Confused and desperate over what to do about 7 month old's sleep - help

[PiperG]

I am sitting here typing as my 7 month old DS cries upstairs. I have been doing controlled crying, started last Sunday, which seemed to work very well for a few days and he began to do 5 hour stretches which he had never really done before. After a few days though he reverted to crying for absolutely ages and would not settle and I would give in and feed him or rock him to sleep. Now I feel as if I have got in a total mess as I know I am not being consistent. He woke up this evening at 9.30 and I have been in and out since then, building up the amount of time I wait to 5 mins. Now though I am leaving it for 10 cos I am feeling so frustrated and confused and I just don't know what to do!

I can't bear leaving him to cry but at the same time I feel that some fairly drastic measures are required in order to get him to sleep. He is breastfed, and up to 6 weeks ago or so I always fed him whenever he woke at night - then began to wean him off feeds and getting him to sleep again by rocking/patting instead, but as that took so long and was not always successful (still waking every 2 hours too) I decided I had to go down the controlled crying route. I am so desperate for sleep! I have not really had more than 3 hours sleep in a row since he was born and have a 2 year old as well. But I feel like I am making a mess of the controlled crying and not being strict enough and think now I am going to have to try something else. Help! Pick up put down just doesn't really seem like an option as I am so tired that I can't face doing that for hours all night, but maybe I'm going to have to try it. What a mess ... any advice would be so appreciated, I am at the end of my tether.

My honest opinion is that if CC was going to work it would have worked within 4 nights, with each night getting slowly better with less crying. I'm not against controlled crying but equally, I do believe that settling themselves to sleep is a developmental milestone which he will reach in his own time. At 7 months he is probably just not ready to be going to sleep on his own yet. He will sleep through eventually (how many 12 year olds do you know who have to be fed to sleep??) but I know that's not much consolation to you now! I am going through the same thing with my 10 month old. He used to sleep fab for 12 hrs a night but now he's up every few hours and I have to keep putting him down and holding his hand til he is asleep, if that doesn't worth then we co sleep. It's hard but it will pass. For now I'd go with the flow and rock him back to sleep. Pehaps try CC again in a few months when he has forgotten that you gave in this time and may be developmentally ready to settle himself. Please remember (this is the only way I survive!) that he is crying because he loves you and needs you to help him. In his eyes you are the perfect human being and it always makes me feel more sympathetic twards him crying at 3am instead of angry!

sorry my typing was awful, hope you get the picture!

Im sorry I cant offer you advice (I need some myself) but you have my huge sympathy. I have a 7 months old son and going through more or less the same. It's exhausting being there for him everytime he wakes up especially when you look after another child during the day.
I agree with violetsmile that it's a developmental stage and it will come. (A ray of hope for myself and my son.) And I hope it will come SOOOOOONNNNNN!!!!!
Also, I hate reading that at 6 month there is no physiological need for a child to have a feed through the night. What about his psychological needs?
Good luck!

Thanks Violetsmile for your much needed very sensible comments! Perhaps I am expecting too much of him - he was a very colicky baby for almost 4 months and has only really been settled for a couple of months I guess. Perhaps you are right that he is not quite ready for it (and me neither - seeing as I have been caving in). When I did CC with my DD she was 10 months and it sorted out her sleep within a couple of nights - I thought it had worked with DS too but after a few nights he went back to crying for absolutely ages. I knew I would not be able to see it through if he got very very upset, so I'll have to revert to the rocking and patting which I know is better than feeding him to sleep at least. My main aim at the moment is just to get him to sleep from 11ish through till about 4, which he has done a few times (including last night, after I wrote that post, he eventually went to sleep as I patted him and slept from 12 to 4) - I feel I can cope with one feed then and then get a couple more hours kip till morning. I just wish I could get him to do that consistently - often he wakes after only 2/3 hours.

And zuzkah, it drives me nuts too, reading about how babies don't need night feeds after 6 months, and how it disrupts their sleep! As if babies are as simple creatures as that makes out ...

Hi PiperG. My DD is now 18 months old but before she was 10 months I never slept more than a few hours at a time either. We tried CC (she once cried 4 hours uninterrupted - well we did go and speak to her every 15 minutes) so that didn't work. And I was so tired that most nights, I would end up picking her up to sleep with me as I really had no energy left.
What worked for us: my mum works with paedo-psychiatrist who recommended she looked after DD for a few nights. Which she did, and in 4 nights, it was sorted. She has been sleeping full nights since 95% of the time.
When my mum took over, when DD woke up, she would go and say "Go to sleep, Mummy will be here tomorrow morning". First night she woke up 3/4 times, second 2/3 times, 3rd once.
It really worked for us.
Good luck!

That's interesting, Breizhette. I had wondered how DS would respond if DH for example went in to soothe him - there wouldnn't be the temptation of the milk for DS. Might be worth trying if it wasn't for the fact that DH is up in the night already with 2 year old DD

PiperG i was in the same postion with my 5month old son who refused to nap in the day and could only got to sleep if held. He would go down by 7.30 but wake up regularly and needed to be rocked. Someone recommended The Baby Whisperer - Sloves All Your Problems book. Dont be put off by the size of it but it has a great section on sleep using pu/pd method which I perfered to cc as you stay with them until they fall asleep. We started it last Thursday and had a bad two nights. However he now is having an hour nap in the morning and two in the afternoon. Last night he woke up twice and settled himself without me having to pat him, and tonight for the 1st time ever i left him in his cot and he fell asleep on his own in 20min! I know its early days and we will have some set backs but i cant believe the difference a weeek can make.

I think that quite often we just expect too much of babies that are still very young. If we look at other less Western cultures their babies are all sleeping in the same bed as their parents and probably in the same room as many others. They feel safe and secure and I would suspect sleep very well.