Advice on wake windows and frequent night waking in my 8 month old

[ssshlow]

need some help with wake windows/night time sleep. My 8 month old slept through the night from regaining her birth weight to 4 months old. It was pure bliss. Then 4 month regression happened and I feel like we haven't left it

I have always tried to get her bedtime routine started at 8pm. Over the months we have trial and errored earlier bedtimes and later bedtimes. On average she goes down around 9:15pm. She then wakes up anywhere between 3-6 times a night, usually every 2 hours. I breastfeed to sleep. I understand she has that association and so she is looking for the same way to fall back to sleep. She wakes up around 8:30am on average. In the daytime she mostly falls asleep being rocked if we aren't in the car

I generally go by her cues for her naps. I have tried before to follow wake windows however I end up exhausting myself trying to get her to sleep when she's perhaps not quite ready. She's really good at waking up after 30 minutes. Sometimes she'll go back to sleep for another 30-1hour. Sometimes she'll have a 2 hour nap. It's all so inconsistent and random and I can't work it out. We mainly contact nap but I have been putting her down more often lately

I'm getting anxious about going back to work and how she relies so much on getting help to sleep. I've tried drowsy but awake, this didn't work - she ends up fully waking up for another 1-2 hours. Awake in her cot sees her screaming with no come down. I am not interested in cry it out and i think the ferber method would be too overstimulating. The chair method won't work as she wouldn't stand to see me so close by

I'm struggling to know what to do. Kids are so different and I've tried a lot of what it says to do online. I have pressure from MIL about how her children used to take 2 hour naps and she'd get the housework done while my house looks like a bomb dropped. I'm struggling most with the wake ups in the night. I just want a 4-5 hour stretch. I'm not sure if this is habit, genuine hunger, sleep association or over/undertired. maybe a combination of all of it

Hi there, not sure why you don't have more replies, it's such a common problem.

I have 2 children, I breastfed them both exclusively until 13 months (and co-slept). Very different children, different issues.

I did pick up/put down method by Baby Wisperer Solves All Your Problems at around 8.5 months (2nd edition, yellow cover, you can get it 2nd hand now). It does take a lot of resolve. However as Baby Wisperer says it's one thing to cry alone and another thing to cry on someone's shoulder.
With Baby Wisperer method you put your baby down they start to cry. You wait until they become hysterical and pick them up. If they stop crying on the way to your shoulder- you picked up too soon. You calm them down on your shoulder then put them down. They start crying on the way down- you still put them down and wait for a hysterical note. Repeat.
The idea is to ignore the cries of frustration and only pick up on cries on distress. Baby Wisperer has different methods for different ages. She passed away age 54 and her book could do with a bit of revision for clarity hence my explanation.
The first time I tried it took 1.5 hours. I thought my baby would never forgive me however I had been a walking zombie for the previous 7 months so I couldn't carry on. He woke up all smiles and actually was less grumpy since we mastered this method. I think he was chronically overtired just as I was (used to wake up every hour at night). Baby Wisperer used to work as a neonatal nurse, she knows a lot about babies and young children and there are lots of good tips in her book. Ignore her breastfeeding advice, times were different, the rest of her book is excellent. Second edition with yellow cover is better. She literally saved me from a nervous breakdown. I continued to breastfeed till 13 months.
Baby Wisperer also says day and night sleep are related, overtired babies don't sleep well at night. She suggests following the baby's body language rather than the clock. Main sign of tiredness at this stage is rubbing eyes and pulling on hair if I remember correctly. This is the time to use pick up/put down technique. I vaguely remember her saying 1.5 hour naps are better than 45 minutes ones, corresponds with my experience. As I have said Baby Wisperer used to work as a paediatric nurse with babies and young children. I swear by her advice. I used her other technique with my other child- he was doing 5-6 hours at 2 months whist being exclusively breastfed and despite being a much more difficult baby to start with. She has different techniques for different ages. Ignore her breastfeeding advice, it's not good. She trained and worked at a time where there was little knowledge about benefits of breastfeeding and formula companies had free reign.

If you really can't stand the idea of letting your baby cry you can try No Cry Sleep Solutions by Elizabeth Pantley

I hope it helps