Help me come up with a plan for tonight! (Long - sorry!)

[susiemj]

I really don't know what I'm doing any more!

My DD1 is nearly 6 months old. She is very alert and active. She is breast fed (although we give her warmed milk for her last feed in a bottle - It's a hangover form an earlier problem and she just likes it. )Until recently she has been what I consider to be a good sleeper. She used to have 3 naps in the day (45 mins; 90mins; 45 mins) and to sleep from about 9pm to 3.30, wake, feed and sleep till about 6, come into bed with me and feed / doze until 7/7.30.

She's very used to being handled and rocked or bf to sleep. She has no idea how to fall asleep on her own.

Last Sunday she got ill. She had a urinary tract infection and spent Monday in hospital. The infection didn't seem to upset her very much. She was still very bright and lively. But she started to refuse to sleep on her own at all. She spent about a week waking every 20-40 minutes and I took her into bed with me. I think she wanted comfort and that's fine with me for a while.

We have been swaddling her since birth because she's so active with her arms but wanted to stop this. So we decided to stop wrapping her as she was sleeping so badly anyway. She seeemed to do pretty well with this. Certainly no worse than her other disturbed nights.

Three nights ago she started going back to waking twice in the night. She still refused to go back to sleep on her own after her first sleep so she came into bed with me. I thought that maybe her moses basket was too uncomfortable for her. She has been sleeping in it since birth (she was a small baby and still fits in it). So we decided to put her big cot up next to our bed where her basket had been. Which led to total fear (although she was happy in it yesterday), screaming and her coming into bed with me for the whole night after two hours of trying various ways to help her sleep.

Now, I know we've introduced her to two new things which seemed like a good idea but might not have been. And I know she's been ill. But I would like

1)not to go back to the basket or the swaddling now we're started

2. Not to sleep wth her as I hardly sleep at all.

My question is: where should I go next?

I thought we were doing great with our improvisatory approach to parenting, but now I'm just not sure how to go forward. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

oh - and she just could not get to sleep right now for her nap without the swaddling, so I've already messed that one up

I have put her down in her cot though.

Susie bumping for you could do with some help too

Cheers Lily! - Let's hope all the people who know the answers are still curled up in bed!

Susie

Just a thought but maybe your trying to tackle too many things at once.
If she likes the swaddling i would stick with that until she get's used to the cot. I agree r/e the co sleeping. I am happy to do it for couple of hours in the morning but don't sleep as well so need dd to stay in her own bed at night.
I think we are at a major growth spurt time at the min.
Des she go in the cot in the day ? Can you not swaddle her and put her down awake as i think that's key to teaching her to be able to self settle.
FWIW dd can get herself to sleep no problem and is fine with her cot but we still getting up every tow hours in the night and having a bf before going back down!

I'm not sure about the cot during the day. She only slept for 10 mins this morning

too for you at 2 hours. Been there!

Where did she sleep this morning ?

how about instead of proper full body swaddling you just swaddle her tummy leg area leave her arms free then you are gradully reducing the swaddle.

It is definitely an adjustment for them learning to sleep in a cot compared to moses basket. That just takes time.

Am not sure about hte feeding to sleep thing is it poss that she can smell your milk and thats what is causing the frequent waking. Could your DP/H do night-times for a few days and see what happens as she might not necessarily be hungry.

could you put her in the moses basket, in the cot iykwim? Maybe that would get her used to being in the cot with the security of the moses basket.
I swaddled dd with her arms free from 5/6 months and it worked really well for us.

Lily - in the cot. We've just been to the shops and she slept on me in the sling. She woke up as soon as we crossed the door!

LuXander. I did think of that before but didn't do it for some reason. I might give it a go.

Jam - unfortunately, she refuses to have anything to do with my DH at night. I'm thinking of getting him to sleep on the side next to her though. I don't think she is hungry. I don't think she's really feeding most of the time. It's just comfort.

Do you know how to get the baby used to the cot?

I think the idea of putting the moses basket inside is a good idea but eventually you are still going to have to do the swap. Put her in the cot at a time when you know she is happy and not ready to nap read her a story put her favourite toys in there so she begins to associate the cot with nice things. Change her nappy in there. Personally I think its just a case of getting her used to a different environment.

I'm letting her play in there today and hoping she'll get used to it.

.

Hi susie, maybe try putting a t-shirt you've been wearing in the cot with her, for comfort. What about distracting her with a mobile? Using a grobag with her arms inside as a halfway-type swaddle? My dd sucks for comfort but never got the hang of a dummy, but loves to suck on her scratch mitts - maybe a muslin cloth could do the same for yours? Hmmm, can't think of anything else, but HTH. Sypathies on the sleeplessness, I know its utterly exhausting - hang in there, 'it will pass'

Hi there, i put DD in the moses basket in the cot IYSWIM for a while, then moved her into her own cot. It does take time for them to get used to the cot, i am afraid. I would definately put her in the cot during the day, perhaps leave her in there when you have a shower so she gets used to it.

I do think you should teach her how to fall asleep on her own, do you really want to be rocking a 1 or 2 year old to sleep. Prepare yourself that it can take 4 to 6 weeks for a bedtime routine to work, if you don't have one already. I guess you can either try CC or slow withdrawl from her to teach her how to go to sleep on her won.

I also agree with Fragolina, tie a knot in a muslin and place it next to her, why not wear it during the day so it smells of you - i think someone else said that too.

FWIW it took us 6 weeks to get LO to go down on her own with us out of the room - it can be done, you just have to commit yourself to a plan of action and follow through.

Susie - I got DD used to the cot the same way these ladies are suggesting. I put her in for her to play around and she wouldn't sleep properly for the first couple of nights (new surroundings) but she got used to it.

If you don't want to swaddle, don't. Although I do agree it would be better to handle one thing at a time.

Also - Try something my HV suggested to me. At her age your DD should be ok to go from 7ish - 6ish without a feed. So if she wakes in the night, don't pick her up just talk to her and stroke her and see if she'll fall back to sleep that way. Then when she wakes up next (either that night or the next) don't stroke her but talk to her, the next time you don't talk but just look at her, next time don't look at her. Next time you back the chair away and everytime after that you keep moving further away.

I tried this with DD and she has never woken in the night since (until the last couple of nights which i'm sure is cos DP's home)

Give her alsorts of safe cot things for her to play with/suck on/cuddle.
DD has a winnie the pooh which she "kills" everytime she sees it.