Absolutely desperate - getting less than 2 hrs broken sleep a night

[chasinghilltops]

My baby is 3 months old and since 4 weeks he hasn’t slept longer than 30 mins in his cot. Usually he won’t sleep in it at all and only settles in our arms. I also have a 2 year old who is waking 3+ times a night. It’s absolutely killing me and I’m at breaking point.

Baby is breastfed so husband goes to settle toddler which means I’m with baby all night. Please can anyone give practical tips for getting baby into their cot? Even if he was sleeping 1 hour long stretches it would make such a difference. Co-sleeping isn’t an option for us as I’m scared of risk of SIDs but I appreciate it works for some people. Thanks in advance

I agree with others that your situation is currently higher risk than the risk of co-sleeping. If you are having to hold baby to sleep; it’s riskier that you will fall asleep yourself and drop them; or youll fall asleep in the day whilst holding them on a sofa which is very dangerous. Given you’re breastfeeding, it’s much better if you could do side lying feeding and just allow baby to fall asleep next to you; on a clear mattress with no bedding.

What is it about co sleeping that you’re nervous about? Have you read about how to do it safely? I agree that having that little sleep is much riskier than safe co sleeping. Babies are designed to sleep close to their mothers and some babies drive to be close is much stronger than others! I recommend reading about safe co sleeping, getting yourself an adult sleep sac and giving in to it on nights where he wants to be held. Honestly other that that you’re just going to be exhausted

Sending sympathy. Like pp have said, I recommend looking up the lullaby trust guidance for safe co-sleeping. It would make things soo much easier for you. With both ours we co-slept until ~7 months then sleep trained. Being tired is bad for everyone's health.

Have you thought about a next to me crib op?

I second this approach. I had very severe sleep deprivation and did what was recommended along these lines. Good luck and hope it soon eases.

Your baby sounds like my cmpa baby for sure. They don't need to tick every symptom on the list. In fact my two cmpa children had very different symptoms.

Make sure you avoid soya as well as dairy

I'm another one seconding this - my first was a very high needs baby and wanted to be held constantly. I was going absolutely insane with sleep deprivation. Co-sleeping definitely helped! Before that I hadn't slept more than one or two 2-hour stretches for six months. I then tried cry it out (many different techniques) and it never worked with him. Then I'd feel like a failure because somehow I hadn't done them correctly. Definitely investigate issues like CMPA but my first didn't have anything like that. My second and third babies were completely different and slept pretty well - I co-slept with my second and had a next to me for my third. They are all just different and some just need more physical closeness and contact.

@jazzflute, when did you stop co-sleeping with your eldest? Did you find there was a turning point at some stage?

And out of interest, did you find that his temperament as a baby was mirrored in his personality as a child in any way?

Hi @chasinghilltops , I feel your pain. I have a 12 week old who was riddled with colic from 2-11 weeks and still gets painful wind but passes it more easily. Tried everything from infacol to omeprazole to a dairy free diet with no clear cause or solution ever found. She does definitely have silent reflux but omeprazole didnt change anything.
Anyway, she too is a wee velcro baby and we survived by cosleeping but now I am feeling the pressure from my husband (and myself if im honest) to get her in the next to me. She has just had her jabs and are on holiday until Monday but will be trying to get it established from then. I am so nervous as my husband and I have very different views on parenting. I work with children and am strongly against letting them 'cry it out ' however my husband is getting frustrated at me tending to her every wimper. Praying this goes smoothly xx

Gently, @Eagerlywaiting1990, may I ask why your husband’s preferences are taking priority against your own views? What would happen if you simply said you wanted to continue co-sleeping with your baby?

It’s over ten years ago now but he was mostly in his own bed at 18 months I think. With my second it was from birth until about 6-7 months.

well he has had an autism diagnosis since then - it presents almost entirely as sensory issues - food, clothes, crowds, sleep - things like that. Although also need for routine and knowing what’s going to happen when. He was an extremely early riser until he was about 11!

I've had two babies with silent reflux and cmpa and it was very difficult. But also both mine were happy on their backs too so I wouldn't rule out reflux just because they are happy on their back.

Dairy free formula is only available on prescription. It can be a challenge to get it on prescription (I found) and you'll get started on the hydrolysed one but both mine have needed the hypoallergenic ones.

Hello, just seeking insight from your comment, if you had time.

My baby is 12 weeks. I am dairy free, but do consume soy.

Baby will sleep for over an hour either being held or sleeping, but only 20 minutes if put down. She spits up A LOT (HV back this week to talk about it). She screams sometimes before a big spit up. She is generally content until these things happen. Most of the spit up doesn’t bother her. She has had bad nappy rash.

Does this sound like soy-induced CMPA to you? Or am I over medicalising? (I’d just love her to sleep in a cot so I could get some deeper sleep on the bed)

God this was me.
OH couldn’t help as baby bf and even in a next to me crib would wake if not in contact / on me.

One night scared me to death as I was say up on the bed with feet on the floor rocking baby and I fell asleep and God must have been there as my arms went loose then I grabbed my baby again. It was probably a split second but the scariest thing ever and he wasn’t even ‘let go of’ but it terrified me.

From that moment (probably not ideal) I used safe cushioning to keep me in a position (not by baby) and we coslept. OH stayed in the other room as baby would be waking him every half hour too and he needed to work.
It was the only solution for sleep and it lasted until about 2 years old.

Strangely enough, we found out at about age 3 there was a low level food allergy so pp may be on to something.

Take care it will get easier- please get advice about safe co sleeping and try it.

I agree with everyone who suggested CMPA and silent reflux. Mine had silent reflux caused by CMPA and sleep was an absolute nightmare until we got the cow's milk protein out of his system. We did cosleep as well as it was pretty much the only way I survived!
Have a look at this website; it's so helpful:
dilanandme.com/dairyfree/

Thanks everyone we’ve since tried cosleeping but he wants to be in our arms 😩 I’ve taken him to the gp and they think he has CMPA so we have new formula to try and I’ve cut dairy from my diet. Praying we see some improvements soon!

It takes 3 weeks for the cows milk protein to leave your system completely, so if breastfeeding that's 3 weeks for you and then 3 weeks for him (6 weeks total). You should start to see improvements before that, but don't be discouraged if it it's slow to begin with. Hang on in there! And in the meantime, gaviscon can help a bit.