tell she is, she is narky because she wont just go to sleep. We give her a bottle at about 7.30-8.00pm and beigging trying to get her to go to sleep.

We do the following;
Rock her.
Sing to her.
play her a lulaby/baby motzart CD.
Walk her round and round and round the block.
Go for a drive (but we are getting rid of the car next Tuesday so we wont be able to do that any more)
We leave her to ettle herself either in her cot or in our room.
We sit next to her cot while she is tring to settle herself.
We sit outside her room while she is tring to settle herself.

I'm wondering if we could get somesort of a swing seat for a 9mo so that she an be rocked to sleep in that, but I cant find one suitable for her weight..

We don't want to leave her to CIO like SIL keeps telling us to do.

PAny advice or help would be most appreciated.

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 23/08/2008 20:35

you're on the lap top in her bedroom?

MrsMattie · 23/08/2008 20:41

I would definitely try an earlier bedtime, before she gets totally overtired and grumpy. Also second having a proper routine - ie. doing the same thing every night for several weeks before you decide if it's working or not.

You have my sympathies! Hope some of this advice helps

Original poster
DustyTV · 23/08/2008 20:45

She is asleep now.

I was sat in her room sushing her, I was on the laptop in her room. I suppose the light from it was keeping her awake!!

I am so useless, I cant even get my baby to go to sleep

DH kept saying, 'it's not working just bring her downstairs'. But I didn't want to. I thought that I had been at it so long that I would stick it out, but OMG, I cannot understand why DD would not go to sleep.

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 23/08/2008 20:48

No - you're not useless! You've fallen into a very easy trap of trying everything to placate her, which has actually made things worse. It's really hard to hear your child cry, but in this situation I think you will have to put up with a bit of it, and just have some patience. As long as you know that your daughter is in no pain or discomfort, it shouldn't take that long to establish the routine, you just have to stick to it.

Original poster
DustyTV · 23/08/2008 20:52

Today went something like this;

7.00am DD woke up
breakfast
play
milk
9.30am walk
11.00am nap
12-13 am lunch
play/walk
milk
15-16pm nap
17.00pm dinner
18.00pm bath, milk, story
19.00pm bed
cry, cry, cry, scream, cry

Do we need ton change anything?

Please tell me it does get better.

OP posts:
scanner · 23/08/2008 20:54

It gets better.

Fwiw my dc's were all good sleepers and I found that a long daytime nap meant they were more likely to sleep at night.

nappyaddict · 23/08/2008 20:55

keep up with the hush/patting. did you say you had tried pick up/put down? other than that she needs to be in darkness and quiet - so no laptops, no singing, no cds.

Original poster
DustyTV · 23/08/2008 20:56

Thank you all.

I am just feeling a bit deflated, we had such a wonderful start to the day. I had my young cousins stay over last night and we had a really good time. They are really good with DD and a pleasure to be around.

I keep thinking it is me. I cannot even placate my own daughter

DH is usually so good with her but he will not try something if it take too much time

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 23/08/2008 21:00

Her afternoon nap is probably a bit late. I would make sure she is awake by 3:30 ish.

Original poster
DustyTV · 23/08/2008 21:01

Yeah when she got up I picked her up and laid her back down. I deffo wont have the laptop in there again.

The only time I took her out of her cot was to change her nappy as it was really dirty.

She sleeps so well once she is actually asleep I feel a bit of a fraud for complaining. DD will sleep for at least 8 hours straight, but usually 10-12 hours straight.

I cope better with her waking in the night than I do when I cant get her to go to sleep.

OP posts:
NellyTheElephant · 23/08/2008 21:03

Hi, I agree with many of the comments made about consistency and earlier bedtime. Re the routine you have set out above I would really try and avoid allowing a nap so late in the day as it may well cause problems going to bed at 7pm.

In my experience with my two DDs naps are the absolute key to getting nighttime sleep and bedtimes sorted and once you manage to sort them out it really helps bedtime. At this age I'd suggest you wake her by 7.30 then put her down for a short nap (say 30 - 45 mins) from about 9.15 - 10am. Then lunch at 12 ish and down for another nap around 12.30 / 12.45. Wake by 2.30 or 3pm latest, then everything else as you are doing.

Please don't despair if she cries the first few nights of this routine. Just go in and out and check and sooth her - she'll soon get the idea provided you are consistent.

Original poster
DustyTV · 23/08/2008 21:05

Thanks I will try to bring her afternoon nap forward.

Sometimes DD will nap from aprox 10.30 (ish) to 13.00 (ish), if it looks like she will have that long a nap should I leave her and not let her have an afternoon nap. Or should I wake her and let her have an afternoon nap.

Gawd, I so don't know what I am doing!!!!

OP posts:
missblythe · 23/08/2008 21:06

You're doing fine! She just needs a little while to get used to it, that's all.

As she's crying when you are in her room anyway, would you consider leaving the room and letting her grissle for a little while? I know when my DD had sleep issues, My presence in the room may it much worse, and she would take longer to go off.

Don't give up hope!

Original poster
DustyTV · 23/08/2008 21:07

Also WRT to napping; Should I let her settle herself for a nap or should I help her to get to sleep for her nap??????????

OP posts:
Original poster
DustyTV · 23/08/2008 21:08

MissB, I could always sit outside her room for a bit. Do you think it could help??

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 23/08/2008 21:24

What you're aiming for is for her to manage to go to sleep on her own, so don't try to do anything that will help her.

Honestly, you are too close to this! You have only been doing this for a couple of nights, it's not going to work immediately.

Do the same thing, stick with it and it will be fine.

nappyaddict · 23/08/2008 21:28

to me it looks like your dd needs just a short nap in the afternoon. say 2-2:30.

nappyaddict · 23/08/2008 21:30

ah just seen your post about the long nap. it looks like she could be moving towards having 1 long nap time. could you perhaps move it a back later so she is sleeping from 11-2?

nappyaddict · 23/08/2008 21:30

bit not back!

ChairmumMiaow · 23/08/2008 21:32

Another vote for earlier bedtime. We've tried putting 7 month old DS to bed at 6.30 or 7 so that DH gets to spend more time with him, but we just get a grumpy wriggling baby that takes ages to put to bed (used to take up to 2 (or sometimes more) hours of nursing, cuddling, singing etc to get him to sleep.

We then watched for him eye-rubbing and doing the vacant staring thing after 5pm and whipped him straight into bedclothes - he would feed straight to sleep, so we started doing his routine from around that time. Now he's rarely not asleep by 6 (6.30 if he's had a really late - past 4pm - nap) but normally, he does dinner at 5, bath at 5.30 then change and either 2 books (if not whinging) or feed then bed.

We do leave him to cry if he's overtired and too wriggly(rarely more than 2 minutes even on a bad day) but most of the time I feed him to sleep and he stays asleep (night wakings are still an issue, but we're working on them)

So to summarise, I would try moving the bedtime back 15 minutes every couple of nights and see what suits your DD. Also, a fixed bedtime routine - bath, fixed number of books and/or songs, then feed seems to work for a lot of people.

Good luck!

ChairmumMiaow · 23/08/2008 21:35

Also, from the sleep books I've read, I'd second Nelly's suggested nap timings - its what we're trying for (but he never naps for long enough !)

puffling · 23/08/2008 21:37

She won't go to sleep if she's not tired. She need more daytime naptime and her bedtime need to be 12 ish hrs after her wake up. If you're getting her up as late as 8.30/9am, she may not need to go down till 8.30.

puffling · 23/08/2008 21:38

Go on babywhisperer. It's free and the moderators give very clear tailored advice.

Original poster
DustyTV · 24/08/2008 08:47

Thanks everyone, I was feeling a bot low last night after trying my hardest with her. I got her up at 7am this morning so will try again tonight.

How does this sound?

5pm dinner
6pm bath and story (Should we do story in her room or downstairs?)
7pm bed.

OP posts:
DrGeorge · 24/08/2008 09:46

I agree with BIWI - I think the bedtime routine sounds fine, I would have bedtime drink and story downstairs then take her to bed settle her down and leave her to it.

I wouldn't stay in the room, it will stress you out and she will know you're there. There is nothing wrong with going into the room after a few minutes - DON'T pick her up, say to her quietly that you are still there but now it's bedtime and leave again - then she knows you haven't abandoned her. But don't be popping in every 30 seconds! It may take some days but stick with it - it really will be worth it in the long run - she will be able to settle herself to sleep then if in the future she goes through a phase of waking (both mine did this when I started without nappies at night but it wasn't an issue because they were used to getting back to sleep on their own.)

I also agree with the others that to start with I would limit the daytime naps - at this age both of mine were having about 1-1.5h morning and efternoon. If it looks like getting on for longer I would gently wake her. Does she settle easily when you put her down during the day or do you only put her down when she drops off? Think about this as it might give you some helpful clues for the evening.

Good luck