If your dc wasn’t sleeping through at 12 months…

[snickersnack]

?at what age did they start? And did you do anything particular that helped them, or did they just sort of get the idea without any assistance? DS is 13 months and not much better at sleeping than he was aged 4 months. From about 2.30am onwards he?s very restless ? wakes up lots, hard to settle. We?ve got into the habit of giving him milk when he wakes as we were about to drop dead from exhaustion (he?d cry for up to an hour at a time, several times a night, regardless of what we did) and at least this way he will go back to sleep for a couple of hours and we?re only up for a few minutes at a time.

But I made the mistake (big mistake) of mentioning this to the HV when I took him for his 12 month check (why don?t I learn?) and she put the fear of god into me, saying that if a child isn?t sleeping through the night at 12 months, they?re never going to do it without a lot of intervention (by which I know she means controlled crying) and I was making a rod for my own back by not dealing with him more firmly.

I?d love to think he?ll grow out of this on his own. I don?t even really care if it takes months. I?m used to the lack of sleep. But I do not think I can bear the idea that he?ll still be doing this aged 2 or 3, and that we?ll then be faced with a huge and ingrained problem. I do worry that we?re overfeeding him, although he?s a pretty lean little thing ? no fat on his bones. So am I being hopelessly deluded in just carrying on or should we attempt something more organised to get him out of the habit of waking?

well you're asking about my dc .. and I wouldn't feed a dc during the night at that age

I also think some children do need to be shown / trained to sleep through the night

and I also think that a good night's sleep is beneficial to the child

that said, I know some people whose children don't sleep through till much later and they feel ok with it so I suppose you have to ask yourself what you're happy with rather than what other people are happy with IYSWIM

I agree with Twiglett.

My son was 2 and a half when he finally started sleeping 7pm-7am (he was waking once or twice a night from birth until then). It was nothing we did or didn't do. He just started sleeping for longer stretches and we've never looked back...

Now you're making me nervous. My ds sounds the same as yours snickersnack, or at least we deal with his waking the same way. In fact he woke up just then, oddly enough, about an hour earlier than usual and I tried giving him water (as I've been surfing MN) but nothing doing. It was a toss up between be up with him (in the dark) for two hours doing godknowswhat until he's furious and exhausted, as would I be, or just feeding him for four minutes. Guess which I chose. And he did actually feed, even though he's quick. And he was awake when I put him back down, so he can self-settle - he's quiet as a mouse now. (Oops - waaah!) I too am imagining he'll work it all out for himself, as he does get better all the time. Even if I think, hmm, he woke up a bit tonight, it is an eternity since I couldn't see straight for tiredness. As he gets older he is waking for shorter periods and settling better, and I'm (fairly) confident he will lose the feeding too. But I was serious about the nervous bit - I'll be watching any further comments.

my dd was 5.5 YEARS before she slept through the night. She still has trouble dropping off now.
The baby, 3 years her junior slept through before she did.

Our DD2 is 1 on Saturday and rarely sleeps through but wakes once or twice in the night for a quick top up. I wouldn't worry about it. We're not.

ds2, woke alot at 13mo, and was fed. Was definitly sleeping through by 2, probably by 18mo - but I don't actualy remember.

18 months, or a few weeks ago

DD was 2 when she started sleeping through, she just did it.

DS2 is 2 and still wakes to bf in the early hours.

Don't worry about it, he'll do it eventually.

DD was 20 months. We resorted to a bout of CC to crack it as it wans't sorting itself out and DH and I were exhausted. Worked within 3 or 4 nights, and really wasn't that bad. I remember keeping a diary of CC on MN at the time, back in January 2005

19 months. She would only wake once usually. She'd have a feed, then after a while would just want straightening out and tucking in. Then, she just started sleeping through.

I looked at it as something they do when they're ready. Like walking.

Did sleep training at 20 months as at hte end of my tether with waking 3-5 times per night. Within 3 days was sleeping through 6-6.

Hi, this is a message for Hulababy (apologies snickersnack for the hijack):
My DS is 18 months and I'm going the cc route. I read your dairy with interest. Would you say it was worthwhile? What I'm most afraid of is repeating the process ad infinitum in future - I hate hearing babe cry (and he knows it!!) So, would you really recommend it?
Thanks anyway

Controlled Crying is a kind thing to do because it is enabling them to have a really good nights sleep. that was how I dealt with it. It worked for my 10 month old, even after about 3 nights. I did the 3 minutes, then 4 minutes etc one. Never got t more than 5 minutes in a session.

I agree with you, aviatrix!

Having said that, our babies have to try and somehow fit in with our 21st century lifestyle, so encouraging them to "sleep through" is essential when there are so many working mothers or indeed mothers who have become used to living and sleeping in a certain way so can't handle the classic co-sleeping and half-waking for feeds without really noticing it business.

We've all been brought up (well, most of us) to sleep in our own space, even when shared with another adult - having a baby beside you is often and uncomfortable experience as a result and causes less sleep for many mums. On th other hand, some people are great at co-sleeping and there are still numerous cultures where it's the norm.

OP, solidarity with you! I'm not keen on the idea of CC either, although I may go down that route eventually if and when I decide enough is enough. Good luck!!

My DS was 2 before he slept through. I did sleep training a couple of times (GW) which was the method which suited him and which always worked but he ALWAYS regressed due to illness and each time he took longer to train. He was a child that hated to go to sleep without me there. I think he slept through of his own accord in the end.

DS2 (now 9.5 months) is easier to get to sleep - he will go himself (although if not knackered theres a lot of him standing up me lying him down - thats just the stage he's at though). Sometimes he needs a bit of a grizzle - I can now tell the difference between that and him crying because he wants me. I leave the room once I know he's not getting up again.
However he wakes during the night - sometimes once - sometimes every hour. There doesnt seem to be any pattern, its just random. Sometimes he can settle himself, but I can tell by the sounds he makes whether he's going to do that or not.

So a) every child is different. Its no good the HV saying 'this is what will happen blah blah'. I spent god knows how many hours of my life sitting beside DS 1 and inching away every night, sitting in the darkness with a numb bum and wondering when it would end. And of course it ended when he was old enough.
b) sleep training works, but you have to use the right method for the child. DS1 and CC did NOT work. DS2 and CC probably would, but to be honest the stage he's at i.e. teething, starting to stand/walk I dont think its the best time. Also what may not work when they are 7 months might possibly work when they are 17 months.
c) every parent is different. It doesnt matter what we all say. If it makes you sick to the stomach to let him cry. Dont do it.
d) Its about balance. How desperate are you compared to how much crying can you withstand? And how much does it affect your other DC if you have them. As I said in b) I could probably try DS2 with CC as he's a very different child from DS1, but I can cope at the moment, as I said the stage he's at is awkward, and I'd rather get up than have him wake DS1. If its working for you and you havent got the energy right now to change it, perhaps you dont need to change it.

Very interesting. DD is 12mo and wakes twice a night. She's BF and does actually have a good feed and won't take a bottle or beaker. DH is busy with work so can't really send him in instead.

Currently, things are okay as a quick feed twice a night is fine and I'm back in bed within 15 minutes.

The approach I'm taking is actually to stop her feeding to sleep at nap times during the day. I'm hoping an improvement in her self-settling will have a knock-on effect at night too.

My brother woke during the night for milk until he was two. my mum gave him a bottle/drink of milk and quite often ending up sleeping on a mattress on his floor with him.
At two they moved house and put him in his own bed rather than a cot. Slept through immediately.
HV talking rubbish.

OP - totally agree with you on HV's. Tell them nothing. If you're worried about something go to GP. See HV only because they have scales!

Madcol - what sleep training? what did you do???

My ds is 13 mths and similar to OP's, was told similar by hv at 10mth check up - didn't tell them at the 12 month one! Was considering night weaning (lots of threads on here about that in the feeding section) but waiting for a bit just now. Lol at the hv having scales!