Solo bedtime with newborn and toddler…

[LolaBumble]

Any tips?
My toddler is just 2 and used to self settle fairly well, but since our youngest was born 4 weeks ago she likes to be cuddled to sleep…
I had a test run of doing bedtime solo and it was a nightmare, baby was fussy (always is at that time) and my toddler kept crying ‘my turn for cuddle mummy’, which made me super sad!

Tried offering her teddies but she refused, just wanted me!

Anyway I have a string of solo bedtimes coming up and really can’t think how I will manage it!?

I am worried it will be super hard on my toddler and she’ll end up jealous of baby getting more attention

Cuddling them both wouldn’t really work! Baby needs feeding or walking around 🤦🏻‍♀️

Would baby go in a sling?

I'm in the same position but toddler is 3 and baby is 7 months. I've been advised by a nanny to put baby safely in cot possibly with audio shh sounds whilst getting toddler to sleep. if he's crying it's ok as long as he's safe as it's only due a very short while

I’ve had this problem and many solo bedtimes. What worked for me was sitting cross legged on toddler’s bed, feeding baby in my arms, and letting toddler rest their head on my lap, so they felt like they were getting a cuddle too. A squash but it worked…

I currently have 2 under 2, my youngest is 4 months old now but I’ve done lots of solo bedtimes from the very beginning and the biggest tip I have would be try to feed baby while settling toddler for bed. I’m breastfeeding so we would all climb into my bed, toddler would cuddle in on one side while baby was also on me feeding but you could do the same with a bottle if formula feeding. I also made sure to properly tire out my toddler so that it took basically the length of a feed for her to fall asleep! Once she was asleep I’d let baby finish feed if not done and then move toddler into her room x

Second the comment about a sling. I have a toddler and newborn that will not go down but is happy to sleep in a stretchy wrap.

Definitely a sling. Or feed baby whilst also cuddling your toddler. Or put the baby down to give your toddler a cuddle and story and then into bed and pick up the baby again.

Or staggering bedtimes - do dinner and bath together and maybe reading but involve the toddler with them choosing/holding a book and turning the pages while you feed the baby then allow the toddler some much loved TV show (in the bedroom next door?) get the little one settled and then go to the older one - it adds a little time onto the bedtime routine but might make it calmer? When ours were very small the toddler loved being ‘helpful’ with bath for the baby and the book selection and they loved a bit of tv ( choose something calm tho!) if they are in your bedroom next door they shouldn’t feel too excluded and you can explain that it means they get some special solo cuddles after the baby has gone to bed

Just realised that maybe the 4 month isn’t being put to bed - I cannot remember when we started the 7 pm bedtime thing and 7.30 for the older one - maybe a sling is a good idea as pp have said

Yes it was hell on earth, I do solo bedtime twice a week. Not quite sure how I got through it but we were not unscathed.

Much easier now that baby is a bit older.

We all go down in my bed those nights

transfer to seperate beds later on

I have the same age gap but my baby is 9 months now, so toddler will be 3 soon. I do solo bedtimes most nights as my DH is out.

My toddler was used to self settling but she did start to regress a bit after the baby came along. I take them both to toddler’s room to do the bedtime story and then I leave the toddler and take the baby to bed. When my toddler started regressing she would cry/whinge in her cot, so I bought a Tony box to keep her company while I got baby off to sleep.

Going from one to two kids means that sometimes one (or both) of your kids will cry and you can’t soothe them instantly. You can’t be everything to everyone at one time. The worst thing to do is get to a situation where both are crying. As a general rule, even if my toddler cries, I won’t go back in until baby is asleep otherwise they’ll both be at it! Luckily, baby usually goes down within 10 mins.

Unless you're planning to go to bed at about 7PM yourself, why are you trying to get them to bed at the same time? At 4 weeks old they've no concept at all of time, and that's far too early a bedtime for a 4 week old.

We would have kept ours up until we were ready to go to bed, just chilling in their downstairs crib, then they went to sleep same time as us.

If we have a No 2 wouldn't even attempt to sync bedtimes until 6 months when they'd go into their own room.

I have three, with 22 months between each of them. Youngest is 9m. Eldest in particular has always needed someone with him to sleep. When I do solo bedtime I just sit with him (or sometimes both older ones as they love a team sleepover 😂) and feed the baby. Then I either get up with the baby or put baby down to bed afterwards.

It was a few years ago but I remember this. I kept my toddler to their established routine and brought the baby along. I gave my toddler as much attention as possible. First feed baby and give toddler a bowl of yogurt downstairs while watching tv. Then bathe the baby very quickly while the toddler undressed and played and then dress and cuddle her in the bathroom while the toddler was in the bath, helping him wash and play too. Then read the toddler a story while all 3 of us cuddled on the toddler’s bed. The baby then came downstairs again with me where I’d settle them in their chair and make dinner. When the baby was a little older and had a bedtime, I’d settle the baby in her room following the bath and we read a baby story there, the toddler often told her a story too, which he loved doing and the baby liked the attention. This only took a minute, the toddler just said what they’d done that day, he wasn’t up to long stories. Then read the toddler a big boy book in his room and settle him. This often worked well, but there were evenings when it all went downhill….

Thank you so much for all your replies! So good to know I’m not alone, of course so many parents have gone through this! Given me ideas, will definitely try with baby in the sling/feeding. My toddler is still in a cot, but I’ll make her bedroom floor comfy and try and cuddle her/feed baby and transfer her! Guess I’m just worried about getting into ‘bad habits’ but better that then my toddler feeling replaced by the baby!

Also defo not trying to put them to bed at the same time, just need to have baby with my as she’ll be screaming the house down otherwise