Have I reached absolute burn out and what should I do?

[Mamainaus]

I have been pregnant, breastfeeding and cosleeping for the last 3.5 years and I am EXHUASTED.

For a bit of context I had the sudden loss of my Mum (huge impact as we were extremely close, she was in UK at the time and I was in Australia at 38 weeks pregnant with my first - March 2023) and 2 international moves to the UK and back (in the last 18months).

We are now back in Australia, I don't have a huge support network here, my Dad has moved out here but he is nearly 75 and although he is great with the kids he is a man and it's not like having your mum or a female/both grandparents you know? We don't have the paternal set of grandparents (consisting of my partners Dad and his partner) close and have no community, friends or wider family because of the continuous moving we have done over the last few years.

I breastfed my first to 14 months when my breast milk production ceased due to my second pregnancy and had also partly co slept with him until then and until he was about 16mths in total. He took a while to sleep through, and with the new baby and that upheaval there were many months with me going to and from a newborn and a toddler which was REALLY hard. He does sleep through most nights but goes through periods where he will wake up and come into my room. I also struggle to get him down before 8:30/900pm because currently I am doing youngest first and then my nearly 3 year old. Dad struggles to get the oldest down as he just wants me, he is very attached to me.

I have breastfed and coslept with the youngest since birth - didn't even bother with a cot because I just needed as much sleep as I could get. In hindsight though I do regret this because she is a much better sleeper than her brother was, she sleeps longer and deeper and just a bit more 'textbook' baby for want of a better phrase. I think had I put in the time and had a bit more support from my partner around the 4-6mths part, we could have a much better routine now.

I feed the youngest to sleep at the moment, but she is capable of being put down without me, she protests more now than she used to though (again feel like I missed the right opportunity to get partner putting her down). I also still sleep in the bed with her, and she was in a good spot mybe waking only once a night but recently she just seems SO restless and I with the toddler coming in on most nights I am just hitting a point of exhaustion where I literally am starting to feel depressed, demotivated and such a lack of joy in general.

I am REALLY missing home as well. I was hit by extreme home sickness when returning to Australia (September 2025) and I haven't been able to shake it. We were living in beautiful Suffolk and I was surrounded by countryside - my favourite. My partner HATED the UK and then got a business opportunity in Australia hence why we moved back and then Dad made the move as he was on his own and wanted to be near me and the kids.

Don't get me wrong I am WELL aware that my situation could be far worse and this must read like such first world problems, however I cannot go on like this. I would so appreciate any advice from Mum's of 2 under 2 who have gone through something similar with the feeding and sleep situation. How did you solve it? Any thoughts or action plans?

I feel like this is urgent and need to get some normality back.

If you're still here thank you for reading and thank you in advance for any guidance.

3.5 year old isn’t considered to be a toddler in the UK. I’m a bit lost in your post on the ages of your children.

When DD2 got to 3 and I was exhausted with her poor sleep. I told her I was tired and if she woke and asked for boobie over night there would be no more boobie. It didn’t stop the waking completely but she stopped feeding over night. DH and I would take turns alternating nightly who would deal with her when she woke up.

Sounds very tough. It seems to me your partner must do more and not hide behind the one child/baby favours you etc. if the baby is easier can he take over her bedtime? When will she go in her own room? About a local support network have you gone out to mum/baby coffee mornings? I found them a bit tricky as you see different people each time but you just need one friendly face and can suggest coffee or playground meet ups. I made good friends once my eldest went to nursery, the parents of the other kids.

I had 2 under 2 but they always had their own rooms, but we had a nightmare with our eldest. For you I would say to just start, and if your dd is the easiest then start there. You and your dh are in control and what you say, goes. You start your new bedtime routine tomorrow. Make it exciting and add reward charts, chocolate or whatever. Decide what you want it to look like and go for it. Your dh is their dad and he is going to take control. It doesn't matter if ds cries for you, your dh needs to stand firm.

I am also a little unsure about the ages of the kids.
Co-sleeping is all good if you enjoy it and are getting actual sleep. You font enjoy it and it is not getting you anymore sleep. Personally I’d be working on getting the youngest into her own bed. And getting my partner to be more useful.

Replying because my original post is a bit all of the place and probably shows the state of my brain at the moment!

My kids are nearly 3 (3 in April) and 16mths.

So they are both toddlers. I don’t cosleep with the oldest anymore but he doesn’t always sleep through so I’m having to go to him in the night whilst also cosleeping with and breastfeeding the youngest.

hopefully this clarifies a bit more.

I'd recommend seeing if there are some parent groups or support groups of some kind near you. I always find talking to other mums helps, even if the conversation doesn't go that deep.

I also second some other poster's advice about getting your partner to help more if possible. I don't think you should be helping both children in the night - I'm utterly exhausted just looking after one!

Also, for what it's worth, it sounds like you are doing so well coping with some massive life changes and upheavals!!

Lastly, I dunno if you want to try this or not, but it helped with my poor sleeper: I wrote a little story about sleeping through the night. The story explained why it was important (so that everyone including mummy was well rested) and included advice about how to sleep at night from dd's favourite cuddlies.