I really need some help - we're going backwards with 11mo DS who's becoming a horror!

[oysterpots]

DS used to be a reasonably good sleeper, well, he'd go off to sleep alright. We'd put him in the cot, give him a dummy, he'd roll over and babble a bit but then he'd go off ok. He slept through til 7.30pm-7am from about 8 months. He'd go off for 45 minute naps two or three times a day.

Things have changed big time. At the moment I have to cuddle him to sleep for naps, and sometimes for bedtime. It never used to be like this! Not really sure what
went wrong or what has changed.

Anyway, would you mind sharing your nap routines with me? I think I'll have to do something more to let him know it's nap time. At the moment I wait until he's yawned a couple of times, has a glazed look and/or starts fussing. Then I take him upstairs and I recite the same rhyme
on the way up (Each Peach Pear Plum, if you want to know), then I change his nappy, put him into his grobag, give him a dummy, start the little lullaby toy thing and leave the room. He used to roll over, snuffle a bit and then just go off to sleep. Now he cries, does press ups, chucks his dummy out and then screams until I come back. If I try
to stroke his back he reaches round with his little hand and grabs my wrist, a bit like at the end of a serial killer film when the protagonist thinks they've killed the baddie but they haven't! So then I get him out, sit down with him and cuddle him, perhaps with a bit of gentle rocking and/or shushing, until he's nearly asleep and then put
him in the cot. If I attempt to put him in too soon he twigs what's going on, starts crying and I'm back to square one. We also had to do this twice in the night last night, once at 4.15 when he woke up babbling and ready to start the day

I forgot to add that, as he's been waking after 45 minutes (which apparently is a natural break in their sleep patterns), I've been creeping in after he's been down for 40 minutes and if he stirs I've been stroking/cuddling him till he goes back to sleep - this is was the No Cry Sleep Solution book recommends to extend naps. I'm quite worried that it means he won't be able to get back to sleep himself though. Maybe he's feeling a bit coldy and cross at the moment though, as he slept for 2 and a
half hours on Friday afternoon (with only one intervention from me) so he can't be that bad at staying asleep!

I do find myself thinking absolutely awful thoughts when I'm wrangling with him and trying to get him to nod off. The other day I thought I was going to smother him... I feel wretched admitting this to you and it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Please don't think badly of me.

Any tips?? I don't want to do controlled crying. I'm thinking of going cold turkey on the dummies and/or trying to encourage a comforter. Help me please, I think I'm going out of my mind!

Hello oysterpots,
I'm sure you know that as they get older babies don't need as much sleep. Is it worth all that hard work for 45 minutes? This could also be why he sometimes wakes up early. Believe me, I've experienced that longing for peace, but if the 'routine' thing is causing so much stress, why persevere? You've probably guessed I'm from a different school than you - I'll take an easy life thanks. I hope this doesn't come across as a lecture; don't feel pressure from outside to do what other people think is 'normal' - enjoy this short precious time. I always told myself my kids must be super intelligent not to need the 18 hours' sleep a day other people claimed theirs had.

My 11mo DS2 has always been a nightmare to get to sleep (has only slept through the night once/possibly twice EVER)

I co-slept with him at night until this week and tried to pop him in the buggy and go for a walk for naps in the day. The sleep deprivation was so bad I have felt really low at times.

We seem to have made a breakthrough this week by moving him into his cot in DS1's room. He wakes at around 10.30pm and settles himself and wakes again around 2am when DH and I take it in turns to sit with him until he goes back off to sleep (I just lie on the floor with my head on a cushion with my hand through the cot bar).

The daytime naps seem to have improved as the night sleep has.

Before he would bf at 10.30pm and then almost continuously throughout the night as we co-slept, to resettle himself.

Also, maybe don't get him out of bed when he grabs you. I have found just holding DS2's hands and stroking his head calms him down so he can get off to sleep (it does sometimes take 15mins) but usually no tears this way, and no rocking/feeding him to sleep.

Hi there
Don't feel bad for your thoughts, we've all had them when you just desperately want some peace and quiet. It sounds like you have done really well so far to have a child that has slept through the night at all, so don't despair now.
Mine have recently started being very bad sleepers (at 12 months) which has coincided with learning to crawl and basically just wanting to do that all the time, even in the cot. Is he crawling yet?
I try and make sure they are really tired first (crawling round in the garden seems to do it!) before putting them down for a nap. But some days they just don't want to sleep - no idea why! So then I just have to run with it and put them to bed a little earlier in the evening or something. Trying to get a baby to sleep that doesn't want to sleep is something I find so horridly stressful that I'd rather skip the sleep and be with a tired baby. They do seem to go through phases of sleeping badly and then have a few catch up days, so sometimes I just have to accept that (and I love my routines, so this is quite hard for me .... but not as hard as the endless rocking and stroking which makes me SO stressed!).

Good luck.