Toddler who suddenly won't sleep in her cot

[Cl]

My two and a quarter year old daughter has never been a great sleeper, but has responded in the past to 'sleep training' when necessary and has been, on the whole fine about going to sleep in her cot - tho not always staying there. About a month ago she got chickenpox. A few days before the spots appeared she became very clingy and wouldn't go in her cot - we let her sleep with us as she was obviously unwell. Then the spots came and she stayed in our bed. Then we went on holiday and she was in our room and inevitably in our bed. Since we came back two and half weeks ago she has only gone to sleep in her cot four times. Once for her nanny and three times - non consecutive - for no apparent reason. The rest of the time she starts as soon as she gets out of the bath saying she wants to sleep in my bed. She also wants me to cuddle her to sleep, which is taking longer and longer and means she wants cuddling again when she wakes in the night(Richard Ferber would not be happy!). I tried letting her cry/sleep training but she threw herself head first out of her cot - so that's no longer an option. It seems to me she's now too willful to succumb to sleep training (I've let her cry for more than an hour), but not old enough to bribe/ bargain with. I would try and relax about it and count is as a phase, but I'm now 5 months pregnant with my second child and terrified that we'll end up as four in a bed soon! I'm also exhausted and increasingly depressed and impatient with her. I used to look forward to bath time, now I start dreading her bedtime from about 4pm onwards. I've tried cutting down her naps, going to bed earlier/later, letting her fall asleep in our bed and transferring her, reasoning with her - is she scared etc - she lied and said she was scared of rabbit, her favourite toy from birth and not scary at all...even whining back in a toddler voice!!!. Is there anything anyone can suggest?

Have you thought about putting her in `big girl' bed now? It might be just what is needed to break the habit of sleeping with you and get into a new routine before baby number two arrives.

Make a big fuss of getting the bed ready, a duvet cover of her choice - let her know what a big girl she is and how proud you are of her.

You might have to do a bit of sleep training to keep her in her new bed/stop her coming out of her room. Or put a stairgate over her bedroom door. But after a while it should work.

Our son (2 next week!) sleeps great in his bed - it took about 3 days to get him settled completely. He gets out in the morning and comes into us, but he mainly stays in it OK.

Persevere with the sleep training if you have to - it will work eventually. The more willful she is the more she is testing you which means you have to be strong and stick to your guns.

I really do sympathise, I know what it is like to have a child that won't sleep. If you want to change this you can do it.

This is a familiar story to me, and I really sympathise. I've had some similiar problems with my son, who's now 3 and is still prone to nighttime wandering. When he was 2and a quarter, things got really out of hand, he was constantly up and about and howling when we took him back to his own bed; eventually, we were so exhausted and dispirited that we did the sleep training on him, shutting his door and silently falling to pieces as he cried - but going in an comforting him every few minutes. This took about two worrying nights, but did work - the other thing that worked after that was saying "if you stay in bed, I'll wait here for a few minutes by the door - and then I'll come and see you in a few minutes again - but only if you stay in bed" - giving him an option. Also, we have had times when he has wanted to come in our bed but we have let him (or his sister if she can't sleep) sleep in a little sleeping bag on the floor. It's not perfect, but a hell of a lot better than a snuffling hot body in bed with you! It might be a good intermediate point. As you say, you are really suffering with being pregnant and sleep-deprived; you could try some of these intermediate steps, I think she might understand that there are choices but that bedtimes are non-negotiable basically - also could she choose a nice new toy to take to her cot with her, and look after, which would defuse the "scary rabbit" situation.

Hi

I have a new topic of discussion which is a bit embarrassing and would like to know if anyone else has similar problems.

My two year old daughter has a bad habit of pressing her hand against her private parts (with her nappy on) and rubbing up and down along the floor - she does it all the time, in her pushchair, high chair etc. I have taken her to the doctor to make sure she hasn't got thrush or any kind of infection - but everything is fine. She seems to want to put pressure on that area.

I haven't made too big an issue out of it with her - hoping she will grow out of it - but its embarrassing when we go out and visit people.

If I tell her to stop - its short lived and she starts again!

Any advice?

Snoozy does she do this when her nappy isn't on? could you let her run without one on for a while, and see if she's more comfortable. Maybe its worth trying to potty train her, she could be ready to get rid of the nappies early?

Snoozy
we had this as well, at the same age - I was amazed. She very obviously got a lot of pleasure out of it - and I didn't want ot tell her it was wrong (what kind of message would that send for the future!). We told her it was something you did in private, and tried to divert her in public. And after a while she grew out of it - in fact, I'd forgotten all about it until I read your message.