Sleep training help

[Chibbsie]

We have a 16 month old who has mainly co slept with me (mum) since about 4 months. Since September she just randomly slept through the night in her cot one night and has been a great sleeper since however, about 3 weeks ago we’ve gone right back to square one.

She’s waking every single night and screaming until I get her, she seems to be fine because the second she gets in bed with me she stops crying and quickly falls asleep.

She’s on one nap a day usually about an hour at lunch time. She’s usually up for the day at 6am and bedtime is around 7pm. I say this but I’ve noticed days where we have just had house days and she’s slept great but other days where we’ve been busy and you’d think ‘oh she’ll sleep tonight!’ And she sleeps terrible.

My partner wants to sleep train and I can’t really refuse because we’re getting a terrible sleep and so is she, we’re exhausted during the day and I feel like she’s not getting the best of us. I do think if I go near her room it’ll make her worse and I’m scared Ferber/chair method doesn’t work because we’ll just trigger her more by going into her room but CIO/extinction seems so tough and I feel like the worst mother in the world for letting her cry

Any help/tips/advice would really be appreciated!!

I’m assuming you’ve tried settling her in her cot? Mine would need a book and maybe some milk at that age, not ideal but if it’s only once a night it’s not too bad….. I guess it’s hard if she sees your bed as an option. I don’t think you need to do cry it out or anything, but just consistently resettling in her cot until she realises you’re not bringing her in with you.

i do know lots of people who co sleep happily until much older - is this definitely not an option for you? Or a floor bed for her in your room?

This sounds like it could be separation anxiety. I think it would be worth trying the chair method, does she settle with you in the room or if you touch her or hold her?

I’ve tried the chair method last year, it seemed worse that I was there but not picking her up, even holding her hand etc she just seemed to scream louder

It’s not so much that it’s not an option, I have loved co sleeping and being so close to her which is how she probably felt as well but I’m 23 weeks pregnant and struggling with being tired and getting up and down and I just feel pressure to have her sleeping in her own cot before baby number 2 arrives

My first child was like this so I empathise. I had to hold her or feed her to settle her back down, my presence didn’t help (whereas with my second my presence is enough).

I think in your situation I would gradually lessen the contact. For the next week pick up at every wake up to resettle, and when you put down keep hand on chest / back…then move to strokes /song / ssshh for a few days or more and just gradually lessen.

I think the fact she’s totally fine as soon as you pick her up shows she’s “okay”.

best of luck as it must be hard doing this at 23w pregnant

I had this with my youngest, what I did was move him into a normal twin bed, then when he woke in the night I would lay down next to him until he fell asleep. Gradually over time (weeks) I would reduce how long I was in there until he could settle. He now (mostly) stays in his bed, unless he has a bad dream then he come into our bed for a cuddle, we set a timer and he knows when the timer goes off he has to go back. (He is three now so timers work well).
alternative we did try and it worked for a bit (until he got poorly and only mummy would do) was daddy would go and resettle.

Of course you can refuse to sleep train. It’s your decision. I’d get a floor bed instead of cot; then you or your partner can just go and sleep with her there. Perfectly normal for a tiny child to need comfort overnight. Prob best for your partner to cosleep rather than you, in preparation for new baby. It’s very common for children to have disrupted sleep when they get a new sibling anyway so be ready for that.