When did your baby start sleeping longer in their own cot?

[Ag00se]

I'm looking for some reassurance that I'm not going to be co-sleeping for ever! I mean, realistically I know he's not going to be 16 and still sleeping in bed with me, but realistically when might he sleeps for longer than a few minutes in his own bed??

Baby is 29 weeks old. He's never been a great sleeper and out of sheer desperation we started co-sleeping around 10 weeks. By around 16 weeks, but we used to get through first stretch in the cot but now we don't even manage more than 20 mins. Even co-sleeping isn't getting me that much sleep, we generally wake every 45-60 minutes. He doesn't want feeding more than twice a night, sometimes he's just stirring and it wakes me up, other times he just wants to comfort latch for a few minutes.

After 29 weeks of very little sleep (actually more, because I barely slept from around week 30 of pregnancy) I'm feeling a bit hysterical. I'm back to work in around a month and I don't know if I'm going to survive! I think he's outgrown his next to me cot now and I'm not sure if his big cot will fit in our room. Our bed is a high divan bed and although the side does safely come off his cot bed, I'm not sure we could attach it safely. Floor beds/new beds are out of the question because we don't have the money to buy new when we have already bought his nursery furnishings before he was born (why did nobody tell us some babies don't sleep in a cot?!)

I think I'm just after some reassurance that this does get better! Also, any advice or real life experiences much appreciated.

29 weeks is about 6/7 months? If he’s waking so often, it could be a sleep pressure issue. If he’s undertired at bedtime then he’ll be more wakeful in the night, and often undertired babies will sleep being held or latched or next to you where it’s snuggly enough to drop off but they can’t on their own because they’re just not tired enough to sleep without the extra comfort?

I know you said you don’t have the money to buy new, but we have an Ikea Sniglar which we’ve attached to our bed, and they’re cheap and common so you might be able to find one for a good price on marketplace. We strapped it to our bed with ratchet straps and used a rolled up towel on the far end to push the cot mattress again ours so there’s no gap. We were lucky that the mattress height matched but if that’s the issue with your cot bed, could furniture risers work?

We did sleep training at 6 months - Ferber method - highly recommend the book. Won’t do any harm to read it even you think you could never do it. Best parenting decision we ever made.

We had 1 night with 20 minutes of crying (in total, with comforting every few minutes… not 20 minutes crying in one go). 10 mins crying the second night. And peaceful nights sleep thereafter, just 2 feeds and then 1 feed at 8 months, then sleeping all night.

My DS used to cry far more before sleep training because he’d wake up between every sleep cycle upset because he was so tired.

I feel like it's very common knowledge that many babies don't sleep in a cot. We didn't buy any furniture or set up a nursery until baby moved in there about 8 months. You don't need a fancy floor bed, just get a single mattress with some slats underneath. or adjust the bigger cot to be against your bed. I'd also look at his schedule, it sounds like he isn't tired enough for the night - what's his usual wake/naps/bedtime? Might need less day sleep and/or later bedtime.

@Peonies12 we are first time parents and none of our friends/family have had babies recently so we definitely didn't know it was so likely (or even possible) that our baby wouldn't sleep in a cot!

@toastofthetown thank you, I'll take a look at the IKEA cot and also the possibility of furniture risers as our bed is high.

@NorthFacingGardener thank you, we will give the book a try. I'm not sure how I feel about sleep training but I suppose I can't expect miracles if I don't try something different.

Thanks everyone - so we are baby led with our timings but our schedule is roughly:
7.30am wake up and feed
8am get up and have breakfast
8.30-10 playtime
10.15 feed/pat to sleep for contact nap (sometimes half an hour, sometimes an hour and a half)
After nap playtime and lunch
Usually a walk to town after lunch
Pram nap on the way home (usually half an hour maximum)
Playtime
Dinner
7pm Bath four nights a week
7.15 Pyjamas, baby massage, story, feed, pat
7.30-8pm Usually goes to sleep being held by me. 50/50 whether he stays asleep when I lie him down on the mattress or wakes up crying.
Sometimes we add in little bridge nap for 15-20 mins if the time between afternoon nap wake up and bedtime is too long. We work on 2.5-3hr wake windows before offering a nap.
He is breastfed on demand too, so whenever he is hungry/niggly I offer milk but he doesn't go to sleep unless it's 3ish hours since he last woke up.

Interested for your feedback on our routine. I really appreciate the input - thanks everyone!

So sometimes he only has 2 x 30 mins naps a day? That seems low for 6 months although TBF mine was having 3 x 30 min naps a day at that age. At around that age we worked on settling at bedtime in the cot rather than holding to sleep first, have you tried that? We used the 'pick up put down' method. You don't have to go to extreme lengths like Ferber. We only did it at bedtime, overnight I fed back to sleep. I do think it made a difference that baby fell asleep in the cot rather than being held. If the baby isn't wanting feeds very often, could you split the night with your partner so you can get a block of sleep each?

@Peonies12 yep, especially when my husband takes him for his first nap, he generally only sleeps for around 30-45 mins. With me it's usually an hour to an hour and a half. I agree that 2 x 30 mins naps doesn't seem enough, but I'm not sure how to fit more in. I do wonder if it might be cortisol spikes/overtiredness causing some of our issues.

It's a bit tricky with my husband, because of his work, for the first 5.5 months, it was solely me doing overnights so baby refuses to settle for my husband after bedtime. Believe me, we've tried for weeks recently and it just ends up with everyone being tired and grumpy.

We have tried settling him to sleep on the bed rather than holding him, and in a month of trying, it's worked twice. I think I would consider the pick up put down method, my husband has been suggesting it for a little while but I've always been reluctant because him crying makes my nervous system hurt. Plus when my husband was working a lot, I was solo parenting for 20 hours a day, 5 days a week (and the two days off weren't consecutive) so it felt really hard. Might be worth reconsidering again now though.

12 weeks
9 months
6 months

6 weeks,
and only ever managed 2 hours sleep in 24 hours until they were 5 then it upped to 4hrs (confirmed -ADHD at 2 years)