Split nights for the parent

[CynicalSunni]

My 3 month old has pretty much started to fall asleep in his bassinet at nights.

My husband brings him up at 11pm he wakes for a feed at 2am and again at about 4am then sleeps until around 6am. Though sometimes he decides he wants one at 11pm.

Issue is I am awake from his first feed and cannot get back to sleep. I only turn over again at 5am. I think my body had become used to being up from 11am until 5am as he didnt sleep in the bassinet and only on me for the first couple of months. 5am was when my husband took over again.

I had been going to bed at 7pm but now I am pushing it later so my husband and i get an evening together. At the minute i go to to bed at about 2030 asleep by 9pm. But seem stuck on a split night.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get back to sleep? Or is this just a time thing?

I think it's only three months, your body is still healing, breast feeding can be draining for some women, sleep/wake/sleep/wake zaps energy (body & mind) and you need to sleep when you can and prioritize your self care. Maybe plan a specific evening to sit up with your partner as long as you are doing well and not pushing yourself. Too many underestimate the demands and tolls of new parenthood. 💐🩷

You could try implementing a mini bedtime routine for yourself again after the first feed, eg even just brushing your teeth again which might remind your body that it’s time to sleep with the familiar taste etc. Or it could be putting some nice magnesium hand cream on, or reading a book for a few mins. Just something to end the wake and signal that it’s time to sleep again.
We have a similar thing going on at the minute and it’s so hard. Sometimes I can’t get back to sleep either and it drives me crazy knowing I’m ‘wasting’ precious sleep time but I do know that the stressing only makes it worse. If your LO is 3 months now then hopefully these night wakings might merge into 1 soon.

What are you doing when he wakes for a feed? Are you breastfeeding?

I am terrible at getting back to sleep, but DH can fall back to sleep literally instantly, so for night feeds he would get up, check DC nappy, bring to me to feed in bed (fall instantly back to sleep while they fed) and then I’d wake him up to recheck nappy, and settle the baby down again.
This helped me get back to sleep because I didn’t have to get up at all. And made no difference to him really because he was straight back to sleep.

Maybe i could try something like that. Can you recommend a boring book? 🤣 i am likely to read on if its good.
So hard not to think what time it is and its so frustrating just lying there not sleeping. Finding it harder now too as its much lighter now in the mornings.

Initially i was watching ER downstairs to stay awake. We found we both worked better with a solid block of sleeping time rather than us both getting up.

Now i sit in bed and feed cause he latches maybe 20 / 30 mins and then he is back in his bassinet. Am trying not too look at my phone and keeping light low. So i am up with him for 40 mins including nappy change. But then I am just 'on'

Yeah it’s a difficult stage for sure. I’m not a great sleeper so would be up for ages every time too. This does pass so hopefully you’ll be into the next phase soon.

my husband and I split the nights almost in half. I’d feed and go to bed at 8, he’d give a bottle around 11 and go to bed for midnight. I’d get up for the next feed - and often be up for the day from then as I’d fail at falling back asleep. But we’d each get a solid 5-6 hours most nights and that was okay for us (my husband works a desk job though so isn’t dangerous if he’s tired)

We do the same basically, though i i would prefer to be able to sleep and jist get up with everyone else.

Means i get some one on one time with toddler without homding the baby

I did side lying breastfeeding so I barely had to move when baby needed a feed. Usually then coslept just me and her on a double mattress. Nappy change before feed as quick as possible.
The 'nothing much happens' podcast is very effective for me. are you doing exercise? mine would only nap whilst walking so I think that helped me sleep well at night!