Urgent advice needed from cosleepers pleaase!

[IlanaK]

I am due my third baby shortly and have never co-slept. I plan to co-sleep this time and only have a very short time to decide exactly how I plan to do it.

Please look at this link: www.humanityinfantandherbal.com/humanityfamilybed.html I can't order it as it is from the US, but my mum sews and I was going to get her to make me something similar.

Do I need it? Could I just go for a bed rail? I have a 6 foot bed, and sleep in it with dh. I don't want to be restricted to the baby only being between us as I bf and will want to turn over and be able to feed from both sides.

I don't want a bed side cot or anything similar - I want the baby in bed with me.

So, is it a good idea to make something like in the link? What do you all do?

we slept on the floor on a futon
am about to do the same a second time

you know I never planned to co-sleep, just drifted into it, so I am sure you could muddle through without getting it all planned in advance
you might like to try it and see how it works best for you, before buying / making anything elaborate

how's your spd Ilana? hope you are doing ok

I had baby in grobag on top of duvet next to me, with cot against side of bed so she wouldn't fall out, although our bed was very low. When older, she went under the duvet, in the middle of the bed. Second DD, did the same. I usually fed lying down from one side, and when they were much smaller, would sit up in bed and feed using v shaped pillow. Worked well for us. HTH

And I would say, ditto FrannyandZooey, we never really planned it, just naturally drifted into doing it that way too.

Hummm, well I think it looks quite cool & if your mum will happily sew it, why not? We co-slept with dd ( & still do sometimes, she's now 2.4) & she always slept between us - but dh is a very light sleeper, & I bf, so I never worried to much. If you think it'll make you feel calmer & happier about co-sleeping, go for it!

That looks great

we always home made something similar, either with pillows or bed against a wall or, with ds2, we had a cot next to the bed that he very occasionly went in and now begins the night in.

I have co-slept with all mine. Currently co-sleeping with number 4 and he sleeps in my arms permanently latched on I think. I think everyone works out their own personal way of co-sleeping.

obviously Guadalupe's dc are all healthy and well

but putting pillows down not recommended for little ones I don't think - too soft, bit of a smothering risk

Can't put mattress on the floor or push bed against wall due to room configuration (just moved in to my mum's flat for four months due to our own building undergoing major refurbishment project).

I don't think I understand the sleeping in the middle scenario. What happens when you want to turn over - you end up with your back to the baby. And what about when feeding - do you always feed on only one side? (I think in the early weeks the other breast would explode!)

FrannyandZooey - thanks for asking about the spd. It is no better of course, but has been totally eclipsed by all the other pain and mobility issues that come from being this huge and pregnant.

I used to feed and then put ds back to sleep in the middle
feeding lying down came later on, when he was bigger, in my memory - but perhaps depends on your breasts
I don't think it matters if you turn away from them
but from what I have read you instinctively adopt a protective position for much of the night
dp used to watch ds and I sleeping sometimes and he said we would turn over in unison, and sometimes I would feed him without either of us waking up properly

so sorry you are feeling huge and in pain

i also drifted into it, starting on night 1 at the hospital when had DS cradled in my arm next to my bod. DH, bless his heart, needed his sleep too much to be woken by bf'ing/ crying so pissed off went to sleep in the spare bed.

Had a fairly flat pillow on both sides of the bed and always slept with my arm above DS's head and cradled around him, without touching him if poss cos he got far too hot, so also kept the duvet well clear of him (also cos of smothering risk). I was lucky that DS didn't roll at all and didn't wriggle much - and when he did he always wriggled towards me, not away.

Started moving him into his cot at 5mo with no problems
Good luck!

I found when dd was little I never did turn over - bf-ing mums tend to sleep facing their babies, sort of surrounding them (knees tucked underneath)

Ito feeding, I'm afraid I never really felt comfy feeding lying down, so I fed propped up on cushions, and then slid down as she finished

When dd got older, she slept with her arms round either me or dh (for a long time, she would also lick me as she went to sleep ) - so again, I tended not to move much.

Now we all find our own positions.

xposted - should mention that I had to bf lying down to start with, only way DS could manage it; and that lying on one side bf'ing for too long brought on a type of spd - as you already have spd, something to be aware of.

I think I am too tired to really register what is happening and if I am turning at night. I know ds is permanently latched on.

symapthy on the spd, i had it too, but mildly i guess from what i hear on here.

i used a bedside like one of these and i cant see how thast would be much different to the thing you are looking at...apart from easier to buy than make?

i almost always kept the baby on my side btw, between me and the guard rail. that way i could be sure of where he was, how much cover he had etc. plus, dp was nervous about rolling onto him and squishing him.

If I was still awake when DS stopped bf'ing, I would lie on my back to sleep. Never turned over completely. I did once try sleeping with back to DS but he wriggled right into my back which wasn't good so never did it again.

afair, i used to have to sit up to feed no's 1 and 2, tho less so with no2... and by no3 i literally fed on and off all night without waking at all. bliss!

We drifted into co-sleeping as well. We all slept pretty well when DS was in the moses basket which was next to the bed but I really felt it when I tried to get him into a cot in another room. The early hours seemed very lonely when I was trotting from one room to another and I just ended up scooping him up into our bed earlier and earlier.

When he was small I found I would wake briefly if he shifted position and make sure he was still safe and in a good place in the bed, but not waking long enough to get tired in the morning. I would tend to sleep facing him. Now he is bigger (he is 13 mo) he tends to take over the whole bed at times so unfortunately DH is often banished to the spare bedroom! I find I quite often turn away from him to get to sleep now. I have a small nightlight so I can always see him and check on his position if we need to.

I used to move any pillows away from his head and move him so he would be at the top of the bed and I would shuffle further down the bed so if I pulled the covers over my shoulders there was no risk they would go over him. Its quite hard to explain now I am trying to write it down, but I hope you see what I mean! You'll probably find your own way of doing it that feels safe and I agree that instinct kicks in.

Yes, sorry, ignore me, Franny is right.

I don't think I did use a pillow in the early days, maybe a rolled up blanket or something firmer.

Have not read entire thread but actually, we have one of those Humanity Sleeper things and it has been brilliant. It absorbs breast milk really well too, which was good for helping to avoid baby and me waking up all wet in the early days.

DS is 10 months old now and can climb right over the bolster but the thing itself is in good nick and we will def use it for the next dc.

(I mean the pad absorbs the milk, not the actual bolster ... and you can unzip and wash it).

paperdoll - how did you get yours? Did you have it sent from the US or do you live there. Also, how heavy is the bolster part? If my mum made one, would the type of bolster cushions you buy in shops for beds and sofas work, or is it much heavier weight than that?

For the people that use bedrails, do they fit on adult beds (ours is 6 foot wide). I like the look of the one that folds down as it would be easier to get in and out of bed I think. IS there a gap between the mattress and the rail? As that would be a hazard wouldn't it?

I ordered it IlanaK, using my maternity pay, which I felt sure would still last throughout mat leave (hollow laughter).

Having said that, I don't regret it, even though it cost a bomb and I got whacked with customs charges. I was concerned that those bed guard thingmies might not be totally safe, and as DS is my pfb, I wasn't sure how much I would be able to trust my instincts re keeping him safe in bed. And we have a massive bed too.

I am justifying it by planning to re-use it with future DCs and also, possibly, as a wee safety feature for DS when he eventually moves into a big bed.

Anyway ... the bolster itself is not massively heavy, but I have never seen those bolster cushions in shops so I can't really compare with those. It is anchored in place by being securely zipped in to the cotton sleeve. It does not flop about in the bed; we did get a real sense of security from it.
If your mum wants to make one, I would recommend that she takes her time over finding the right type of fabric as well - they use a really thick absorbent soft cotton which helps with the absorbency and is very durable, and does not go stiff when washed or anything. It is also nice and weighty, so the pad does not rumple up when you and the baby are turning and moving about on it. And the zip itself is chunky and would not scratch or hurt DS if he rubbed up against it.

hope that helps!

by chunky I just mean, not the sort with sharp little metal teeth.