How do I fix the sleep chaos I have created…

[Justalittlebitblondie]

I have a lovely, inquisitive (just turned) two year old but we have one huge issue - sleep…

He has always struggled to go to sleep since a baby and now he will nap if in the car/in the pushchair/occasionally on me…

At night is the real issue - we have a good base routine - bath, teeth, story but then he needs milk to go to sleep and will only sleep in our bed. We have reached the point where we want our bed back.

If we try any form of putting to bed in his own bed and then leaving he will cry hysterically until he vomits…

Any suggestions really welcomed - I just don’t know what to do

Does he have his own bed in his own room? Mine hated cots around that age. Getting a low double bed, and lying with them to sleep was a game changer.

I agree a double floor / Montessori bed if it will fit is a game changer. The sleep always happens in their room, but you get to extract yourself and go back to your own bed (at least for some of the night). We had a similar situation as we coslept from an early age. Every parent is different but for me keeping trauma and tears out of bedtime was a high priority.

Definitely recommend a floor bed as others said. Has really helped my 18 month old. We always lie with her til she's asleep, then can leave. I was joining her for the second half of the night but usually she sleeps through now.
Maybe he doesn't need a nap anymore? I know kids younger than 2 who don't nap. You haven't created chaos or done anything wrong though!
If by milk you mean bottle, I'd be working away from that as a priority as it's not great dentally.

This is what worked for us for two children. For the first couple of weeks stay all night.

Two week holiday from work and 14 nights straight return to his bed every time. If he is sick clean it up back into bed. Do not give up.

Solidarity. We spent months ( like 18 months) cuddling our toddler to sleep in her bed and then sneaking out. In the last month, we have been able to cuddle and then say “I’ll come check on you in a bit” and leaving. If we see her get out of bed we go in, cuddle, repeat. I’d say we’re up to 4/7 nights her going to sleep by herself. She’s 2.5. Now we have a six month old firmly in our bed!

Let him sleep in your bed and you get a new bed 😂

We have just been through this with DS 18m. We stopped letting him have milk on our bed then transferring him. Instead DS had milk in his cot in his room whilst we read a story then we said good night and sat on the floor no talking until he fell asleep, did this for 3 nights. Then same again but we sat in the doorway x 3 nights then the last 2 we have left him straight away and it has been ok no tears so far. ChT GPT gave is the plan.

If he’s getting so worked up he’s vomiting, I’d avoid leaving him to cry it out and instead try a gentler, gradual shift, like sitting next to his bed while he falls asleep, then slowly moving further away over days, so he still feels secure but isn’t relying on your bed or milk. You could also start reducing the milk bit by bit or moving it earlier in the routine so it’s not the final sleep cue. It’ll take patience and some rough nights, but consistency is key, and he can learn to settle in his own space without that level of distress.

It doesn’t need to be a floor bed, a 2YO will be fine in a normal bed with a guard and honestly I wouldn’t waste my money on something short lived for the nursery years but I 100% agree with everyone saying get a double for a his room and settle him to sleep in there. Then once you’ve got that down you can perhaps think about doing gradual retreat.

This is how it worked for us:

18 months-ish- moved a double mattress into her bedroom where we all slept.
2 years- after story, breastfed, lay down with her in her own bed until she fell asleep, then left. She would wake up and crawl in with us around 3am, breastfeed, then go back to sleep.
3 years- stopped BF, but she would still wake and crawl in for a cuddle.
3.5ish- slept through the night for the first time
4 years- slept through consistently
5 years- started to put on a meditation and projector, tuck in and then leave- at first she would often call us back or need more soothing before we left.
6 years (now) - we read her story, put on meditation, give her a kiss and leave.

OP do not possibly let you child vomit. This is cruel and there are so many gentler options that will work.

Wtf is wrong with some people!?

Don't leave your child to cry until they vomit without comfort that's abuse!

Don’t really have any advice but I’m just here to say my 21 month old is an awful sleeper. Still has a bottle of milk before bed and has only slept through the night less than 5 times. Wakes on average twice a night still. I haven’t had a full nights sleep in over two years.

However I am fully considering moving him into a double bed. He’s not tried to climb out of his cot at all yet, but he is a big boy and I think he would feel more comfortable in a bed with more room. I also love the idea of being able to lie with him if needs be. We did the same for my daughter at 2.5 and it was the best thing we did, but she’s always been a brilliant sleeper anyway. But a double bed is a game changer, especially when they are poorly and they need you with them.

Some people really hate their kids. Did they not know that there was the option to not have them if they were going to find treating them like human beings such a bother?