14 month old waking on cot transfer and refusing bedtime

[CherryLane90]

Hi all - just hoping someone can offer advise or suggestions? Our 14 month old son (nearly 15m) has generally been a decent sleeper, minus regressions or illness.

Weve probably created a rod for our own back as we’ve always done his last bottle feed and then let him fall asleep on us before transitioning into his cot. He’s been in his own room for about 5 months now, no issues.

For about the last week now, whenever we get up to put him into his cot he’s waking. As soon as we lie him down in his cot he’s wide awake, screaming and crying. This goes on and on and on.

The only way we can get any sleep is to bring him in with us. Appreciate this works for some families, but it’s not something we want to do long term.

On days when he’s at home, he’s generally still having 2 naps totalling around 2/2.5hrs. At nursery, he’ll have 1 nap that can be from 40mins to 1hr40 (he then has cat nap in car on the way home - 15/20mins max). Bedtime is about 8.30pm and wake up is usually around 7/7.30am.

Is gentle sleep training our best option? We were hoping it might be the extreme heat (UK), but I think more likely it’s something else. Bedtimes are just becoming awful.

Thank you for any advice

Yes, you need to sleep train. It will be tough, there will be crying, but it will work.
You sound very sensible and don’t want this long term. Short term pain - long term gain for everyone.

Having him in your bed doesn't have to be forever. We had my eldest in with a parent for a few months here and there and after that developmental phase causing the wakes passed, he was fine back in his room. Never went to a cot though - much easier to have him in a toddler bed from 18m as you can lie on it to cuddle to sleep or hold hands sitting beside. When you think about humans as mammals, it's bizarre that it's become normal to imprison our babies behind cot bars out of reach of the physical comfort animals give their babies.
We had a double mattress on the floor of baby's room and took turns sharing with him, that way the other parent could enjoy their night off without a toddler taking up half the bed.

I would:
go to one nap after lunch
do the bottle feed then brush teeth (really important to brush teeth before bed!)
take him to his room and cuddle/rock until drowsy and then put down in cot and pat/rock in the cot
if he gets really upset, pick him up and rock/cuddle until calm but put him down before he falls asleep
repeat as necessary

I'd move to 1 nap of max 1.5 hours. stop the car cat nap on the way home.
get a floor bed so you lie with him rather than holding him, then no transfer required! also you can join him there if necessary rather than bring him to your bed.
you don't need to sleep train, he needs to be more tired at bedtime.
I'd also move the bottle after dinner, and brush teeth after - at that age they should go to bed with clean teeth ideally.

You haven’t given them chance to self soothe, you need to transition to straight to the cot, it’ll be a rough few weeks. Good luck.