How to stop DD coming into our bed at night

[hm4912]

Hello, my DD is 2.5 and she’s been coming into our bed in the middle of the night for the past 3 or so months now. I honestly don’t mind too much but the broken sleep is starting to affect DH as she’s a bit of a fidget! We don’t have a spare bed that one of us can go in. I’ve tried putting extra layers on her, removing layers, a night light, longer/shorter/no naps, earlier/later bedtime..

Can anyone offer any advise how to get her to stay in her own room please!

Does she go to sleep by herself when you first put her to bed? So does she self settle and this is her normal routine? If you are lying next to her to get her to sleep then this is all she knows, a parent is with her to sleep.

Sadly if you want her to stay in her bed you just keep returning her to her own bed. She settles in there, this is where you sleep.

If you have room and don't mind her in your room then put a mattress, camping bed or whatever on the floor next to your bed.

Ds1 was a starfish, fidget so co sleeping was awful and I feared the slap in the face, kick in the stomach so we just couldn't do it. If he was poorly he had a trundle bed under his so we would just go into his room and stay with him there.

So the tiny human has to sleep alone but the grown adults with fully developed emotional regulation get the comfort of sleeping together?

If your brain surgeon husband needs his sleep, put him in the toddler’s room and have the toddler in with you.

You could get a mattress on the floor for one of you to sleep on (can be stored under the bed and will be useful in future if DD wants to have a friend for a sleepover!). Or you can just keep taking her back to bed every single time.

This part of parenting and loving your children I’m afraid. She’s seeking comfort which is perfectly ok. It’s tiring but she’ll grow out of it. Unless your DH is a brain surgeon or an air traffic controller he’ll just have to get on with it.

I don’t think that’s fair. An adult’s sleep is important too and many toddlers disrupt sleep with moving about too much. I regulary get kicked in the face and i am absolutely exhausted.

When my Dd did this I kept a small mattress on my side of the bed on the floor.

Dd would go to sleep on her own, but at some time in the night would wake. I also felt that it must seem hard to understand why I got to sleep with someone when she had to sleep alone.

She would come into our room and would settle on the floor next to me. I could hang my arm down for her to hold.

All round it just meant better sleep for all. She grew out of it.

Take her back to her bed and get in with her
at some point you can probably go back to your bed if you get thumped too much

🙄 so basically, if you put her back OP, you don’t really love her!

Lack of sleep sent me absolutely beside myself. It can affect different people differently. DH barely notices if he gets no sleep, I however become suicidal, so he does all night time wake ups with our DC. You are not a bad parent for wanting her in her own bed OP.

Why can’t he get into her bed?

Isnt musical beds part of parenting?

Just part of parenting I think although many will disagree. I have twins, DS slept through from 6 weeks, DD in our bed until age 6. I'm a firm believer in meeting each child's individual needs. It was what she needed. She's a highly independent, responsible, wonderful teen now. No lingering attachment issues.

Does she fall asleep on her own at the start of the night? It’s really normal to stir during the night, adults do it too, but it’s totally unrealistic to expect her to put herself back to sleep at 3am if she isn’t doing it at bedtime when the sleep pressure is highest. I would definitely look at a more independent bedtime routine first. But in the meantime, because changes always take time, I like the suggestion by PP of a small mattress on your floor so she can quietly come in but not be in the bed disturbing you.

We put a small mattress under our bed for dd, I pulled it out once I was in bed. She used to creep in and I only needed to say hi it was great.

For our 3 year old we do the ‘sleep fairy’ - she’s the cousin of the tooth fairy and leaves little messages and random objects (a button, a sweet, something random) under the pillow. If DD doesn’t sleep all night sleep fairy leaves a message encouraging her for the following night

DD2 turned into a night creeper at that age. We consistently put her straight back into her own bed, and after a while she stopped coming in. Immediately, no discussion.

Hats off to all the co-sleepers out there, but we only had a double bed and there is no way I would have been able to get a good night's sleep with a small wriggly person in the bed. I can't even bear DH's arm round me!

My 3yo has been coming in a bit over the last few months I think due to the cold. We also added layers, fluffy socks etc, but some nights he still comes in. It is straight back to his own bed, every time I'm afraid. There is just not enough room for 2 adults, a dog and a preschooler on/in our bed.

We have an armchair in DS's room so I sit in that, like I do at bedtime, and he's usually asleep again within minutes. What do you do at bedtime? Can you not just do that until she's asleep again? DS is otherwise a good sleeper and I hope once this winter is over he won't be waking up in the middle of the night.

It does seem a little sad that even the dog gets to sleep with you but the little child doesn't!

Mine come in every now and then. I think it's part of parenting young children.

Letting the dog sleep in our bed is one of my biggest regrets 😅she's bloody huge, sleeps crossways, and barks at the foxes. But, she's old, and it's all she's ever known. All my son has ever known is his bed/cot, and someone sitting with him as he falls asleep. That's why he drops off again as soon as he's back in bed.

Also just to add DH is a total softie, and if I'm up with the baby in the night when DS comes in, then he lets him stay. And openly admits it's a rubbish nights sleep with dog and son in there hah.

Couldn’t have put it better myself. Your DH’s problem so he should sleep elsewhere

I couldn’t have coped without sleep either - even though I was on ML my DH did most of the night shifts. But it was far easier to lift them into bed and everyone settle down than have the rigmarole of getting out of bed and trotting a child back across the landing each time.

Don’t get me wrong - I remember the sheer irritation and rage you feel when a wriggly child tries to kick the duvet off when you’re exhausted but that was what worked better for me getting my sleep than the alternative. Our dc all toddled in a did it for a year or so until they really started to sleep properly (or the next baby came along!)

I was not trying to suggest any mother loves their child more or less whatever they do (more a comment on selfish men) - we’re all in survival mode in the dark of the night when you just need your sleep. 💐

When my Dd did this I kept a small mattress on my side of the bed on the floor.
This. Did it with all my 4 they just came in and went straight to sleep. They all grow out if it eventually.

I go in the single bed with mine in her room rather than have her in with us.
You can’t have a battle at 3am and try and put her back or she might wake up fully and so will you!