11yr old really struggles to go to sleep, any tips?

[ZappyDays]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this as most people are talking about babies and toddlers not sleeping and I’m here to ask for help for my 11yr old!

She’s always had trouble going to sleep and we’ve always co-slept in order to get some sleep (tried everything but this was the only thing that worked!) but recently she really wants to be grown up and sleep in her own room by herself.

The problem is she just doesn’t seem to ever get tired and finds its really difficult to go to sleep.

She goes to bed at 8:30/9pm and will read in bed while I stay up and watch TV (she wants me to watch TV as she doesn’t like the house to be quiet) until 10pm when I go to bed.

I check on on her before I go to bed and she has usually stopped reading and turned her light out by this time but she is still awake and she gets quite worked up about the fact that I’m going to bed when she’s still awake. She doesn’t want to be last person awake in the house but I’m so tired I can’t stay awake any longer. I tell her she can read for longer but reading doesn’t make her sleepy at all. We’ve tried audio books, meditation, white noise… what else can we try?!

Last night she was still awake and very upset and distressed about not feeling tired at almost midnight and I was so tired and cranky. She doesn’t want me in her room but I can hear her sobbing. We can’t go on like this.

Sleep medicine referrals | Evelina London https://share.google/7tEePsmDKfEHiFTVd

There's an app mentioned on the ink above that could be useful - if you see anyone about this you will need some data.

My daughter has ADHD and always struggled greatly to fall asleep. She was prescribed melatonin at 7 and this helped a lot (it generally has to be prescribed by a paediatrician, although there are gummies online you could try).

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_educational_needs/5468405-5468405-4-year-old-not-sleeping?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share this thread may be useful.

I second Melatonin. I get it from pharmacies abroad. Life-changing.

Thank you for your replies. We did have an appt with gp a few years ago and they were going to prescribe melatonin but I read up about it and the side effects freaked me out so we decided not to go down that path and to just continue to co sleep instead of medicating as that seemed to help. Now she doesn’t want to co sleep anymore maybe we need to look at that again. I’m really reluctant to though. Need to read up on it a bit more I think.

I think she needs to be in a state where she can fall asleep rather than expecting her to read until sleepy then put book down, turn off light and go to sleep.

Get her something to listen to and a sunset clock that will gradually dim over 30 minutes. A sleep podcast or meditation would be good, a book she knows well as an audiobook might also do.

Weighted blanket?

My kids are the same. As they've got older it's a winner if everyone is in bed and quiet for midnight. I've never had time to do things after an early bedtime.

Weighted blanket is a good idea, she likes to be tucked in really tight and when she’s upset a very firm cuddle always helps. The thing that I wonder is whether she just doesn’t need much sleep because she is never tired. I have never seen her yawn, ever! She just needs to get over her fear of being the only one awake in the house and then maybe she’ll just be a night owl. It has always been an issue that she needs less sleep than me, from the moment she was born!

My eldest niece is like that. We used to joke that she was like Margaret Thatcher, only requiring 4 hours sleep a night (reputedly). If it's not making her tired then probably the only thing that will solve it is age.

Would audio books or a radio in her room help? Fun Kids is a good digital channel and 24 hour I think.

We haven't had any side effects from melatonin.

Does she get enough fresh air and exercise and early daylight? Some magnesium tablets if only for placebo effects? ( Check if suitable for children). Listen to Dr Chris and zand podcast. Basically says don't worry, resting is still good and listen to a boring podcast! Army sleep method of tensing/ relaxing muscles.

I'd work on making her feel better about being awake in her own room rather than sleeping more, given she isn't tired.

What about getting a pair of walkie talkies? Tell her she's safe in the house and safe in her own room, but if she needs you she can contact you without leaving the room. It sounds like an attachment/loneliness/isolation thing rather than a sleep thing?

Explain to her that parents can always be woken, just as you did when she was a baby.

Thanks all. We’ve tried audiobooks but not radio so thanks for the tip, will offer that to her. She still has the baby monitor in her room (at her request) so she can talk to us and we can talk back if needed. I definitely think it’s an attachment/loneliness/isolation thing and as she’s getting older she’s able to recognise this which is a positive thing. It’s just how to stop her feeling that way that perplexes us all!

When my adhd kiddo was small and I was on day 5 of no sleep,at my wits end and starting to see shadows that weren’t there I resorted to some piriton
we eventually were proscribed melatonin which helped for a while but his sleep now at 16.5 is bc terrible.
Nytol help a lot for a couple of days to just reset his/mine body clock.
you could try the herbal ones or half of the one a night ones theyl help her relax and drop off.
the Calm app is good for sleep stories on the Alexa as well

My 12 year old is also like this. It cam be an autism trait (dd is currently under assessment) but I have always suffered with insomnia and like your dd i have a real issue with the silence at night. Not sure if its a possible sign of having a mild case of autism (have other traits but haven't ever felt the need to pursue) or just that I grew up in the city and now live semi rurally and I cannot get used to how quiet it is.

For me. I have the tv in very low on random documentaries that I have no real interest in. For dd we have an audible subscription and an alexa in her bedroom. She uses stories some nights and others she plays a rainstorm on it. Works well for her so maybe something to try?