Tips for bedtime struggles 3.5yr old

[Hesmoremyselfthaniam]

dd is 3.5.
dummy went 3 months ago. Big girl bed introduced 1 month ago.
bedtime is a nightmare.
sometimes point blank refusing to get in bed. Often waking and wandering about.
Bedtime taking 1-2 hours to get her down and settled.
she is so difficult to comfort. She doesn't like cuddles really, she doesn't have a Teddy she's attached to, doesn't like me singing lullabies... I'm kind of at my wits end trying to soothe her to sleep. she's also massive for her age so to physically hold her and try and rock her in a rocking chair is hard and she just isn't interested.
we have a semi routine of pjs, books, bed. But it's all gone off the rails and I don't know how to get back control of it.
anyone have any tips?
my eldest did both dummy and bed transition so seamlessly 😅 but she had a Teddy and liked cuddles and singing 😅

Mine is only 22 months but shes so similar! Actively resists cuddles. No advice. We just try and wear her out to get her down quickly 🤣 short nap and later bedtime

What time are you trying to do bedtime?
What time does she wake up in the morning?
Does she still nap?

Is she upset or just awake?

She doesn't nap unless in the car or buggy for 10 mins but very rarely. Gave up nap official nap at 2.5.
I'm wondering if she's overtired though as we've been having night terrors too 😭

we go upstairs at 6,30 to wind down start bedtime routine about 7. If she's asleep by 8 that's a good result, but it's often after. She wakes anywhere between 6 and 7.30.

I'd start off by making sure she's awake by 6.30am if you're starting her bedtime routine at 6.30pm (which going upstairs is). If the wake up time fluctuates so will bedtime. Otherwise you need to push her bedtime back.

I agree with getting her up the same time every day, lots of exercise and healthy food during the day, limited screen time. I’m wondering if going up to bed lateray help. Yoto or other audiobook. It’s really hot at the moment which won’t be helping.

Okay, so taking an average awake time of 6:45am with a sleep time of 8pm you are getting 10.75 hours overnight, which is a completely normal amount of sleep for a 3.5 year old (range is 10h-13h). I agree with others - if you want an earlier bedtime you need to consistently get her up earlier. And agree with the above - lots and lots of exercise.

If you want an earlier bedtime, you need an earlier and consistent wake time. Try waking her 7am latest, and see if that changes bedtime. If not, move to 6.45am/6.30am. Don't go up to bed so early, my daughter gets really cross if we try and put it to bed and she's not tired. We go in the garden after dinner for a big run around, then go up for quick bath and books.

Hi all
thanks for all your replies. She gets a fair amount of physical activity - goes to preschool too.

I take the point about waking earlier but it honestly doesn't seem to make much difference. For example today she woke at 6am and has only just gone off now at 8.30pm.

I think the heat isn't helping but it's just like as soon as we get to her room she's kind of wired and takes so long to wind down and has no real way of soothing herself.

perhaps I'll persist with early wakes and see how we go.

she's not really upset during bedtime but is more wired and excitable and not relaxed. We have white noise on and a fan to cool her and blackout blinds up so it's pretty dark.

Audio stories? My 2 really enjoyed this for a while. Youtube is full of people reading out kids stories. Make a playlist and leave it running in the background. Stay with her so that she stays in her bed and then gradually move away.