Dummy dilemma

[Naetha]

Hello folks, DS is 5 months old, and has some sleeping issues, the main one being that he doesn't like to do it, especially during the day.

Recently though, we've been having an even more trying time due to his love/hate relationship with his dummy. He can't (or at least very rarely) fall asleep without it. However, if it's in his mouth and he's not actually asleep he constantly fiddles and plays with it, then it falls out / he drops it and he flips onto his front to find it (and can't flip back, and won't sleep on his front).

If he doesn't have a dummy, he flails like mad with his arms (so I suppose his dummy is more of a focus point - something to do) and tries to grab anything within reach - usually the cot bars (everything else has been removed from the cot) or himself and won't go to sleep. I have the same problem if I'm trying to rock or walk him to sleep as well, only the nearest thing in this situation is usually my neck or my hair - not particularly pleasant for me.

I've tried swaddling again (he was swaddled until 10 weeks ish) but he just wriggles out. I can't say I haven't been tempted to try a belt to secure his arms by his sides! (please don't report me to social services!).

Any suggestions? I'm currently pretty much leaving him to cry. I do go back every 2-3 minutes to remind him I still love him, replace the dummy and usually try to pin his arms down (gently of course!) - I don't pick him up because he scratches, grabs and pulls me and my hair which I cannot handle). Usually this goes on for about half an hour, although today it took me an hour and a half, just for him to only sleep for a total of 6 minutes (in three separate blocks ).

I know a lot of this is because he is over tired, but I can never seem to find (to be honest I'm convinced he doesn't have) that sweet spot where they're tired but not overtired. I've tried putting him down after 2 hours of being awake (this is what I go on at the moment), after the first yawn / eye rub / sleepy look, or leaving it until he starts to cry, but it never seems to make a difference. He used to be great at falling asleep at bedtime, but recently this has become a shenanigan as well, taking about an hour for him to go to sleep, despite a regular routine.

Sorry to rabbit on but I do feel at the end of my tether, and hate having to spend several hours a day trying to get him to go to sleep usually for a total time of about 2 hours a day!

Any advice would be gratefully welcomed!

Naetha, I don't have any advice except to say that we're going through exactly the same thing with our DS of 5 months. The dummy is now starting to do my head in!! But then again, it has been a Godsend as prior to having it we couldn't comfort him easily. I also try to pin his arms down and that seems to calm him.

We're thinking of doing the NCSS "Pantley pull off" to get rid of the dummy as, once he's in his own room I don't think I will be able to cope with going in through the night just to replace the dummy. At the moment it's easy - he wakes in the night, I just roll over towards his cot, replace the dummy and he goes back to sleep. Why won't they keep them in their mouths?!!! It seems to be when DS is overtired that he grabs things and spits his dummy out, which is the very thing that he wants.

Sorry I can't give any advice only to say I know what you're going through

When my dd was screaming the house down when I put her for a nap I had to force myself to not go back in to her and I would say that 2-3 minutes before you go back in might not be long enough. I used to look at the clock as soon as I had put her down and tell myself that she was safe in her own bed and she needed to go to sleep for her own benefit and then go and hang out the washing where I couldn't hear her scream!

My second dd used to loose her dummy in the night and wake up so we used to put a few in there and she learnt to roll over and sort of find them with her mouth and then with her hands when she was a bit older!

Having the exact same problem at the moment with 5 mnth old DS. He seems to want to try and hold onto something when he goes to sleep so for the past few days I have been giving him a muslin to hold onto and this has seemed to work. He also now has a small teddy bear to hold onto which stays in his cot now ( I have checked and it is suitable for his age as I know a lot of teddies aren't ok for small babies.) I keep a close eye on him with the muslin as it tends to end up on his face and once he is asleep i carefully remove it, This seems to have helped and he pulls this around instead of taking his dummy out and flinging it out of the cot and then crying when its gone!!
However, if he wakes in the night which he does 2-3 times a night i still get up and have to put his dummy back in but it may just help with the initial getting to sleep.

I've tried giving him something else to hold, but unfortunately it only works for about 30 seconds, then it's back onto the dummy again! (and he won't sleep without having soemthing to suck frantically on).

I just wish he'd learn to suck his thumb - that would solve both problems!

Savoycabbage - I've left him for longer before, but although sometimes he will cry himself to sleep, more often than not he goes into complete meltdown to the point where he is going into coughing fits. I have to pick him up when he goes this far, and usually for the next ten minutes he does that involuntary gasp that children do when they've been really crying.

Thankfully if he stirs in the night, he doesn't usually need his dummy, it's just to get him off to sleep in the first place, so I don't have that other problem of constantly getting up and down in the night!

Naetha - We had this with DD when she was alot younger she'd suck really frantically on her dummy to fall asleep then spit it out and all was well. If she wasn't asleep when she spat it out she'd start yelling for it.

I don't really know what to say as she just gave up on her dummy at about 3 months and now just screams! lol

Give him things to play with,
My HV gave me a plan once (which didn't work with DD but may with yours) when you first put them down walk away, then if they cry go back and stroke them till they fall asleep, then next time they wake up just sit there humming, next time sit there but hide your face, then move back abit, back abit more till your at the doorway. (Don't move onto the next step till they've fallen asleep) BUT say you tried this tonight and he woke up twice in the night, tomorrow when you did it you'd go straight to step 3, IYKWIM
Can you get a mobile or something that soothes him to sleep (this is DD's crutch at the moment)