controlled crying with 19mo not working!

[claribelle]

Well, having been pretty much against cc until now, I finally got desperate enough to try it - going in after a minute, then adding 2 mins and on and on for up to 2 hours - and it just doesn't seem to be working! It worked for the first week or two. The first night was amazingly easy! I only had to go in twice and he was asleep by himself with hardly any crying at all. But then something changed this weekend and he doesn't cry much, but he has the willpower to shout and call for me for 2 hours at bedtime, until I finally give in and stay with him because i feel sorry for him being so tired. Plus its just stressful for me and dh!
I know that sounds like its giving and ruining it - but it worked before, so why not now? Maybe its just making him worse? Am thinking of abandoning it completely. The idea was that he would also stop waking 1 - 3 times in the night, which he hasn't either.
Sorry, long rant....any ideas? Maybe try gradual retreat instead? Thanks

I just came across this on the front page, and thought I'd add my experience (I've posted about it before under my old name).

CC didn't work for us. We tried when DS was about 18 months (I think - it's a long time ago now!). I was very unwilling (I had been very, very anti-CC) but he was still waking 6 - 8 times a night, every night, at that age.

So DH and I agreed to give it a go. And we did it by the book. Going in after 1 min, then 2, then 5, then 10 and so on. Never picking him up, just saying 'hush now, night night' and leaving again.

A bit like potatofactory's experience, he got more hysterical, not less. We did 5 nights, never deviating from the bloody plan. Each night he screamed and howled and sobbed from the second he was put down. The worst thing was when he would go quiet, and I'd leave it for 20-30 mins and then go and have a look, and he'd be standing in his cot, in the dark, watching the door without a sound. For half an hour. At 18 months old. Not lying down, not sleeping, just watching and waiting. Until he saw me, then he'd start to howl again. Each night he fell asleep, utterly exhausted, at around midnight, while I was in the room saying 'shush love, night night'.

On night 5, we realised this was hell, and we stopped. Those 5 nights made him frightened of going to bed, hysterical at bath time, and he clung to me all day for about a week.

I don't regret trying - it's a difficult pressure to resist, and almost everyone tells you it will work if you do it right. It didn't work for us and made DS very unhappy and scared.

We went back to co-sleeping to get enough sleep to function, and as time has gone on he has got better. At 2.3 he now wakes 1-2 times a night.

Things change over time. CC works for a lot of people, but not for everyone.

omg CK that is heartbreaking. The standing in the dark waiting for you has choked me up. Gosh. It definitely doesn't work for everyone, and certainly for us isn't the one/two/three night wonder it is for some people. But, I am seeing an improvement.

Btw Claribelle, prob 2 weeks ago now, we were going into the bedroom when she cried, and she would throw herself down on the pillow as if to say, 'i am asleep, honest'. we'd stroke her and then sit or stand beside her. she would lie so still and we thought, go to sleep. we'd move to the door and she would start again. so we spent ages, either sitting next to her or gradually moving towards the door, standing by it. each time she looked to see if we were stll there, or whinged, we would say 'shh shh' and she would go quiet again. she just wanted us with her. but, this went on and on and didn't improve. each time she woke she'd look for us. it could take her an hour or more to go to sleep like this, and i have a 4 year old who needs me to do the bedtime routine with her too.

Anyway, dd2 went to bed at 7 and has murmured on and off for half an hour now. she's not so tired, i think. she slept from 130-230 this afternoon. honestly, how can ONE HOUR'S SLEEP A DAY upset her going down to sleep at 7??! it's like she needs to wake from her sleep before 2pm if she is going to go to bed on time!

Hi Claribelle, just saw this post and wanted to add my experience (am feeling very buoyed by a full night's sleep last night!)

Ds was always a pretty bad sleeper. He had horrendous reflux so for the first 6mo or so could only sleep lying on me. When he went on meds he started doing a bit better but was still bfing all night. By the time he was 14 mo or so I was starting to resent it and dh was just not getting enough sleep (he was taking ds early in the a.m. so I could get a couple of hours, so we decided we had to do something.

We put ds in his own room in a double bed. I would bf him to sleep and then go away for the evening. I'd go to bed in our room and when he woke up I would go to his bed and co-sleep with him for the rest of the night. He was still waking a lot, so we decided to night wean.

We explained that I was very tired and wouldn't be bfing him at night any more (between 11 and 6). The first night none of us slept. Ds did not ask for a feed (he kept stroking my breasts as if they'd been hurt), but every time he was about to nod off he would reach for the breast and startle himself awake. Eventually he fell asleep at about 5 am.

The second night he did sleep much better. I slept with him, and every time he woke up I said 'no milk now, just cuddles' and he cuddled up and went to sleep. This carried on for a few months and for the last week or so he has been sleeping through most nights.

The only crying we have had was when it started to get light very early, and he would wake up at 5.30, see the light and ask for his morning feed. I'd say no, it was too early and sometimes he'd go back to sleep, sometimes he would cry. I'd just cuddle him until he settled and then we'd wait for 6 together (I gave up on insisting he sleep again when he started closing his eyes for about 2 seconds to pretend to sleep). I'd only feed him if he was calm though, never crying.

I based what I did very loosely on the dr jay gordon thing www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp, but never went to the final stage of just patting him. My sister who also had a bad sleeper did, though, and it worked for her.

gosh that was very long

Thanks Captainkarvol and ib for sharing your experiences. I started to cry hearing about the lo watching and waiting silently for half an hour - that is so so heartbreaking.
Last night we took ds into bed just after midnight and had a pretty horrendous night. Maybe putting him on his own mattress and me getting in it could work at some point - its a nice idea.
Egypt, it must be hard trying to make improvements when you have another one to put to bed. ds doesnt fall asleep until 8pm or a bit later unfortunately, but its hard to get him to an earlier daysleep - he doesn't want to sleep before 2pm usually!
I think I am still going to try the WI/WO and will report here! If that doesn't work, something more gentle still I guess...