Twins will not nap in the day

[breakfastdinnerandtea]

I’m at the end of my rope here. My 6 month old twin boys just will not nap in the day unless they’re in the pram (on a bumpy road, not round the supermarket) or in the car. The minute the movement stops they’re awake so no leaving them in the pushchair to sleep. They’re tired all the time and making every day miserable.

I don’t have any time to do anything because I’m constantly entertaining them and honestly, I’m burnt out with it all. I barely have time to make myself food (it’s usually a sandwich that takes around 10 mins because I have to run back and forth to try and stop them crying). I don’t have time to do the washing or tidy (please don’t tell me that can wait. I know it can, but I need clean clothes eventually. Currently the washing is being done with a lot of crying in the background, it takes me ages while I try and calm them). I can only shower when DH is home but they don’t settle well for him so I have to listen to them cry when I do. Weaning is so hard because they’re always tired so the minute I put them in the high chair they cry because they’re tired and won’t try any food.

Today I've tried doing the bedtime routine (dark room, twinkly lights, singing or white noise) in the middle of the day hoping they’d doze off. It took half an hour but one of them fell asleep (one didn’t) and then when I left the room with twin2 the dog barked and woke up twin1.

I’m at a loss. My older children never had a problem with napping so I have no idea what I’m doing wrong. The boys have never really napped in the day. They’ll fight it so hard all the time, they pull their dummies out deliberately (or it feels deliberate anyway!) in an effort to stay awake. “Wake windows” feel like a joke. I’d have loved to baby wear but it’s not possible with two babies (a twin carrier is way out of my budget).

Im not even sure what I want from this post. A vent? Advice? I don’t know, but I’m struggling so bad.

I feel your pain. In all honesty I would make myself a sandwich (I know it takes a while with them getting upset), grab a drink and go for a drive. Fuck petrol prices, it's worth a 1.5 hour drive in peace with napping kids.

Mine were the same. Every nap was in the car or pram until they had just turned one. It was a fucking pain in the arse so you have my sympathy but clearly I have no advice!

Hi, I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling. My twins are now 16, but reading your post has taken me right back to the first few months which were hellish.

My 2 would tag team and I had very little sleep for the first few months. It got to the point where I felt I would either do something to myself or them. Things had to change.

The thing that really helped me was getting the twins onto a really strict routine, and I mean really strict. I always thought I would do baby led things, but in reality, with twins it was impossible.

My friend gave me a book called the baby whisperer (or something like that) by a woman called Tracey something.
Following her routine saved me. It was E A S Y i.e. Eat, Activity, Sleep You.

The general premise was always to put the child down to sleep when they were awake, and not to rock etc. The reason being that they would associate rocking with sleeping and it would be harder for them to settle themselves without the crutch of being rocked, or fed to sleep.

It was very hard to start with.I would have to keep them awake after a feed for ‘activity’ time and then put them down to sleep. For the first few weeks I had to pat their backs for them to drop off and gradually reduced the patting time. There was quite a bit of crying at this stage. Eventually I was able to put them into their cots and leave the room.

Initially they would only sleep for 20-30 minutes, but at about 9 months it was if a switch had been flicked and they started having proper naps.

I kept the same rigid routine every day (the nap timings altered as they got older and went to one nap). I really think the routine helped them, it certainly helped me.

It was such a horrible time, but it did get better and it will for you. Can you have some time away from them, as in going out for lunch or something? I know you say that they don’t settle as well when they’re with their dad, but if you are not there you won’t hear them.

I remember when I had visitors, they would offer to do housework etc when what I really wanted them to do was to take the twins from me and entertain them so I could do something normal like doing a load of washing!

Thank you all. Your replies have made me feel less alone.

I would go for a long drive but often when the car stops (say traffic lights or a junction) they’ll wake up, dummy out, then they’ll cry. I’ve driven half an hour before with them screaming the whole time.

The tag teaming is insane. Literally as one stops crying the other starts. When I finally get one to sleep I’m so on edge that the other sleeps too, because the minute they cry the other will wake. Honestly, I was ready to put the dog in the oven for tea this evening when she barked and woke him up!
The boys do sleep at night, so I’ve always said I can’t complain… Or they did, when we coslept. We put them in their own cot two nights ago so they’ve been waking at 12am and 4am. I struggle to get back to sleep myself so once I’m up I might be awake until 3am and then being woken again at 4am, so I think I’m possibly a bit more cranky than usual. I think we might end up back to cosleeping with twin2 who is a bit more clingy.

The boys are EBF so not much scope for me going out without them. They won’t take a bottle. Definitely want someone to entertain them for me! DH keeps saying “don’t worry, I’ll do that, you watch the boys” which is lovely of him, he’d take on 100% of everything if I’d let him. I just don’t want him to! I want to clean things my way! Cleaning the bathroom would be a better break than watching the boys while they’re tired, cranky, and not sleeping, instead of me walking into the bathroom and seeing bits of dirt that should have been wiped and weren’t! 😂

Have you tried a rockit on the pram to keep them asleep?

Can you try putting them down in different rooms to nap so they don’t keep
disturbing each other/ probably playing.

I would like to try one before I buy because it’s a lot of money to try something that mightn’t work or be strong enough to rock our massive double pram.
We saw the jitterbug in boots the other day and it was no where near strong enough to wiggle the pram.

Yes I could try this. They sleep in the same cot at the moment so the other is in the nursery at the moment so one could go in there. We have a monitor with two cameras so no worries about that either

I lived and died by an extremely strict routine with my twins too. I am really not that sort of person usually but the routine saved my sanity. It will be hard at first while you work out what it is and how to do it but honestly it did make life more survivable during that time!

The way I would start it is to wake them up at the same time each morning, both of them. Then go from there. Mine didn’t really take to solids until about 8 or 9 months. Wake them up at the same time and fill them with milk then see where the day takes you. If you watch them very closely you’ll start to see the signs they are ready to sleep (I noticed this with my twins in a way I never bothered to or needed to with my other kids) I used infant to toddler rockers for mine and rocked them to sleep with my feet (I had calves of steel doing that!)

Good luck. It really can be a shit show when it’s rough with twins, very hard work. Even with my strict routine I still found it tough x

Seconding the suggestion of a rockit! It’s guaranteed to get our little one off to sleep, they’re brilliant! Also, you say a twin sling is out of budget, but have you looked at hiring one? Vinted might also be an option? I often pop my little one in a high chair or seat to watch me while I’m doing stuff like sorting washing - would they tolerate that while awake so you can get a few bits done or grab 5 mins for a coffee?

Also, please don’t compare housework and suchlike to any singleton parents - twins are a different game entirely!

Try Vinted or Facebook marketplace for the Rockit - there’s a few on Vinted for £10-15 at the moment. Ours was secondhand (from family members with twins) and it easily rocked their double pram and our very heavy single :)

You’re doing nothing wrong. Being a mum is SO hard. I feel tired all the time too so I get that. It’s so hard when you also have the elder kids. Can they help entertain the boys a little or are they small too? You sound like you’re doing a great job. I’m sorry I can’t offer any advice. Just encouragement and reassurance that you’re a super woman!

My older children can watch the boys as they are teens, but I’m so wary of parentifying them I don’t often accept their help. They do offer though, they’re great kids.
I’m going to look for a Rockit. I have £50 on my boots card and there’s 15% off so it won’t actually cost me anything.

I’d definitely recommend a Rokit. Mine only napped in pram, car or contact til she was over 12 months. Wake them both at the same time in the morning as well. Bear in mind they could have different sleep needs to each other as well.

We got our Rockit on Vinted! Worth a look maybe but if not you can always sell yours down the line to recoup some of the money x

This takes me back … twins are hard. I’ve never been so tired in my life. Mine are 25 now but it still remember it so clearly.

They were laughing the other day when I told them I used to fantasise about being hit by a car and spending a couple of nights in hospital on my own …. or stealing something and having a night in a cell 🤣

Hope it improves OP

There's loads on vinted if that helps?

I sympathise op although I don't have twins, my dd was impossible with naps too. She also woke up the instant the pram paused moving - even waiting to cross the road, I'd have to pace forwards and backwards with it. If in the car, I used to stop a few metres before a red traffic light and then inch forward in tiny jolts until it went green. It was that bad.

What helped me was 1. Eating my own lunch at the drive-thru mcdonalds, again inching forward in jolts in the queue and 2. Eating outside in cafes or pub gardens, constantly pushing the pram back and forth while I ate with the other hand. It was expensive tbh but it was the only way I could eat!

With the cleaning and housework, I put her (awake) in the bouncer or jumperoo to watch me and just constantly sang and danced and babbled at her while I did it.

She used to nap for less than 30min total a day (across 2-3 short naps) even as a newborn because it was so impossible to keep her asleep. Stopped napping around 15mo. Even now as a 5yo she sleeps not much more than an adult. Some kids just have low sleep needs.

I had one (at time- 2 kids) like this so feel your pain, especially with twins.
Luckily I liked walking and could afford help in the house. Is a cleaner an option? Or sending clothes to be washed.

What time do they wake up and how do you time their naps?

I have been there with the babies who wouldn't nap except moving thing. My advice fwiw is -

Do the pram walking naps for now - this will help get them onto a nap schedule and break the overtired cycle and make them and therefore you happier. Conceptualise it as you time - stick in some headphones and listen to a podcast or music or phone a friend for a chat.

After a few weeks, you might be able to move to walking them to sleep and then leaving them outside in the pram - we did this in all weather (rain cover in the snow even!) but our set up was helpful, enclosed back garden and would pop the pram just outside the patio door so could see them

Get the teens involved in walking them down for their naps if they are willing

Washing - get your DH to do it

Food - try and prep more than one meal at a time, have leftovers for lunch you can just shove in the microwave

Ask online for a twin carrier - your local Facebook or WhatsApp groups may have someone looking to pass one one. Twin mums are very supportive of each other in my experience

Any scope to hire someone locally to help out with the babies for a couple of hours a day? It is a lot harder with twins so don't feel bad

Are you a member of TAMBA? They were a good source of help for me.
The other thing I have just thought of is to get in touch with Norland or local colleges who will have child care students who will want to get experience with twins.
My friends daughter trained at Norland and they had placements with families with twins (unpaid). Might be worth a try?

You can double up normal carriers, one front, one back. It will knacker your back fairly quickly, but might be with a try! Otherwise take it in turns: 1 wails, and one (theoretically) sleeps in the carrier.