What sleep training methods worked for you? At breaking point

[Solsticestar1]

I’m a mother of two. DS1 is 2.5 and DS2 is 7m. Both were/are EBF. DS1 we did some light/gentle sleep training which worked after about a week. He just self soothed sucking his thumb and reduced his wake ups to about x3 a night and then slept through from 9m. DS2 just won’t self soothe though. He is in his cot from first part of night till about 10pm and then he is up every hour and it is breaking me. DH sleeps with DS1 to cuddle for comfort etc and to maximise their sleep so I am the only one with DS2 at night and I am losing my mind. I feel I have become a monster of a mum to DS1. Easily triggered to shout, takes him to nursery first thing so I can have some peace in the morninf etc I feel awful and I am so tired. I feel like I am just a terrible person to my DH and DS1 and it just has to stop. And then I am just sobbing through my morning with DS2 instead of doing fun baby stuff. I am feeling so bad caught in a cycle I need to break

Would you consider bed sharing like your DH is doing with your older one, so that you get more sleep?

I wouldn't expect a 7 month old to self soothe. Some might but it's nothing the parents have done, just like some 8 months olds walk but it's not because the parents have trained them in any way.

I would just co-sleep after the first wake up. 7 months is peak for weaning belly troubles, growth spurts, teething. It will be hard to do anything else at this time.

I would also sleep earlier. So you go to bed at 7-10pm and get some sleep before baby wakes.

Forgot to say… I have a cold atm. So I found last night particularly challenging not being able to get proper rest so sorry for the emotional rant.

I would suggest the same, sleep with your baby if it means you all sleep better.

My second was also a terrible sleeper, so I commiserate. We just did whatever meant everyone got the most sleep.

@Barrellturn co-sleeping doesn’t work for everyone. I am bringing him in after first wake up atm but he doesn’t settle just because he is next to me sadly. He is still very unsettled, crying right next to me, wanting boob all the time so I am still not getting decent sleep.

I think this is a difficult time developmentally to sleep train. Full on teething pain, starting to become aware that you are a separate individual - seperation anxiety will start soon.

Also, children have such different personalities - what works for one child does not often work for the next. This child may need more physical contact/touch to feel secure and relaxed to settle at night.

With my 'high touch' aka velcro baby I did pursue 'gradual withdrawal' method of sleep training - started with them in cot, patting and soothing, then visible and using voice, then moving slowly towards the door - it took a very long time and sometimes it went backwards. They were much older though - I think 18 months.

It is very tough, hope you find something that works for you all.

@user1471538275 yes appreciate the dose of realism that sometimes sleep goes backwards. It did with my first, who was a decent sleeper. So he didn’t sleep through EVERY NIGHT. I am just wanting about x3 wake ups 😅 I’d be happy with that.

They are so different

What's his usual schedule for morning wake, naps and bedtime? That's what I be looking at first, rather than sleep training. Self soothing at that age is an unrealistic expectation for a lot of babies. yes some do sleep long stretches / through but I think it's just their temperament. Or they've given up because no-one comes to them when they cry.

The No Cry Sleep Solution worked a treat for us at 8-9 months.

Are you able to feed lying then? If so then he can latch on while you sleep. Definitely recommend giving it a try.

Sleep training doesn’t work for lots of babies. Can DH cosleep with the youngest, if co-sleeping doesn’t work for you? Then he can bring him to you for feeds, or you can go through at set times.

It took my son until 3.5 to learn to self settle but he sleeps through every night now, he’s confident and well adjusted, resilient, and cuddly. He doesn’t struggle to sleep anywhere; and very rarely needs any help in the night. It’s developmental.

Do you sleep on your side with him pressed right up against you? That way he can basically just latch on himself while you sleep

I had a very good experience with the sleep wave method at 5 months - suggest you look it up. It took three nights of not much crying before he was sleeping through with two brief breastfeeds over night.

the key before applying any sleep training method is to ensure that your baby is not having too much day sleep and has an adequate amount of time awake between the last nap of the day and bedtime. At 7 months for most babies I’d say 3.5-4 hours. If you track sleep you can get an idea of how much they need per 24h, then allow 10-11h for nighttime and the rest for naps.

It’s not true that babies can’t self soothe, they can. My son went to sleep in half the time once he was in a good routine and I gave him some space to work it out. He plays with his sleep sack for a minute or two and goes to sleep. He absolutely resists sleep if you try to rock him to sleep, he needs space.

its also not true that babies “give up” once sleep trained. They dont, they just stop calling for you to connect their sleep cycles for them because they’ve learnt to do it themselves. My son still calls if he’s in pain, or unwell. When he’s ill I sleep on a foldy bed in his room with him so I can be there if he needs me.

theres lots of noise out there at the moment that is anti-sleep training, and its all completely dismissive to the point of callousness about maternal mental health and wellbeing. It’s totally unnuanced and not evidence based, and makes gross generalisations about parents who do it. I adore my son; I am a responsive, caring parent, who has sleep trained.

All sleep training is is teaching your child to go to sleep without assistance. Sleep training has not been found to cause harm when applied at an appropriate age and in a developmentally appropriate way.

you deserve rest OP, so you can be the parent you want to be during the day.

@Quickdraw23 thank you. I completely share the same narrative. ❤️