Kids should fall asleep alone

Potatomashed · 2026-04-11T14:13:49+00:00

Expecting baby 3 this autumn and wondering about logistics of bedtimes… Both DD1 and DD2 (age 5.5 and 2.5) co-slept and breastfed to sleep until aged 2. Now both sleep in their own rooms in double beds, so we have continued to PJ-story-lay with them to sleep but this only works with 2 adults at bedtime, or occasionally sleeping together in one bed with one adult or a staggered bedtime very occasionally. If you were physically with your kids to fall asleep, how did you help them to transition to bedtime alone? I know this would be much easier if we had used a cot from early on but it never felt right at the time! Any recommendations for books for them about falling asleep independently?

Pugglywuggly · 11/04/2026 16:26

We never had a cot, we had floor beds from the start and bedshared. Our kids are 4 and 2. I would put them in the same room so you can settle them with one adult if needed, but so they also have company. I only put mine together (previously did the same as you) because we were redecorating. I thought it would be a bloody nightmare but they both slept so well and don't disturb each other. We do stories, cuddles and I used to stay until they were asleep (sat on the floor between them holding their hands) and then I progressed to saying I was just going to get a drink and then I'd be back. Initially this stage wakes them up again, but as long as you always come back they start to relax at you leaving and then you can gradually extend how long it takes you until they are asleep when you return.

Pugglywuggly · 11/04/2026 16:27

To add, we now do stories and then hand holds for about five mins and then I say I'll check them in a little bit and night night. And they go to sleep by themselves in their shared room.

Shallotsaresmallonions · 11/04/2026 16:28

I second the first poster. Put them in the same room and make it really fun by decorating with them!

LazyCatLtd · 11/04/2026 16:28

Get them used to it early. I used to swaddle mine and just rub their back or pat them gently in a darkened room then quietly leave when they were asleep. No talking , no interaction .

rightoguvnor · 11/04/2026 16:31

I wasn’t particularly exercised about this as I used to enjoy a little power nap with them and then get up again about 9ish, also I never particularly worried about who slept where as long as sleep was had.
But when I got to the point where it was an issue, I used to put the ironing board up on the landing and tell them I was just going to get this done. They fell asleep to the sound of the steam iron! Then we graduated to a job downstairs and so forth. They could either hear me, or ‘knew’ I’d be coming back.

1990sMum · 11/04/2026 16:53

Pugglywuggly · 11/04/2026 16:27

To add, we now do stories and then hand holds for about five mins and then I say I'll check them in a little bit and night night. And they go to sleep by themselves in their shared room.

I did this. My dd was about 7

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 11/04/2026 16:56

I've just had a memory of my youngest (who shared a room with her two older sisters, one four years older and the other six years older), who, if she woke in the night, just used to get into bed with one of her sisters...

GawjussPreMadonna · 11/04/2026 17:32

We have 6yo, 3yo and 7mo

We used a co-sleeper crib in our room from newborn but realistically they all slept primarily in our bed to start with.

When we started putting them in the cot in their room then they'd feed to sleep or occasionally just be cuddled to sleep then put into the cot once asleep (although youngest is an absolute nightmare to put down asleep 🙃). At each wake they're either fed back to sleep and put back in the cot or else brought into our bed and fed to sleep.

From about 18/24 months we'd start getting them to fall asleep in the cot, mostly holding their hand until asleep.

Once that's going well consistently then we'd start leaving them briefly whilst they're trying to fall asleep, e.g. "I'm just going to the toilet" then come back. They quickly learn to trust that you are coming back so you can then start leaving them a bit longer. I sometimes said I was going downstairs for a bit and would bring up their water bottle and leave it beside the bed if they're asleep, so then if they wake later they can see the water bottle and know you've been back.

Now we can just say goodnight to them, shut the door and they fall asleep themselves. Occasionally one will come back downstairs but mostly not. Obviously not including 7mo!

Original poster

Potatomashed · 11/04/2026 18:44

GawjussPreMadonna · 11/04/2026 17:32

We have 6yo, 3yo and 7mo

We used a co-sleeper crib in our room from newborn but realistically they all slept primarily in our bed to start with.

When we started putting them in the cot in their room then they'd feed to sleep or occasionally just be cuddled to sleep then put into the cot once asleep (although youngest is an absolute nightmare to put down asleep 🙃). At each wake they're either fed back to sleep and put back in the cot or else brought into our bed and fed to sleep.

From about 18/24 months we'd start getting them to fall asleep in the cot, mostly holding their hand until asleep.

Once that's going well consistently then we'd start leaving them briefly whilst they're trying to fall asleep, e.g. "I'm just going to the toilet" then come back. They quickly learn to trust that you are coming back so you can then start leaving them a bit longer. I sometimes said I was going downstairs for a bit and would bring up their water bottle and leave it beside the bed if they're asleep, so then if they wake later they can see the water bottle and know you've been back.

Now we can just say goodnight to them, shut the door and they fall asleep themselves. Occasionally one will come back downstairs but mostly not. Obviously not including 7mo!

Wow this is the dream! I think this time around we will prioritise a routine more like this when they are over a year- it’s so easy to just co-sleep and feed to sleep when you’re knackered. Which was great for attachment and stuff but I can see the challenges it’s given us now and I would like the flexibility!

OP posts:

GawjussPreMadonna · 11/04/2026 19:11

Potatomashed · 11/04/2026 18:44

Wow this is the dream! I think this time around we will prioritise a routine more like this when they are over a year- it’s so easy to just co-sleep and feed to sleep when you’re knackered. Which was great for attachment and stuff but I can see the challenges it’s given us now and I would like the flexibility!

Show quote history

100% agree sometimes you just need to do whatever it takes to get some sleep! We had never planned or anticipated co-sleeping but when oldest hit the 4 month sleep regression I literally couldn't keep my eyes open. The first time he slept through after that he was 18mo and I had a massive panic in the morning when he wasn't next to me in bed and I had visions of him suffocated at the bottom of the duvet or something but he was still sound asleep in his cot 🙈

I think you just have to find what works for you and your family and just go with it. Sometimes you get good advice from people and it's really helpful, other times you just smile and nod and completely ignore what they've said! The difficulty often is knowing the difference 🙃

Peonies12 · 11/04/2026 20:29

I’d get them sharing a room so you can get them asleep together. I saw an idea on instagram where you say youll leave but youll return within xx minutes and you’ll bring a teddy to them, and if not asleep then, you repeat. Mine is 18 months and I lie with her in her floor bed, no plans to change but we only have 1 child so it’s not an issue!

SquirrelBlue · 11/04/2026 20:39

GawjussPreMadonna · 11/04/2026 17:32

We have 6yo, 3yo and 7mo

We used a co-sleeper crib in our room from newborn but realistically they all slept primarily in our bed to start with.

When we started putting them in the cot in their room then they'd feed to sleep or occasionally just be cuddled to sleep then put into the cot once asleep (although youngest is an absolute nightmare to put down asleep 🙃). At each wake they're either fed back to sleep and put back in the cot or else brought into our bed and fed to sleep.

From about 18/24 months we'd start getting them to fall asleep in the cot, mostly holding their hand until asleep.

Once that's going well consistently then we'd start leaving them briefly whilst they're trying to fall asleep, e.g. "I'm just going to the toilet" then come back. They quickly learn to trust that you are coming back so you can then start leaving them a bit longer. I sometimes said I was going downstairs for a bit and would bring up their water bottle and leave it beside the bed if they're asleep, so then if they wake later they can see the water bottle and know you've been back.

Now we can just say goodnight to them, shut the door and they fall asleep themselves. Occasionally one will come back downstairs but mostly not. Obviously not including 7mo!

Sorry to jump in on the thread. But how did you go from feeding to sleep to just holding their hand in the cot? My twins are 18 months and have always fed to sleep. I've started feeding to sleep in their room and transitioning them to their cots asleep but they scream blue murder if I try to get them to lie down in their cots awake.

Good luck potatomashed. I hope the transitions go well for you all. Like you said, when you're knackered, co sleeping and feeding to sleep feels like a much easier option. It's hard to shift it though!

Mischance · 12/04/2026 14:04

They are old enough to sleep without you now. Cuddle, song, story, kiss then out you go ....

IdaGlossop · 12/04/2026 14:13

We distinguished between going to bed and going to sleep. From being about one and a half, DD had a book in her cot. We did: reading downstairs, upstairs, clean teeth, into bed, numerous lullabies, night-night, kiss-kiss, leave tge toom, door open. She always fell asleep by herself and we never had yo go back into the room.

GawjussPreMadonna · 12/04/2026 14:51

SquirrelBlue · 11/04/2026 20:39

Sorry to jump in on the thread. But how did you go from feeding to sleep to just holding their hand in the cot? My twins are 18 months and have always fed to sleep. I've started feeding to sleep in their room and transitioning them to their cots asleep but they scream blue murder if I try to get them to lie down in their cots awake.

Good luck potatomashed. I hope the transitions go well for you all. Like you said, when you're knackered, co sleeping and feeding to sleep feels like a much easier option. It's hard to shift it though!

Show quote history

Honestly, I don't 100% remember, we were making it up as we went along 🙈

We waited until they were old enough to understand and explained that they needed to stay in the cot but that we would stay with them until they fell asleep. We cuddled and comforted in the cot, sang songs, etc. There was a fair bit of crying to start with, we avoided taking them out of the cot as much as possible, just leaned in to comfort them. Oldest responded well to being given a set number of cuddles, so we'd tell him he could come out of the cot 3 times for a cuddle and remind him how many he had left each time, then after a while we reduced it to 2 then 1 then none. We made exceptions if they were really upset, like screaming rather than normal crying, but overall they got used to it reasonably quickly.