Toddler sleep issues. help we're both exhausted.

[davidtennantsmistress]

I've had just about all I can take of this now - I really have. XH took DS to see XPIL at the start of may, & he's not been right since he came back. did post on it a few weeks back, & things seemed to improve, however we now have 1 or 2 things.

1. dead to the world at 7pm exhausted as he doesn't nap during the day, but comes into my bed about midnight - for the last 10 days or so i've been allowing him to remain there instead of putting him back in his own bed - naughty yes however at least i'm having so sleep - all be it v broken thou, (he's a big fidget bottom)

or 2) he doesn't sleep well by night has a nap during the day and then won't sleep until 9.30pm or later he gets hysterical every time I try to leave him in this bed, (have now converted it from his cot bed to a bed).

He used to be a dream going to be and would go 12 hours straight around no matter when he went to bed - as I explained to xh - lord only knows what happened up there, but DS is a nightmare child with sleep now.

I'm exhausted, I honestly can't take any more of this - was so bad last week I rang mum at half one to come and settle him (yet another 2 hour screaming fit)

he's not over hot, etc, a part of me thinks he's just being 2, another part thinks he's a little gremlin, then there's the he's trying o express his independance (whilst I don't have too many strict rules in my house sleep time is one of them as we're both grumps without our sleep!) He can be tucked in really tight or really loose the answer's always the same he comes into my bed and stays there. He's very clingy at the minute - I had thought that he'd of settled back down by now form coming home.

I'm not a fan at all of cc, we did follow the BW PUPD method for him, I tried getting into his bed of a night time but it just made him worse when I went to leave again - and tbh the last time I did it it was past 5am by the time we both got back to sleep .

What can be done? i'm sure it's not too light - there's something waking him up at random times. I change his bottom when I go to bed so it's fresh - uses twice as many but seems to have little effect. Have tried rewarding him when he stops in his bed all night (only had 2 nights in 6 weeks) nothing works, but his tantrums are getting worse.

Oh goodness, I'm a terrible lurker but couldn't not respond to this. You sound so exhausted, huge sympathy from me.

Exactly how old is he, he sounds nearer 2 than 3? And when did you change his cot to a bed, it sounds like sometime recently?

I don't know your circumstances, but i think some time away from mummy with daddy and GPs could be so much more unsettling than you would imagine. All so exciting, and change, and no routine no doubt....so perhaps coming come, back to routine, and a change in sleeping place is too much? Plus a few nice snuggly nights in mummy's bed? Thanks very much!

If he's nearer 2 than 3 then I'm guessing talking to him won't be much help. My eldest is 3 in Sept and I know I could now tell him that he's not allowed to get out of bed, he tells me every night he's not allowed out of bed 'because mummy be cross'..(evil mummy!) ...but a few months ago his language wouldn't have allowewed him to understand that.

Would it be worth him going back in his cot untll he's settled? I know that will seem like a backward step, but he needs to learn that his bed is for sleeping in. I can't imagine CC working with a toddler.

Sorry, I don't think I'm helping, but I wanted to suggest something.

Poor you x

thanks spud, any response is good he's er, let me think now 2.5months, he's got the speech, and the understanding to know bed means bed (not to blow ones own trumpet but in that respect he's very sharp) i'm not so sure if he has issues with his emotions/how to handle them?? (althou one would assume 2.5months was a little young) anyhow,

the cot - tbh, I took the sides off as the night mum came to settle him, after I went to the edge very nearly over and back again, he was screaming to her 'get out' 'get out' and as he could climb out the decision was made that it's safer for him to have just the bed - for the minute there's no bed guard there either - and can honestly say i've not once heard him fall out.

I was wondering about the whole bed thing - during the day he'll play in his room (I have a bungalow so he wanders about freely) he'll lay on his bed but he won't go to sleep in it. maybe that's part of the prob? he seems to have issues about his bed - it's the same one he's had since he was 4 months old thou.

Jist of it is, I split up with xh last sept, we came home for 5 weeks then went back to our old house, then moved here in january (he had just settled back down again) of course he went away as you say not much of a routien there I don't think - XH had said he let DS go asleep when he liked as 'it was easier than a fight' which I really copped the needle about.

I've tried reading storys to him - he just think's it's a game. He has enough attention during the day (plenty of 1 on 1) have even gone back to the skin to skin & baths together so he has the security there.

I think its the age tbh....my DS has just turned two and he's gone from going happily in his cot and settling himself to sleep to full on tantrums with headbanging

I think they just become aware that outside of the cot/bed is more interesting and they don't want to go to bed! The tactic I've tried is just sitting in the room with him..not really interacting but just being there and then when he lies down and goes quiet, I say good boy and then he holds his little hand out and I do the night garden rhyme and make little circles - just like they do on the programme. That does seem to work, but again its different things for different children.

I think he's probably had his routine disrupted by his stay away and now just trying his luck at staying up.

Have you tried putting him for a nap earlier in the day and limiting the time he naps for? If DS starts his nap any later than midday, he's very difficult to get to bed in the evening and if he misses it completely, he's very overtired and just as bad. So, perhaps a time controlled nap earlier in the day would be worth a try?

yep have tried that - from either 20 mins, 10 mins, the afternoons are a def no now - mornings he's usually too awake to want to go to sleep - so whilst he's tired in the afternoon - I don't want him to sleep at all.

I had considered the idea of instead of laying down in bed with him, sitting on the end of his bed reading his story. he seems to think it's a joke. I suspect it's his age & he's pushing his luck - & to an extent I am to blame as i'm tired so he's getting away with more than usual.

The blinking OU course is suffering as well as when DS goes to bed at half nine the last thing I want to do is get my text books out

jsut don't know what to try next tbh - maybe that's a part of the prob i'm trying too many diff things? perhaps next week I should go back to the old skool on his little bottom, (ie my top on his teddy for comfort, in the house from 4pm, our dinner promptly at 5pm, his bath at 6pm sharp, then bottle and bed at 7pm sharp?)

I would start skipping the naps - maybe having a quiet time around nap-time isntead, with a bit of telly or a bottle and cuddle for 30 mins?

Then putting to bed with hardcore routine ending with sleep at 7.

I would stay with him if he wants you to - anything to get him to sleep at 7

I don't worry too much about night-time wakings - I either settle my 2 year old in her room (well DH does TBH) or she comes in to my bed, I don't mind really

My DS intially thought it was funny that I was sat by the cot and would throw his binky (comfort cloth thing) and dummy out then giggle and expect me to give it back. Sometimes he peers through the cot bars, giggling and seeing boo mummy! I give in sometimes and we have had a few lovely little peek a boo games and giggles but then I gently remind him its time for bed...its more about consistency really.

I think going back to the routine that worked before is a very good idea as it does sound from what you have said that he likes his routine?

What OU course are you doing btw?

Sounds like a good plan. If in doubt revert to basics, plus make a plan (pretty much any plan!) any stick to it. So get home for 4, tea t 5, bath at 6, bed at 7.

If his language is good then I'd try gearing him up for it. I have a 15mth old who is much more tuned in to what's going on than I ever thought my 2 year old could manage at the same age. So tell him from tea time, we're going to have our tea, and aftewards we're going to have some quite time, and then we're going to have a bath. Right now we're having our bath and afterwards we're going to put PJs on and have a cuddle and books, right now out of the bath let's put PJs on and have booke and then bed etc etc.

Then nice quiet time, perhaps stay in the room if you think he needs that etc. My 2 year old really tries it on with 'cuddles' etc, but I've found if I say 'one more minute of cuddles then mummy is saying night night and going downstairs and isn't coming back until the morning' works.

So he sounds like he's smart with his languge so perhaps that's the way to tackle it? When I put my 2yr old in a bed, recently, I told him he wasn't allowed out of his bed as mummy would be cross and he's never got out. I dn't think he realises he CAN get out.

He sounds like he's had a lot of change in the last few months, as have you. What a tough time for everyone.

x

refresher maths one - thank god it's challenging me again but it's not too hard I can't cope, lord knows what will happen in september thou when I start the next level (foundation degree stage) if he's still like this.

He is a boy who likes his routine yes - very much so always has been actually. He's very good at other things, is turning into a real little comic in his own way - happy with other kids, touch wood we're getting past the 'not sharing stage' I think consistency will be the key thou and me getting 'hard' with him.

mp - that was our old system yes no naps but 'quiet cuddle time - usually around half 3 ish before I got dinner under way on occasions he would drop off others he wouldn't - so we've been having a walk in the afternoon or painting etc to keep him occupied. I keep being told the coming into my bed will stop when he's ready - althou XH was very quick to throw back at me 'what when he's 5 or 6' his other responce of 'well he's not normally like this' didn't go down very well at all either as I said 'how the hell would you know you see him for 4 nights a month and don't bother talking to him for the rest of the time

that sounds like a good plan spud - I was thinking actually of trying to get him to understand a sticker chat (he has a real thing for fireman sam and stickers at the mo) and giving him a sticker etc for being good. failing that I wasn't sure if it was the dark or something - so did ponder one of those Thomas night light lamp things which is a torch as well - are they any good?

Oooh - my sister is a maths teacher....I have respect for anyone maths orientated..good on you!

I think routine sounds the key and to warn XH to keep to that routine when he goes to stay with him. I've found that toddlers do like consistency - when we take DS to my mums, I try to keep as much as possible to the same routine as we have here so that he isn't disrupted too much.

As for what your XH says - he sounds a twat and tell him to fark off!

PS

We have a plug in night light for DS - he doesn't like the door shut when he's drifting off and likes a bit of light coming in - stops him getting upset if he wakes at night too as its not totally dark

I've also found that pottering around upstairs while he's settling can help as they like knowing someone is around iyswim?

I did choos! didn't go down very well, but I don't care - bout time I earnt a back bone with him! lol.

DS stays here when XH comes down, & now stay here on friday nights but go out first thing sat am and come back lunch time on sunday - I used to go out fridays as well, but that seems to have upset DS more.

the plan is to be a maths teacher actually - seniors school age for my sins, just hope I can manage the course, plus run the house, plus keep ds on the straight & narrow lol - 2.5 and already he's going to have a night time noise pollution asbo!

yes i've noticed that actually, althou we're in a bungalow, i've been locking his gate (to keep him contained basically) until he learnt how to climb over it, so now I leave it open which he seems to prefer - doesn't like the door shut either when drifting off. hmm.. who'd be a mother eh??

Its hard work! DS is attempting to climb out of his cot now so had to buy a bed today....why didn't I have mumsnet when I was PG and would have done the sensible thing and bought a cot bed??!!!

lol. ah you live and learn! where i'd be without MN over the last 4.5 years god only knows!

Your nick name is making me as my sis likes David Tennant too....maybe its a Maths thing or something to do with the size of his Tardis.....

ooh er mrs! hey you're not my SIL is disguise are you?? I told her about MN a few weeks back when her LO was due. not sure if she's here yet or not.

Nope. Only have one SIL and she lives in the Middle East!

I recommend Mnet to people though too...doesn't always get the response I'd like though...sometimes its a cat's arse mouth and a pointed 'oh' as if they are thinking oh feck, I'm already on it and she will discover that I have to wear tena lady pants to my alpha mummy yoga class.....

lmao! I don't care really tbh, I don't say anything here I wouldn't in RL. and know a few posters in RL as well (tori32/shoshable) lovely ladies btw. so not so bothered about the whole 'keeping up appearances' image! lol.

anyhow i've had my hour of me time, so will retire to bed, and await the inevitable DS coming in. alas I have concluded thou I can handle the sleeping in with me - tbh I quite like it - would like it more if he wasn't so much of a fidget bum thou!) but will suffer that, if he'll sleep nicely at 7 - so will go back to the old ways with him and fingers crossed it will do the trick!

Fingers x'd for a good night and do let us know how you get on with the routine? Don't despair over it - just think of my DS, head banging cot bars as if he's at a rock concert and high on crack....

lol@ choos - don't worry that's a phase, DS did it as well.

well he went down easy today, after no nap and a trip out the the gala/fun day locally - he got a turn in the fire engine so was well chuffed - coupled with a real 'big boys' fair ground ride (the little one with about 5 cars on which goes around like a merri go round) he was dead to the world by 6.55! thank god! ran into me at about half 8 thou, I picked him up he clinged onto me thou, am wondering if it's possibly night terrors? anyhow he went straight back in - either that or sleep walking perhaps? not sure, just can't help thinking there's something on his little mind at the minute?

oh he came into bed with me last night as well, was slightly worried as usually I wake up and pull him up on the bed/pull the cover over, but I came around at 6am ish to find him snuggled into me on top of the covers - was slightly worried that I hadn't come around/noticed him & what could have happened if i'd suffocated him or something? will leave a blanket out tonight for him to have over the top of him if he comes in.

Wow, it's like you live in an identical parallel universe to me! Reading through thread and everything your DS does/has done is identical to my DS... Mine is 2.10 though-fully aware of his actions, stubborn as a mule with a softy for a mum who can't bear to hear to hear/see him unhappy.
Some nights, depending on how knackered i am, which is usually VERY after the battle of bedtime, i'm almost lying there twiddling my thumbs waiting for him to come into our bed! What a life! I only pray it's a phase. Keep telling myself I can't imagine him doing it when he's 8 or something, but you never know. Only prob is there's even less room in our bed due to DH-who is often relegated to spare room making for interesting hissed arguments and swearing at each other at stupid o'clock. x
Oh and these light nights/mornings can get lost as well.