Please help! Split nights no sleep

[Rayma]

Please does anyone have any advice?! My son is 16 months old and has been a terrible sleeper from being a newborn but now it’s getting unbareable.

he has began split nights and staying up for hours at a time and as myself and my partner both work it’s becoming too much.

we have the same bedtime routine we’ve used for the last year, dinner at 5.30, play for an hour, bath 6.30, breastfeed at 7, sleep between 7.30/8 sometimes he goes down easy, other times it can take forever. He used to be able to fall asleep independently in his cot but he got sick a few months ago and now will only fall asleep in my arms.

once he’s down to begin with he’s fine, he’ll usually sleep about 4 hours with most nights no wakings during those 4 hours. Then around 12/1 he’ll wake up crying and then begins the 3 or 4 hour battle to get him back to sleep.

I’ve tried everything. White noise, low lights, minimal talking, leaving for 1/3/5 mins to see if he’ll settle but nothing works he just sits in my arms and stares at me for hours until he physically can’t keep his eyes open anymore. If I dare try to put him down he screams bloody murder until he is physically exhausted and even then he’ll only sleep for a max of another 3 hours.

we dropped down to 1 nap as he was only having a short nap but he’s only napping for about 1hr 15 and then having a max of about 7 hours night sleep and I’m lucky if I get a solid 3 hours.

can anyone help im really at my wits end now.

Your bed?

Honestly in this situation I’d try cosleeping. I’d also try moving the nap around to different times of day — perhaps earlier would give you a longer nap and he’d be less overtired? Overtiredness can often cause wakefulness.

I'd try moving the nap around to see if he needs longer or less time before bed. And are you waking him by a consistent time in the morning? I'd honestly be cosleeping in that situation, get a single mattress in his room and sleep there with him from his first wake.

Omg this is us at the moment! My daughter is 12 months. I know the reason why though. She's cutting her molars 4 at once. One is through and two at the top are half through. It's a nightmare. I sympathise. I feel so unwell and have had a virus over a week and can't shift It because I'm up All night. Last night she was awake from 2am till 6am!!! She won't co sleep either she just sits up in bed.

Mine started hourly wake ups from 12 months on. I have no idea how my husband and I survived because we went weeks without sleep, but somehow it got better again by itself when he hit 15 months. I tried everything but it only got better when I started to accept that it is a phase and will pass.

What time is the nap? Have you tried a longer nap? What time does he wake in the morning?

Thanks everyone for your replies :) some replies to the questions ahah

• he wakes up between 6-7am depending on the previous days sleep but has also been known to start a wake party at 5am lol
• his naps are usually around 1-2 for about 1hr 40-2hrs again depending on how much he’s slept the night before
• sadly I will not cosleep with him as I have a almighty fear of SIDS and suffocation as it happened to someone close to me and I’d rather not sleep than have something bad happen to him
• we have tried longer naps but once he’s up he’s up lol he’s not a good sleeper like his mam and dad haha

atp im more just accepting this is his routine at the moment, but at 2am when you’ve been up since 5am the next day mumsnet seems like the only option haha thanks everyone x

I’d cap the nap at 1.5 hours and see if that helps, maybe even less. Longer naps won’t help! Split nights are because not enough sleep pressure at t bedtime. I understand your concern about cosleeping but SIDS is really only a risk in small babies. As long as you are not a smoker or have been drinking. You couldn’t possibly suffocate a toddler

Split nights means undertired so I would cut 30-45 mins of sleep out of your schedule by either shortening nap or night to a bit of both and see what happens.

He sounds undertired. Could you try pushing bedtime back half an hour to see what happens? If he’s always been a terrible sleeper he’s probably fairly low sleep needs. If you count how much sleep he’s getting in a 24 hour period for a few days and average it out, if that’s less than his current nap + nighttime sleep then if you take out that time from his schedule that might make a big difference.

Could you try an earlier nap on the days he's up earlier? Then he'd have more sleep pressure for bedtime.

Can you safely have the cot next to your bed, so he can be in your arms, but not directly co sleeping? By 16 months the risk is very different to tiny babies. I would also cut the nap down to an hour and potentially put him to bed later. For the next month or so can you go to bed as soon as he is asleep so you get some sleep? Keep repeating, this is a phase and won't last forever. My sleep thief who wouldn't go down for longer than 45 minutes is now a primary age child that sleeps like the dead once down. It does get better.

Thanks for all your replies, we decided to try and let him self soothe at bedtime - going in after 1 min, 3 mins, 5 mins - and somehow doing this was the magic to getting him to sleep through the night (hopefully not jinxing it haha) for the last two weeks we’ve managed at least 9hours solid sleep every night thank god! Hopefully it continues haha x