18 month old only sleep latched?!

[Lizzie1302]

Hi! Before I go further im aware this is not great hence why im wanting to do something about it
My 18 month old has always been breastfed, we've had to co sleep due to multiple night wakenings and fed back to sleep however ive noticed he will only sleep latched, when I remove the boob he screams and does not stop until hes latched again this could be multiple hours and he does not resettle. DH has started to put him to bed first night he screamed for an hour and by night 5 15 mins hes asleep in his bed, but by 11pm hes screaming for comfort. The ideal situation is ' dont breastfeed back to sleep' but were struggling as my husband works 12 hour days so cant stay with him through the night with his screaming and I work 2 times a week and look after him and my 3 year old the other days so sleep.deprivation isnt something we can tolerate.
Has anyone had similar experience or have any advice TIA

Probably obvious but is it hunger or comfort? Does he take a dummy? What’s his evening meal like? How much longer do you think you’ll breastfeed?

Sounds obvious but have you tried a dummy?

Hi thanks for responding. @Conchiglie honestly I feel we've tried everything he wont take a dummy we've tried milk bottle but he bites the teat and then spits it out
@Wallywobbles im 99.9% sure its comfort he eats really well in the day a and I stopped breastfeeding during the day 10 days ago and then husband did the bedtime routine 6 days ago so we've virtually stopped its just tackling these night wakenings. It sounds dramatic but I honestly think if I was to not feed him in rhe day hed be up all night I dont think hed give in

YOU’RE his dummy, I’m afraid. So he is used to sleeping with a dummy, and it will be breaking that habit which is the challenge. He WILL eventually sleep; it will just be hard to push through the crying to get there. If he won’t swap your boob for a dummy, it will be hard—I won’t lie. I BF both of mine until 13 months and I promise you he doesn’t need the milk. It’s just a comfort/dummy thing.

There’s nothing ‘not great’ about feeding your baby to asleep, so please don’t feel you have to apologise. This is absolutely biologically normal, and you’re giving him a great start in life. It’s still hard, though! Many babies will wake if the nipple is removed as soon as they’ve fallen asleep, but for most it’s possible to do it once they’ve entered the deeper phase of sleep - watch for when his hands unfurl out of fists and then it’s usually safe to try.

FWIW, the ‘using you as a dummy’ line is nonsense - babies use soothers as a substitute breast, not the other way around. You’re not doing anything wrong.

@PTown do you have any tips on how to change the habit? Im not good at leaving him to cry plus my other son is in the room next to him so he also wakes him
@AppropriateAdult thankyou they are very kind words. I was never able to BF my other son due to PND so its meant a lot to breastfeed now I wanted to achieve 12 months and now were at 18! I do think its time to stop though as he doesn't drink the milk I can tell hes just using for comfort. I often stay awake at night to ensure he goes in to a deep sleep but sometimes this is 1hr -2hrs and still he wakes instantly. Im at a loss of what to do i wouldn't mind if it was just feeding to sleep but im up all night in pain from latching. Im out of ideas of what to try

I don’t know…if he won’t take a dummy, I think the only way is to maybe have your DH try to comfort him? I don’t think it will be easy, but he will eventually tire out and fall asleep. I don’t see an easy way out if this, unfortunately. ☹️ I would advise on agreeing when you’ll do it, and pushing through—no point in starting and stopping, and going backwards and forwards.

The only way it worked for us was DH going in. And looking at schedule, for mine whose 20 months we never let her nap more than 1 hour. Since doing that she sleeps through. I still BF after dinner.

@Peonies12 did it take you a long time!?
Ive thought about naps but to be honest he naps around 12-1 so doesn't seem like his sleep pressure is low. Although I know its not for hunger I might try give him a bigger meal at tea and see if that helps too.
When i try to put him to sleep he screams for hours on end but with DH hes asleep in 10 mins which makes me think it will only work with him but dH doesn't want to do it on work days due to early starts etc so dont know how much that will impact progress. Just want the quickest fix as its unsustainable