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Sleep

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Original poster

Early waking in three year old - scared to go to sleep - help!

25 replies

sophierosie · 06/07/2008 16:11

My dd has been waking about 5am for the last fortnight or so ready (in her eyes) to start the day. She's also started coming into bed with me and dh in the night - which I'd rather get her out of the habit of as dh works shifts and doesn't often get in til the early hours.

The early morning wakings are literally killing me - I'm the main carer and to go from 5am til 7.30pm without a break is leaving me short tempered and downright miserable.

DD doesn't have a nap anymore, but as she's awake so early she tends to fall asleep on the sofa at about 9am. I'm trying to keep her awake all day to try and get her out of the habit of waking early. She also fights to go to sleep at nighttime saying she's scared of the dark - she sleeps with the light on and the only way I can get her to stay in bed is to threaten to take her light away - not very nice, but its the only thing that will keep her in bed. When she comes in my bed in the middle of the night she says she's scared - sometimes I'm too tired to get her up and put her back in her own bed so I know I'm being inconsistent with her which doesn't help.

We generally go out in teh mornings doing active stuff and then a more relaxing pm, then maybe a walk after dinner to calm her down a bit.

I'm trying a sticker chart where she gets two stickers a night - one for sleeping in her own bed all night and one for staying in bed til 7am - i've put a sticker on her clock so she knows when its time to get up - unfortunately if she's in our bed already it doesn't really work. Once she gets 15 stickers she can have a treat.

I'm starting to feel really resentful of her and her early waking - I think its because she's always been a really good sleeper so I'm paying for it now - I just don't have the energy or enthusiasm to be able to do anything with her - particularly on rainy days like today.

Please tell me I'm not alone!

Any ideas from anyone to encourage her to stay in her bed longer in the mornings?

OP posts:

Original poster

sophierosie · 06/07/2008 20:31

anyone? I'd really appreciate some ideas to get me through tomorrow

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Tutter · 06/07/2008 20:33

i'm afraid i have to report that ds1 did this every daty til he dropped his naps at 2.5yo

ds2 (11mo) is doing the same

that's 3 years of getting up at 5am

girliefriend · 06/07/2008 20:39

Oh dear you are def not alone almost every mum I speak to seems to be having similar probs, well firstly you poor thing sleep deprivation is not good! O.k secondly it does sound like you are doing the right thing! A reward chart for staying in bed is a brill idea, you can get these clocks where a rabbit or something opens their eyes at a set time and tell your dd not to get up before bunny has opened his eyes, umm I would also always take her back to bed if she gets up before half 6 and just explain that it is still bedtime and that mummy needs more sleep. If you can encourage her to play quietly in her room or even better to sit in bed and look at books, if you are lucky she might go back off to sleep! Also push bedtime back a bit whenever my dd (2.5yrs) starts waking up early I put bedtime back to 8pm and by the end of a few days it has a knock on effect and then you can slowly bring bed time back to normal. The scared of the dark thing is tricky because the darker it is the better your dd should sleep so aim for as dark as poss with out freaking her out too much! Hope some of that helps - good luck! Xxx

Original poster

sophierosie · 06/07/2008 20:39

Don't tell me that!

She had an accidental 30 minute nap this afternoon that took her about an hour to wake up properly from as she was so tired - then we had a big talk this evening about how she needs to sleep well tonight so she can have lots of energy at toddler group - we'll see - but I'm not very hopeful!

I'm just rubbish at coping without sleep - the only thing getting me through is the thought of going to bed at 9pm! Rock and roll!

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Original poster

sophierosie · 06/07/2008 20:41

Thanks GF - I've looked at the bunny clocks and think they are a good idea - don't have the cash so I've butchered an old alarm clock with a sticker over 7am and strict instructions that she can't get up before then!

Tonight I was going to try and get her to go to bed at about 8pm but she was so tired she didn't even want any bedtime stories!

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DanJARMouse · 06/07/2008 20:43

DD1 is 4 in 2 weeks time and she does the 5am thing too. Bed times make no difference at all, and she refuses to nap unless we have a long trip in the car.

Have tried reward charts - no good, so im just riding the wave waiting for the day I can go in and wake her up for school etc!!!

girliefriend · 06/07/2008 20:44

Also thinking about it get her to give you as much detail as you can about what it is she is afraid of in the dark - get her to draw a pic if possible and then work on the fear to make it more managable for her, maybe making up a story or something (can you tell I am making this up as I go along?!) threatening to take the light away I imagine will just make her more anxious so discuss the fear in as much detail as poss is my advice!!!

girliefriend · 06/07/2008 20:47

Am also useless on no sleep and think would be physically sick if had to get up at 5am everyday (shudder)! Good luck XxX

Original poster

sophierosie · 06/07/2008 20:53

I'm not completely convinced that she is actually scared of the dark - her room is lit at all times, and she sleeps pretty well in our room which is completely dark - and even obediently closes the door behind her when she sneaks in in the middle of the night.

I think she just wants to be with us - which is lovely - but just not in the middle of the night

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girliefriend · 06/07/2008 22:09

yeah if that is the case then it is time to get strict! Xx

WilfSell · 06/07/2008 22:11

hope the alarm clock works. We do have the bunny clock and it worked within 2 days: our 3 year old has hardly got up before 7 since we started using it (with sticker chart and bribes!)

If only we could get it to work on the baby too!

OldieButGoldie · 06/07/2008 22:53

I can remember being scared during the night at around that age. I was just scared. I was scared to call out and hear my voice reverberate around the walls and my parents not hear me anyway.I was scared to go to their room and get a hostile reception. My mum laughs now when I tell her and says its not true, that she wouldn't have ignored me if I was scared, but I can remember waiting and waiting till I whispered 'Mummy', bit louder 'Mummy', and eventually the blankets would go back and I would climb in to the edge of the bed and finally get some sleep.

Oh dear, it sounds like I'm talking to my counsellor. All I wanted to say was take her in to your bed and make her feel secure and she will grow out of it.

I did.

quaranta · 06/07/2008 23:01

OldieButGoldie... I second you.

Sophierosie - imo she will grow out of it... our DS1 is a great sleeper but sometimes wakes up and comes in - and I just think - he's not going to be wanting to do this when he's 19 is he? Anything I can stop him being scared about now I will do - god knows there will be enough things I won't be able to reassure him about in life, but if at this stage everything feels ok enough then good. The 5am starts though... YOU HAVE MY FULL SYMPATHY. don't quite know what to suggest and quite understand why you would want some helpful suggestions!! GOOD LUCK x

Original poster

sophierosie · 07/07/2008 08:25

OK - so last night was a mixed bag.

DD settled herself to sleep ok (she was so tired she couldn't have done anything else). She slept til 4am when she came in saying her tummy was rumbling and she was thirsty - she has a drink by the side of her bed - basically she wanted to get up and start the day - dh dealt with her tonight - he'd only been in from a 12 hour shift for about an hour so was in desperate need of sleep. Ended up with tears on her behalf but a realisation that neither dh or myself were going to get up or get her up - she finally settled herself back to sleep at about 6am (in our bed) and then woke up at 7.30 and was very pleased when she saw on her clock that it was time to get up!

I think one of the reasons she finds it hard to get back to sleep is that she goes from being sound asleep to wide awake in seconds - its like turning a light on - there is no halfway - that's why she wakes and wants to get up despite being blatantly exhausted!

Am going to keep her awake all day (if I can) and see how we get on tonight.

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Dropdeadfred · 07/07/2008 08:38

How light is her bedroom? It may be that this isn't helping her stay asleep...think it's proven we sleep better in the dark...

Original poster

sophierosie · 07/07/2008 12:11

I'd love her to sleep in the dark - but she insists on sleeping with her light on. If I turn the light off during the night when she wakes up she gets really upset.

She used to sleep in a completely pitch dark room til she was about 2.9 with no problems whatsoever.

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Dropdeadfred · 07/07/2008 12:15

Can you compromise and pick her a little bedside lamp with a timy bulb in it?

Original poster

sophierosie · 07/07/2008 12:21

I've already done this - she has a v low level wattage light and her bedside lamp is on the other side of the room so about as far away from her bed as possible!

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Dropdeadfred · 07/07/2008 12:27

Okay...i assumed you meant a full light or strong light.

Personally I think waiting for 15 stickers is too long. How about getting to three and having a treat..7 days of sleeping alone for a scared three year old is too long for her to imagine...make it a snaller treat for every 2-3 nights she manages.

girliefriend · 07/07/2008 19:52

Hello again good luck tonight, I agree with above you do need to get it quite easy for a 3 year old to get her head round so def 3 or 4 stickers in a week and then a present would be o.kay to start with and then, increase the amount of stickers etc. Also the dark thing, she almost certainly would sleep better if it was dark so I don't know but think this is something you will have to work on with her, obviously you don't want a terrified child in a dark room but there must be some middle ground, how about one of those little plug ins and then turning that off when you go up to bed? xXX

Original poster

sophierosie · 07/07/2008 20:19

Hello - this is like a support thread for me!

She's managed to go off alright today - out all morning playing - she had a 20 min nap after lunch when she fell asleep on the sofa whilst I was hoovering upstairs - we've had a nice afternoon - lots of reading etc - I've said to her that if she stays in her bed all night and gets up after 7am she'll get two stickers and a charlie and lola magazine!

GF - I tried one of those nightlights and pulled it out of the socket in a temper - never again - don't want those little fingers getting into the socket by accident. She has had her light on in her room since about November - slept fine them - am clinging on to the fact that this is a 'phase' ha ha!

Thanks for all your support! Lets see how tonight goes...

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girliefriend · 07/07/2008 20:44

fair enough, good luck! And am sure it is just a phase and take some comfort from the fact that she is bound to sleep better by the time the summer is over!!! XxX

Original poster

sophierosie · 07/07/2008 21:06

sorry - it should read that dd pulled the nightlight out not me!

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Dropdeadfred · 08/07/2008 12:11

How did she do?

Original poster

sophierosie · 08/07/2008 13:59

Well, she crept into bed at about 11.30 without waking me at all - dh got back from work at about midnight and found her in there! He just left her in there. She still woke up about 5am but I sent her to check her clock and she realised that it wasn't time to get up yet so just sat in our bed reading her books in the dark - bless...

I explained that she wouldn't be able to have a treat as she only got one sticker (one for staying quiet til morning time.)

She nods her head so earnestly when you explain what she should do in the mornings - but obviously that goes out of the window in the middle of the night.

She starts nursery in september so am hoping she's going to be so tired from a full day that she won't wake up so early!

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