DS2 is 3.5 years old. He has never slept through the night. Not even close. He continues to wake more frequently than a newborn would. He can wake around 10 times per night. He sleeps in a bed attached to our bed, but still ends up sleeping right next to me and sharing my pillow. Despite being right next to me he wakes just as frequently. Between 8 and 16 months old he did sleep in his own room but he still woke just as frequently so we moved him back into our bedroom so that I wasn’t having to get out of bed.
He doesn’t nap anymore (stopped around age 2.5). He goes to bed at 7:30pm and falls to sleep quickly, because he’s absolutely knackered all day. I don’t think sleep pressure is too low because he seems exhausted and nursery always tell me they’re concerned about how tired he is.
From about 11pm he wakes constantly through the night. He will sit up and often his eyes will be closed but he sways from side to side mumbling to himself. I lie him back down and then he sits back up. This can go on for ages. When he “wakes” it’s like he’s still half asleep but won’t lie himself back down without me helping him. He is also a very restless sleeper, rolls all over the bed, talks/shouts in his sleep, sometimes points at things in the room that he says are there but aren’t, tries to climb out the bed when he’s half asleep. Some nights I feel like I am being woken every few minutes. It’s like he can’t go into a deep sleep. He never just lies still. We have tried sleeping with him in his own bedroom rather than our bed, but he is inconsolable and doesn’t want to be in his own room.
He has a heart condition which needs surgery soon. His cardiologist said he can’t see a physical reason why he would wake so much. I do sometimes worry about sleep apnoea as he sometimes makes gasping noises and does a lot of mouth breathing so maybe I should get this investigated.
He is an incredibly anxious little boy with a lot of social and sensory issues. We are currently awaiting an autism assessment. We are a year into the waitlist and still got about 1.5 years to go. His older brother DS1 (nearly 7) is autistic and has ADHD, he is on melatonin prescribed by his paediatrician which has been a godsend but his issues were getting to sleep and lying awake for hours, not wakefulness.
Importantly, he occasionally still has breast milk. I know I should have stopped this a long time ago but he won’t accept DH putting him to bed or caring for him in the night. He screams if DH tries. Some nights he doesn’t have any breast milk but still wakes just as frequently. About a year ago I was convinced he woke so much because of the milk so I dramatically reduced feeding him overnight but it’s made no difference whatsoever. Often when he wakes he doesn’t want any milk.
I’m worried that his sleep issues are linked to his neurodivergence. If this is the case then I can’t see anything ever changing. I feel like a broken shell, I am so so tired. I haven’t spoken to anyone in real life who has had sleep issues with their child to this extent. Does anyone have any advice at all please?
I have tried everything I can. Weighted blankets, later/earlier bedtimes, no screen time, calming baths, white noise, no white noise, he’s always had a solid routine before bed and had no issues in falling to sleep. He just can’t stay asleep.