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Night Terrors in 3 yrd old

15 replies

mousemole · 17/06/2008 09:57

I posted last week about my (just) 3 yr old DS's thunder phobia which developed after our holiday in greece where we had a couple of terrible electric storms. He was getting very upset and scared going to bed at night but over the last week that has eased quite a lot. However the last couple of nights he has woken at least twice in the night screaming and cryoing out for me. last night, for the first time in 3 yrs he slept in my bed. I dont want this to become a habit as I know he would love to be in my bed but I obviously want to re-assure him and make him calm. He cant explain what is making him scared although I am assuming they are dreams. I dont know what to do ? Anyone had any experience of this ? I am shattered as also have 1 yr old who wakes at 5am each morning and DH works away all week !

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Sanguine · 17/06/2008 10:32

Ahh, poor little lad. If he is feeling anxious about stuff, it's likely that these are nightmares, as opposed to night terrors. It's pretty hard to tell the difference if he can't explain what the problem is, but nightmares originate from REM sleep and are basically vivid and frightening dreams. They can happen at pretty much any time of the night during REM sleep. Night terrors originate from deep sleep, they come without warning and are not necessarily to do with any sort of anxiety (although anxiety or change in routine etc can make them worse). The sufferer wakes up 10-45 minutes after going to sleep with a feeling of abject terror, and often will not know why. They aren't caused by dreams, but sometimes the sufferer will have some kind of hallucination of something terrifying - for me it's usually some horrible thing in my bedroom or hanging from the ceiling above me. Quite a lot of people sit bolt upright or leap out of bed, they sweat and breathe heavily, and their hearts pound really quickly. You would have to watch your DS to see what he does. If he wimpers and squirms and seems disturbed, and then starts crying for you, it's likely to be a nightmare, you can wake him up, give him a cuddle and reassure him that he's safe. If he seems to startle or suddenly sits up with his eyes wide open screaming, it's a night terror. His eyes may be open but he's probably not awake. You can cuddle him (phsyical contact helps) and repeat something reassuring over and over ("mummy's here, mummy's here, mummy's here...") until his breathing starts to calm down, his heart stops hammering and he starts to cry normally rather than screaming his head off. Then you can go into reassuring mummy mode. If the poor little chap is having night terrors, he may still feel anxious the next day (the hangover phase), and then worry about going to bed at night in case it happens again.

There's not much you can do, tbh, other than understand what's going on. You'll probably find it comes and goes in phases, it does with me. If it's nightmares, I'd keep him in his own bed. A night terror takes some getting over, so he may well benefit from a cuddle in your bed afterwards. It's a tough one to call though, like you say.

I've had both nightmares and night terrors from the age of about 3. It was always worse when something in my life changed (new house, new school, leaving home, changing the furniture round in my room...). These days it's quite rare for me to get them, and now I understand what's happening I can usually get myself out of them. It's a whole lot harder to deal with if you're only 3. Bless him.

Sanguine · 17/06/2008 10:39

Of course, being 3, there's the other thing too - that he's discovered that screaming and claiming to be scared gets him a nice cuddle. But I think that you'd want to make sure he wasn't really terrified before you made that assumption. If he is actually waking up when he previously slept peacefully, it seems unlikely he'd be attention seeking.

mousemole · 17/06/2008 16:04

Hi Sanguine, thanks for all the really useful info. Prior to the thunder incident i hve often heard hime have 'bad' dreams where he would cry out but he would then be able to settle himself. Now he seems to be fully wkaing from whatever it is and come running to get me. I feel intuitively that there is a 'fear' hangover from the thunder and that drives some of the behaviour but the middle of the night wakes up cant be premditated which implies there is some real fear/anxiety there.

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Sanguine · 18/06/2008 20:32

The fact these are happening in the middle of the night says 'nightmare' to me (as opposed to night terror, that is). Is it likely that the thunder is the first thing in his short life that has ever truly terrified him? It's probably going to take some assimilating for him, but no doubt he'll manage it on his own when he sees that mummy and daddy are still there to reassure him, and nothing bad has actually happened. Good luck!

MehgaLegs · 18/06/2008 20:41

Hi Mousemole. My DS2 is just 7 and he has had night terrors on and off over the last three years.

As Sanguine describes he appears absolutely terrified, his eyes are open but the look of total terror on his face is very distressing.

His seem to be set off by his sleep walking, which in turn seems to be set off by needing the loo. Sometimes I find him wandering the landing, muttering and crying. I gently guide him to the bathroom where he wees and then help him back to bed. Often he returns to sleep but other times he becomes more and more agitated, wailing, calling Mummy, Mummy My Mummy and holding my face. I find it very upsetting.

We ride it out, I cuddle and reaasure him until he settles and he then sleeps soundly.

They are definitely stress related ( he has a piano exam tomorrow so he may have an episode tonught).

These episodes have been less frequent lately so i hope he is growing out of it.

steph101 · 18/06/2008 21:05

Sorry to but in on this thread however can I ask a question? My dd is 2 on the 28th of this month and just the past couple of weeks she has started waking up during the night - which believe me is usual - however she has started screaming her head off. By the time i get to her (which is pretty quick)she is wide awake so i do not recognize any of the night terror symptoms - could this be the start of it? Help!!!

Sanguine · 18/06/2008 21:11

Yes, sleepwalking and night terror do often go hand in hand. Being the person having the night terror has at least spared me from having to be a bystander. It must be really terrifying, and heartbreaking, to see your little one being so frightened. My DH has become rather blase about them by now. In fact, he mostly doesn't wake up, but has developed the habit of saying "it's ok, it's alright, just a dream, it's ok..." while still asleep himself. A good skill! We had a lodger last summer though, and I woke her up well and truly one night with my blood-curdling screams .

Hobnobfanatic · 18/06/2008 21:23

Some great info here - glad to know that I'm not alone. DD has night terrors every now and then - sometimes a couple a week and then nothing for months and months, It's terrifying - but she's oblivious to them, She gets bolt upright in bed, and is desperate to get out, She walks around, eyes open, screaming.

The worst is when she's crying and when I try to comfort her, she pushes me away, screaming that she wants her mummy. She doesn't recognise me, cries for me, but can't be consoled. Really, really awful,

Then something changes in her face - it's like a 'thawing' and her open eyes seem to actually see what's around her. She stops crying and can't remember anything!

I was hoping that kids grew out of them - I hope she doesn't have them in adulthood as you do, Sanguine.

Sanguine · 18/06/2008 21:31

Hi Steph - maybe, but it's hard to tell without watching her. It's often only about half an hour after going to sleep, but not always because sleep goes in cycles in the night. They usually start around two or three, but she may well grow out of them really quickly, so don't worry too much. here is a really good page of info. The fact she can wake herself is good news as well (although you need to check she really is awake and responding to you normally. We can look and act pretty awake but still be in the grip of the thing!). It would be good if you could watch her (travel cot in your room for a night??) so that you can get a feel for the manner of her waking. If it's happening a lot, your GP might suggest a sleep clinic. Back when I was a kid, no one knew night terrors existed, but these days they can diagnose and treat all manner of sleep problems. Apparently up to 15% of children get them at some time, but most grow out of them before they hit adolescence. There's a rather uncomplimentary train of thought that in children they are fine, but if you're an adult and get them then you must have a history of abuse or be otherwise psycologically screwed up. This really isn't the case and basically shows the fact that no one really understands what causes them. For my money, they are some kind of glitch - a short circuit in my sleeping brain! HTH.

steph101 · 18/06/2008 21:36

Sanguine

Thanks for the info - i really appreciate it, i will try having her in our room and see how we go on. She is STILL awake now - all of a sudden she is surving on very little sleep!! Thanks for your help!

Sanguine · 18/06/2008 21:44

HobNob - yes, she'll probably grow out of them. It's really not common in adults . But if she does get them as an adult, she'll be able to rationalise them better. I know that some adults with night terrors really suffer, but with me, they are rare enough to not really bother me too much, and more often tan not I can rouse myself, grumble a bit, do some relaxation exercises then go back to bed.

Oh, another useful nugget about children with night terrors - being overtired is very often the trigger. Maybe they fall into phase four sleep to quickly, who knows? But it's true the terrors can sometimes be alleviated by a few early nights.

Sanguine · 18/06/2008 21:44

Ah, cross post steph! She may be in a vicious circle here.

mousemole · 19/06/2008 12:08

Thanks for further info. Night terrors are really awful aren't they. We have had a good night but then last night ( or rather 5am) we had the terrified 'MUMMMMYYYYYYYYYY' scream. I went and got him and put him in my bed and he fell asleep again. But then he had another 'epidose' which I witnessed and I think they are nightmares as opposed to terrors as he didn't open his eyes and some talking preceeded the screaming which to me suggested he was in a dream like state. I think I am not going to fight them. If he wakes up I am just going to have him in my bed because the fear of being alone will probably exacerbate them ?

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Sanguine · 20/06/2008 15:46

Isn't it lovely that as far as your DS is concerned, however scary something is, mummy can fix it. He's clearly very secure in your love. If you see him mumbling and shuffling and looking disturbed in his sleep, it's good to wake him up before he starts screaming. He'll probably settle quicker afterwards then.

I hope this is a phase that will pass soon for your DS xx

mousemole · 20/06/2008 16:24

Thanks Sanguibe, yes it is heart wrenching to see him scared but a wonderful feeling to know I can soothe him. I remember my mum doing the same. Thanks for your help. x

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