Anyone else coping with severe toddler sleep deprivation and frequent night waking?

[BastetBaby]

I'm not looking for advice - just solidarity!

My DD is a terrible sleeper. From 6 months to about 2 years old she woke every hour. After turning 2 she thankfully started waking only 2-3 times. Except when she's poorly - then it's every half hour.

I feel like unless you've been through this, you just don't understand how unbelievably awful it is. Everyone has been tired, but 'tired' doesn't even begin to cover it. The sleep deprivation is overwhelming. Like... I feel like we should get compensation from the government!

Yes me! 18mo DS has yet to sleep through the night. Love him to bits but I spend my days exhausted while working FT. It’s grim. Sending solidarity

Could have written this word for word!

Yes. 2.5 and I can count on one hand the number of times she’s slept through the night.

What actually is it that’s waking them?!?!? She snores so is it something to do with that? I was considering a GP appointment but I’ve put it off because our GP is spectacularly shit and what do I say: my toddler doesn’t sleep well?

It's so hard isn't it! Every time I've brought it up with a HV they've just shrugged.

It's good to rule out health reasons for the frequent wakes and the fact that your DD snores would make me want to investigate. But chances are, we'll never find out the reason. Could be a different reason each night! I think some children are just poor sleepers!

Mine was like this but luckily has turned a corner at 18 months. I don't know if you're wanting tips, I'm sure you've tried everything, but a floor bed I can share with her, and really restricting the length of her nap has made a big difference.

Ah OP, yes this was me - my DD didn't sleep through until she turned 3 (she's still 3 now so a recent development) so I have absolutely no answers for you. Her worst period through the years was waking every 30 mins, best was waking just twice a night.

She randomly just started sleeping better one night and now she's usually OK, don't know what changed...but now I am pregnant 😶 So about to start it all again.

Also to add, she does sleep right next to me in her cot bed with the side off, on risers to make it the same height as our bed, I think this has helped as she can reach over and touch me.

Moving her bed shortly though so expecting her not to sleep through when that happens as she will want to get in with us if she wakes.

Congratulations littlespecklefrog! And good luck! I've heard second babies often sleep better! 🤞

I'm confident DD will just sort it out in her own time. I think most children do. But it's hell while it's going on!

And yes peonies12 floor bed has helped a lot!
We don't cap her naps only because she's SO incredibly grumpy when we do. But she's starting to drop her last nap anyway and she does tend to sleep a bit better on no-nap days.

@Peonies12 how has a floor bed helped? We have moved from bedsharing to a floor bed. But I must be doing it wrong because the amount of wake ups seems to be the same!

Before:

I would nurse to sleep in the evening and then baby would contact nap until DH and I went to bed, at which point he would bedshare with us.

Now:

DH settles him to sleep then lies him in the floor bed. He will wake fairly frequently in the evening, either I will go up to feed him or more recently we’re trialling DH going up to settle him.

Then at my bedtime I will bedshare with him in his floor bed. Again he wakes at various points between 23:30-06:30 to nurse.

My SIL sleeps with her 2 and a half year old. She regularly tells me he wakes her up up to 12 times a night. And yells “mum” in her ear. I can only think it’s because she’s a loving mother that she puts up with it. And very soon she’s trying to put him in with his older brother when that bedroom is redecorated (currently in progress).

Can I join the sleep deprived club too? My almost 3 year has slept through the night maybe 5 times in her life and of course for every one of those nights I woke up a dozen times wondering why she hadnt 🤨

If she closes her eyes for even 5 minutes in the car she will be awake until 10pm or later. She sleeps in a toddler bed but doesn't ever get out of it just sits shouting/screaming mama I need you until I go in to her. She screams louder if daddy goes in there so it falls to me every time.

Just functioning through the day as a somewhat pleasant and positive person having been woken up multiple times every night is incredibly difficult.

Solidarity to everyone else enduring this torture

Solidarity!

Mine will also get more upset if her dad tries to comfort her instead of me.

And you're so right about the effort to be nice! Some days I literally just want to shout at everyone (for no reason) and it's so draining to contain it.

God I really hope so, we are all in the same bedroom so could be a nightmare if the baby is anything like DD was, and then I will have a non-napping 3yo to handle all day afterwards too!

DD co-slept with me as it was the only way I could get any sleep, otherwise she would wake constantly, so I'm concerned how that will work safety-wise if the new baby needs the same and DD wants to crawl in with us too.

I'd say co-sleeping was the only way I got any sleep, it didn't hugely improve DD's sleep really but it did mean that I wasn't constantly up and down.

Mine only started sleeping properly once all the teeth were through so no pain, and no needing soothing from drinks in the middle of the night. Before that it was hell.

I guess I can’t entirely credit the floor bed, maybe it’s just her age. But we now have her fall asleep in the bed rather than held and put into the cot. Wakes that frequent suggest yours might need less day sleep and / or later bedtime? Thr less day sleep mine has, the better her nights.

Look up the need for enough ‘sleep pressure’ to sleep long stints at night. Our sleep pressure is like a tank that’s filling up during the day while we’re awake. If we nap the pressure goes down. A bit like if we parents napped in the day (if only!) we could probably easily stay up an extra couple of hours before bedtime. We need enough sleep pressure to go asleep and stay asleep (in lots of cases).

If your little one still naps wake them after 60 min. They will be cranky but try and stick with it. Do it for 7 days solid and see what happens.

DD is 2.4 and still wakes at least once a night. I will say things HAVE improved and we were in the waking every hour brigade until a couple of months ago.

Lots of physical exercise ideally outdoors has been the key for us. She has dropped the nap entirely now I’m like a drill sergeant trying to ensure she doesn’t nod off during the day as that’ll mean a 9.30/10pm bedtime.

She still falls asleep while feeding. It’s a struggle as it means I’m the only one who can get her off to sleep. If she wakes in night she won’t lie down next to me, has to be on me. But she’s in a double floor bed in her own room now so when I sneak back out I actually get quality sleep on my own.

Our challenge at the moment seems to be bad dreams. She’ll wake screaming but she’s not fully awake.

Some days I feel like, it’s not forever we’ll get past it. Others I feel like I’m barely hanging on I’m that tired. My memory is awful, and I consume way too much caffeine and sugar to get through the day.

Time outdoors helps us massively too. Sleep pressure helps a bit but capping her naps really doesn't work for us. It just makes everyone miserable. It's worked better for us to just not let her nap at all if it gets too late in the day.

I also binge sugar and caffeine! It's awful! It's wrecked my teeth. I also think the sleep deprivation has affected my immune system!

Oh yes, me!

DS was exactly the same. He’s just turned 5 and we’re on one wake up a night, sometimes two (when he’s sleeping alone).

I also have a 2,5 year old who wasn’t as bad as DS in the wake every hour until 2, then every couple of hours, etc, but still wakes around 2-3 hours a night.

And like many others, I work a demanding professional job too.

Honestly, after 5 years of this, I am truly exhausted. I fall asleep every night either when putting the DC to bed or on the sofa when watching TV with DH, which means he’s getting a bit annoyed we don’t spend time together. Sugar has got me through the days which means I am now much bigger than pre children and hate the way I look. My career isn’t developing as I’m not hitting targets. I feel like I’m just juggling a thousand plates and if I could get some good sleep, life would be a lot easier.

They have both slept very well when co sleeping, so when I’m at the so tired I just cry stage, DH and I co sleep with one DC each which is massively helpful but obviously not a long term solution.

Seeing how much DS has improved from the hourly wake ups to once or twice a night gives me up that things will be ok one day.

Just want to add we tried everything with DS1 - every suggestion on this thread and more made no difference. It was just how he was.

And agree re immune system - every now and then I get a cold that completely wipes me out. Pretty sure it’s a sign my body is exhausted.

I would recommend checking she’s not got issues with breathing - I know of a little girl who had a sleep study and had to have adenoids out.

my first was terrible. He did also get frequent colds and coughs - when tiny i was worried about his breathing. Often had to be kept upright to sleep. Later he was diagnosed with asthma - the sort that’s constant coughing, viral and smoke triggered but not allergic, never wheezed. To survive we had a mattress on the floor where I slept most of the night. I’d go in on first wake.

with second I just co slept to get more sleep. He was better all round. No asthma and I do think in hindsight my first had considerable issues.

Carbs, junk and caffeine is what got me through a few years of no sleep, I got to 20 stone because of it!

I’m just doing more reading about the hypothesis that frequent overnight wakes means they’re being put down to bed too early. I’m wondering about pushing bedtime back by 30 or 60 mins and seeing if that has any effect. Surely it has to be worth a try. Last night I was awake about six times with 18mo!