Please help me sort out a strategy to help 22mo dd go to sleep in her bed with no screaming!

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The problems started about a month ago when I went out dd saw me leave and got distressed. dh thought he could handle it and let her scream for 4h until I came home. once she saw me she went to sleep with me in the room but got up 3 times in the night to check I was still there.

so i tried staying in the room until she went to sleep but she would constantly demand stories etc.

so i tried closing the stair gate and leaving her to it. she would play with her books for an hour until her music finished then scream blue murder until I sat with her and exhaustion kicked in.

I took all her books away so she has nothing to do in room and she just stands at the gate shouting. so I rapid returned her every time she opened the door. that worked for 2 nights, then she started sleeping behind the door.

when my mum puts her to bed she is her old self. music on. good night kiss, straight to sleep and sleeps through. when I do it we have several hours of screaming and multiple wakings in the night. I can't get my poor mum round every night unfortunatly so what can I do?

nap times are the worst as she is not as tired as at bed time. I'm currently letting her nap on the floor in the doorway as she is refusing to stay in her bed no matter if I'm in the room or not! she has screamed herself to sleep after an hour.

I think the problem is I don't know how to handle it. nether of us know if its going to be a gradual withdawl night or a cc night or a rapid return night and the inconsistancy is unsettling her.

"he thinks that any solution where she gets me to sit in a particular place while she falls asleep is a bad idea as if she wakes in the night she gets really upset if I'm not there."

I agree with your DH. For exactly the same reason.

I wouldn't lock her door, though.

Aaargh ....no locks...she is only little!

I agree with your dh as well (but not about the locks) You need to be firm and consistent especially at first. Take it slowly, but as long as you continue to sit there she will expect it. I think it will be hard on all of you for about 3 nights, but will then improve. I really think you need to get out of her bedroom, and tie door back so she can't sleep behind it.

I know how hard and distressing it is. I so so been there with manipulative non sleeping dd for months. When we actually bit the bullet and did it, it wasn't as bad.

If she lies on floor, I would calmly pick her up and put her into her bd. If he gets out or scream, I would repeat until done. I've watched loads of "Supernannys" , and it always seems to work on there.

I know how hard it is, you really have my sympathy. I hope this helps.

Also, I thi nk you need to alternate with your dh, so you can both get some rest. Although I know a non sleeping lo is not restful even for the on duty.

Changing her behaviour and expectations is the key

Aso, we were seriously thinking of calling in a sleep consultant or Millpond sleep clinic, and I mean seriously.

But 2 weeks of sticking with it cured her

What worked for us:

1. I will stay with her as long as she's in bed quietly. The minute she gets up or starts faffing about and poking my face I quietly get up and leave the room. She would scream for a very short time and I'd go back and tell her that I would stay if she was in bed quietly. Repeat a gazillion times (more like 20 times over about 3 days) and she realises that lying quietly in bed with mummy is preferable to mummy leaving.

1. Phase two (about a week later): She's now in the habit of lying quietly in bed with you until she drops off. Just as she's in the sleepy zone, kiss her and quietly tell her you're off to [have a wee, get a cup of tea, some reason to leave] but will come back and kiss her when she's asleep. Sometimes this didn't work, but usually the whole feeling around bedtime was less anxious and more calm, so it was fine. You're not sneaking off, you're telling her you're going, having made bedtime a safe, predictable routine again.

1. Start to leave (calmly, firmly and pleasantly) a bit earlier until you leaving her awake is normal.

This worked for us, and wasn't at all stressful as we're firmly against leaving dd to be upset alone. Might not work for you. Just thought I'd share.

I now often go for a cuddle and a chat before sleepy time and leave her awake to go to sleep.

The other thing is that we chat about what we're going to do tomorrow - it gives dd a purpose to going to sleep: we have to go to sleep now so that we can do X Y and Z fun things tomorrow.

I think that is inspired Brocc!

the problem is I get stuck at step 1. this is teh approach I started out with but she is very very stuborn and once she gets it into her head I have to in her room when she goes to sleep. Maybe if and when her speech comes to the level we can have a discussion about fun things tomorrow and going to sleep I might have more success with this.

before this all kicked off I used to sit in teh chair and she used to tell me to leave cos she wanted to go to sleep it's just such a huge shock to the system.

well its night one of cc. she did have a nap despite our best intentions. we ended up in the car at 3:30 and couldn't keep her awake. So, normal 8pm bedtime... she cried for 3mins. so I didn't go back for the 5min check but then she started fretting about 10mins, I went up but found her half in bed tucking her teletubbie in with her taggie blanket. but when she saw me she screamed again. I put her in bed and left and the screaming only lasted a minute or so before it went quiet. its very early to tell if its going OK though as she can mess about for an hour or so until she decides she wants to go to sleep and therefore needs mum.

dh just did a reccy and she is still in bed crosses fingers

ss - It sounds to me like your daughter is ready to sleep on her own, but you have difficulty letting go

She protested for a few minutes and was ready to get in bed and sleep. Maybe you shouldn't have gone in her room for a bit longer.

I'm worried about her getting into the state she did about a month ago when dh did bedtime and she cried for 4h. I know it makes me overly protective at the moment.

but I'm feeling really bad this morning. I thought we had had a reasonable night, she settled within 10 mins last night, even with me mesing it up. she was only half in bed but its a start. I was aware of her waking once in the night but settling fairly quickly. I messed things up again at 5am by going in to turn off her blummin tubbie which she had set off in her sleep (so i thought) and she was half out of bed again so I moved her and woke her doing it... she seemed to settle fairly quickly though.

then I spoke to dh (who slept downstairs last night to get away from the noise) he says she was up half the night screaming and had no idea that I hadn't gone to her.

I'm now feeling sooo guilty! I'm normally such a light sleeper! I know I was done in but I didn't think I'd sleep through her being distressed

I think thats a tchnique called "controleld crying through necessity"! Don;t feel too guilty she isn;t going to be traumatised for life after one evening of crying.

My DS now 2.5 has had similar issues getting to sleep. I found that although he still really does need a one hour nap when his sleeping patterns get poor at night it can be helped by cutting the nap for a while until he gets back into the "habit" of going to sleep promptly.

I did gradual withdrawl - started off sitting next to him holding his hand. Then sitting in a chair near the open door reading my book - no speaking, putting toys thrown back in bed without making eye contact. Now we have got as far as a routine which starts at 7pm with a bath then stories in mummy's bed then he can take a book to bed and I sit outside the door reading and when he says (incessantly) mummy sit mummy sit mummy sit, all I say is "Mummy's here"

Not sure that helps but you have my sympathy. If you find CC too much - read the no cry sleep solution book (Elizabeth Pantly I think), much gentler and the no cry bit refers to the parents

Perhaps you should buid on last night. If she made it through the night without you, that seems like the starting block to me.

You must have been knackered not to hear her! But she made it and survived. Go forward with that.

Good luck

well me lovley mum put her to bed last night. took ages to settle her apparently and she didn't do cc so she's no help there, but she didn't stay with her and got her to settle by noisily cleaning my bathroom for half and hour.

So I got a trip to the swimming pool and a clean bathroom! result!!

she woke up in the hight, cried for 5 seconds, got up and opened her bedroom door, then got back in bed and went to cleep. a bit strange but I can live with it

That sounds great!

Remember not to take a step back from here

Well last night wasn't as good in that it was nearly 10 when she went to sleep quietly on her own in her bed! but she did fanny about and shout (not cry, shout) for about 2h. I only went up once and was ordered into the chair (I didn't do it though!) she got miffed when I didn't do as I was told but accepted it fairly quickly. she made every loud banging noise she could think of for 2h though to make it perfectly clear she was awake

she got up once at 2am to open her bedroom door again. I think I have convinced dh to stop shutting it, if only to see what happens.

I'm feeling like things are much more under control (although I still don't think I'll be letting her know when I go out for a while)